New husband turned nasty within the space of months…wtf?

[Sillygirl1988]

I just want to get some perspective. I got married in October last year. We’ve been together 5 years. One son DS age 4. I don’t fully understand what’s happened but in the last 4 or so months my husband has got progressively nastier and nastier to me to the point I can’t really speak or engage with him because everything is just a dig at me. He’s just getting meaner and meaner and I don’t know why??

It’s hard to put into words but as an example, I only work a half day on Monday. I made a huge effort to go stock the fridge up, come home, clean up and pre cook everyone’s dinner ready. Knowing that my son had sports day and my husband was taking him and then staying for a picnic, I got lots of salady bits in - mini sausages, fruit, nice bread. He went mental and asked me “where the hell is the chicken and beef to actually cook a meal” and that I’d only been to work a few hours. . He broke the glass on the oven door a few weeks ago. I asked if he’d managed to order a replacement. He said he couldn’t afford it (he’s just spent over £100 on trainers) and if I’m so bothered I can replace it myself.

writing it all down seems outrageous he’s acting this way. Everything I do is wrong. I got the wrong bin bags. I pack the dishwasher wrong now. He’s lovely and sweet to our son but suddenly it’s like he hates me!! I had a really important interview for a new job. He didn’t even say good luck or how was it. I’m staring to avoid being around him. Not that I have to avoid his calls or texts. He stopped texting me and calling me in the day a few months ago. I don’t understand what I’m posting for really. I just can’t see why it’s gone downhill so fast.?!

I forgot to say in my previous post - talk to Women's Aid or your local DA charity (on council website) as they can help make sense of things in your mind, as well as point you towards more targeted help such as benefits etc. But you do need to leave, even if he suddenly becomes nice it's the fact he actually has treated you appallingly these past few months is enough of a reason.

He’s having an affair. If he makes out you’re the bad one, it’s your fault, so he can be blamless. Classic splitting. Arsehole. Get rid.

Jesus. Really?!

You got married and now he thinks you are tied to him and can’t leave however he behaves?

That in itself might be telling you something.

People don’t tend to guard their phones around people who the feel safe with and whom they have nothing to hide from.

Cant you just say your phone has died and you need to make an urgent call (make something up). If he is still wary then then you know something is up. Eg say your best friend has been in an accident or something and you need to call her back as your phone died. “Luckily I have her number written down”.

The idea isn’t to get his phone, it’s to see if he will hesitate to give it. Becuas no one would normally hesitate in that situation.

Yes it’s devious but, it will tell you everything you need to know.

It does sound very like he's having an affair.

It doesn't matter why he's doing this.

Of course it's natural to wonder. You know you didn't cause it. All that matters is you have unfortunately married an abusive ballsack who goes out of his way to make your life a misery.

You need out, OP, and soon. How's your financial situation? Are you in a position to clear off with your baby?

If not, talk to Women's Aid and make your plans accordingly. I'm very sorry it's gone this way, you must have had such hopes.

You're far more likely to realise your dreams without him.

How or why did he break the oven and why does he claim he can't afford a replacement? Does he not work?

He sounds like pig with severe violent and sexist undertones.

'Where the hell is the chicken or beef?!'
I'd reply with 'You're the one with beef mate. And I'm no chicken so I'll tell you straight to shut the fuck up'.

Abusive men also do this. Once they’ve ‘trapped’ you turn into their nasty selves. It’s why domestic violence goes up when a woman gets pregnant. Either way, it’s no way to live life.

Cherchez la femme.

Leave the abusive prick

Also I don’t agree with the other posters. It’s not necessarily proof of an affair. He could just be a dickhead and it’s only showing now

I don’t know, obvs, but a PP was betting her pension..I’ve seen it before. The thing is though, even if he’s not, he’s appalling and abusive. Make room in your life for someone who deserves you.

Sounds like he's cheating or at least infatuated with someone else

Yes, I mean it's possible of course but so far the only concrete thing the OP has to go on is: he is treating her like shit and it has to stop.

Just leave tbh

Definitely. Like I said in my other post, it’s no way to live.

I’ve been where you are. Happy, drama free relationship prior to marriage. After? He turned into a vile, abusive arsehole. He went from a man who’d never even raised his voice to me in the four years before we got married, to putting me in hospital, twice, in the year after. Like you, I blamed myself, what had I done, what could I do to change it? In the end, I very quickly realised it was fuck all to do with me and legged it after he threatened to kill me. Decades ago now and I’ve never looked back. Get out, now.

Op I put up with this type of shit for years and looking back I do not know what I was thinking. Never in a million years would I let another man treat me like that even once. Wait til the next time he does it when your son isn’t in and blow your stack at him. Tell him to fess up to what his fucking problem is and resolve it or to pack a bag and get to fuck. It’ll bring an end to the shitty behaviour once and for all because right now he sees you as a doormat. He’s a prick, I’d personally just go but I know it’s not that easy in the middle of it. You’ll be fine either way have faith in yourself.

I think there’s another woman. My husband did the same when he was cheating, he simply turned nasty on me

He will be exposed to it eventually, already is really. They can see the relationship between you both.

There is another woman. He is being nasty because 1 he feels guilty and 2 he needs you to be the one to leave as he doesn't want to be seen to be the one ending the marriage.

Tell him to do the fucking shopping himself.

Well he’s also not really interested in sex so maybe I’m being blind!!!

Or just divorce him and tell him to fuck off