New husband turned nasty within the space of months…wtf?

[Sillygirl1988]

I just want to get some perspective. I got married in October last year. We’ve been together 5 years. One son DS age 4. I don’t fully understand what’s happened but in the last 4 or so months my husband has got progressively nastier and nastier to me to the point I can’t really speak or engage with him because everything is just a dig at me. He’s just getting meaner and meaner and I don’t know why??

It’s hard to put into words but as an example, I only work a half day on Monday. I made a huge effort to go stock the fridge up, come home, clean up and pre cook everyone’s dinner ready. Knowing that my son had sports day and my husband was taking him and then staying for a picnic, I got lots of salady bits in - mini sausages, fruit, nice bread. He went mental and asked me “where the hell is the chicken and beef to actually cook a meal” and that I’d only been to work a few hours. . He broke the glass on the oven door a few weeks ago. I asked if he’d managed to order a replacement. He said he couldn’t afford it (he’s just spent over £100 on trainers) and if I’m so bothered I can replace it myself.

writing it all down seems outrageous he’s acting this way. Everything I do is wrong. I got the wrong bin bags. I pack the dishwasher wrong now. He’s lovely and sweet to our son but suddenly it’s like he hates me!! I had a really important interview for a new job. He didn’t even say good luck or how was it. I’m staring to avoid being around him. Not that I have to avoid his calls or texts. He stopped texting me and calling me in the day a few months ago. I don’t understand what I’m posting for really. I just can’t see why it’s gone downhill so fast.?!

I don’t earn more yet but I recently retrained and have great earning potential. His job is manual and capped at what he can earn.

I am so, so sorry OP. But I dont see this changing now- this is a sustained emotionally abusive pattern of behaviour. I think your only option is to leave.

Do you have any support?

BINGO

Did you have a child within the first 1-2 months of dating? That might explain why he feels a bit trapped and is now trying to use horrible behaviour to get out of the relationship.

Not really. Parents gone. Sister passed away a couple of years ago.

I mean that’s possible but such competitive resentment would probably have reared its head before now if it was that alone.

There’s another woman, I’ll bet my pension on it

He's turned nasty because he thinks you are trapped. It's what abusive men do only it usually manifests at pregnancy or birth of a baby, yours is a late starter.

Prove to him that a) you are not trapped and b) you have self worth and leave him. Do you have anywhere to go , or have decent savings?

He sounds awful. Can you separate? 💐

Has he started doing drugs?

I mean he does have erratic work patterns so not impossible he could be seeing someone else. But I’d be stunned.

No. Don’t think so but how would I know?

OP, does it matter why? It's not okay and you don't have to live like this. Make a plan, take some advice, tell some people in real life. 4 months is too long to be told off like a child over dish washing equipment that doesn't meet his standards. Not sure I would have managed a fortnight. Do you have somewhere to go in the short term?

Happens all the damn time. Loads of insecure arrogant arsehole men want their partners to be lower paid, have less influence and be less fit, stupider, and less competent in every way than they are. Any time the woman tries to improve herself- diet, exercise plan, job promotion prospects, training courses, learning how to use any sort of equipment better...BOOM sabotage and gaslighting bullshit in all directions.

Have his work patterns always been erratic? Or have they changed? Are you sure he’s at work?

She could even work with him tbf?

Or he could just be chatting to someone online.

Or, could he have fallen down an incel rabbit hole?

This is absolutely typical for someone having an affair. I think you need to confront him about his abusive behaviour.

I'd bet good money that there's someone else. Not necessarily that he is actually cheating but that as a minimum he is interested in them and thinks he's in with a chance so to assuage his guilt he has to make you into the bad guy

Divorce the fucker. And I don’t say that lightly. Get proof of an affair if any and get your ducks in a row.

I think before you do anything, get some legal advice about where you stand. Some solicitors will give you an hour's consultation for free. Information is power and you need to know all your options before you make a decision.

Talk to your friends, and garner as much emotional support as you can. First and foremost get advice. You will feel much more in control once you know what your options are.

Oh, and less popular and have fewer friends than him too obvs.

I have to agree with others, from experience, that they turn nasty on younwhen there's anothervwoman.

But his behaviour is appalling, other woman or not.

Ducks-in-a-row time, I'm sorry.

always erratic. No chance of getting near his phone to check. He guards it like his life depended on it. Always has.

You will never placate him
There will always be fault to find.
He's abusive and don't be surprised if this is the start of re writing history because of someone waiting in the wings so to speak.

Also definitely not good for your son growing up in that environment.
Hope you can find a way out.

All his behaviour is totally out of order too. What an arse.

I have been out with friends a lot recently. Hadn’t thought of that!