The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Or just date both of them? 😄🤣

@Nosdacariad So sorry to hear how things have panned out with Planes. I agree itcn be tough walking away at this stage. You know them well enough to have gotten excited with hopes/ dreams / plans based on who you thought they might be… and when it turns out they’re someone else entirely it all comes crashing down.

You don’t need or want Planes, or anyone for that matter. You are enough. Yes it would be nice to find someone but just remember they’re only ever the icing, not the cake.

@Mildred007 If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it… I think based on what you’ve said the distance and lack of attract would mean I couldn’t be bothered. But then I can’t even be bothered at all with OLD at the moment so maybe that’s just me!

Yeah I'm definitely feeling that way too. Thinking of having a break to be honest!
I let the guy know I thought the distance may become a problem for me if I was to pursue things so that's that.
I'm not sure I'll find what I'm looking for on line. It's so difficult isn't it!

It does red a bit like you’ve been benched - he’s busy dating other people so doesn’t want to commit a day or time. If you’re wanting a serious relationship then yes I would exit at this point.

Welcome! Your Korean friend sounds like a lot of fun, I wish I had someone like that to go out “prowling” with, haha! And I relate a lot to what she is saying. Im ethnically half Chinese (but was born and raised in an English speaking country). I do think people expect based on my OLD profiles that I will conform to a certain stereotype based on whatever ethnicity they think I am (and I often get questions about where I am “really from” or if English is my first language!). It sucks but there isn’t much I can do about it.

Yes it is about a year since my last one ended. Before planes.

Thanks. That's exactly what my friend just said. But I was brought up to believe I was nothing without a man.

I'm sorry you have had that racism 💐

@Mildred007 voices are a big deal for me! Can be a major reason I find someone attractive, or conversely get the total ick. I’d eliminate someone quickly if their voice wasn’t for me 😅

In the interests of getting back in the saddle I have
Mr Cars tomorrow night and
Mr Veg sunday lunchtime 😁

There is so much wisdom here! And I had no idea that ChatGPT gave such good relationship advice. I am mourning the loss of Mr Quiet, who broke up with me last month. I sent ChatGPT the reply that he sent to my friendly hello text yesterday evening, sent because I was sad and missing the kids, and missing him, and just generally missing a nice cuddle. ChatGPT told me not to message him again. But in a much more gentle way than my sister did! I also very much appreciated @Ilovelurchers thoughts about why breaking up after a few months was so painful, so thank you.

Anyway, following on from my dreadful dates with Mr ManChild and Mr ArseSlap, I have struck up a conversation with Mr Camping who seems quite promising. Although has mentioned in passing that he has "been objectified" by women before. I am suspicious of this. Which may be unfair. But I don't want another arse-slapper who says he's a poet looking for deeper emotional connection before sex, then just acts and talks in an extremely explicit manner.

Well done to you. Hopefully lunch with Mr Veg (?!) will at least involve a decent meal x

I am not loving that line about him being objectified by women.

Hopefully more aubergine than mini sweetcorn!

Well done you, I think that may be just what you need! Even if neither of these lead anywhere (and you never know!) they will remind you that there is a life after Planes, and also that you are an attractive woman who (self-evidently) many men are keen to have the chance of a date with!

What you said about being bought up to believe you were nothing without a man really struck a chord with me! I didn't get that message from my parents, so much as from society in general - it has really taken me a long time, and a lot of therapy, to grasp that being single does not make me somehow "less than" and a failure as a woman. Indeed, I think my family and friends are pretty astonished (in a good way) by how long I have managed to remain single, as previously I would lurch from one unsuitable relationship to another - pretty much whoever would have me, really.....

I hate the double standards - men who are single often seem to be admired for being a bit of a player, whereas the whole "spinster" idea still seems to linger - that women must only be single because they are firgid,
or ugly, and no man will have them....

Fuck that shit! There's so much to love about being single, and this time I am determined that I won't give up my freedom unless it's to a guy who will substantially enrich my life..... But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, especially with menopause hitting, that old fear of being "on the shelf" didn't still sneak out to bite me sometimes....

I am finding Facebook dating quite good - have about three matches I am still talking to on there.

I have unmatched a couple, including the 72 year old - he seemed nice, but I know it would really stress my poor mom out if I dated someone this age - my dad was substantially older than her, and for the last 10 years of his life she nursed him through severe dementia, with my support. I know similar can happen even without an age gap, but she is adamant I should avoid much older men to minimise my chances of this happening. (I have always liked older guys and one of my exes was about 18 years older I think!). That is not to say she didn't love dad loads - we both did - but caring for someone for that length of time takes its toll......

Can anyone explain, as if to a 5 year old, the difference between unmatching and blocking on Facebook Dating? I asked the internet but still couldn't really make head nor tail of it, and don't fully understand why the two different options exist .....

If you unmatch then fb can show them to you again. I think.

The morning after the ‘prowl’ the night before. Before I say what happened I’ll confess that I have never in my life been out ‘in the wild’ with the idea that I might land a guy. Never. I had a 2 year BF pretty much through Y11 and Y12 at school that started with ‘my cousin at the Boys’ School saw you at the County Cross-Country and wants to go out with you’ territory (looking back generally dire and delusional but we were fumblers and he was a fingerer on a slow journey to being a fucker) and The Catch took up 22-28 and we met via friends. Between those nothing that lasted long happened and I actually studied hard and probably gave off not interested nerd vibes most of the time.

Last night I wore a black mixed-media dress. The lace bodice is built into a faux-leather skirt. High neckline so no clearly visible cleavage and the skirt part is mid thigh. Not particularly high block heel sandals with a crossover ankle strap. Clearly made up but not heavily, hair down. I was dressed up but wasn’t going for ‘all eyes on me’. If I was dressed at 7/10, PMj was 9/10 on the dress-up scale with a structured one-shoulder bandage mini dresses that didn’t need a bra. Long hair down and straight and eyes accentuated. I’ve put what we were wearing as it had consequences.

I can completely resonate with being made to think I’m nothing without a man. My mum is forever pitying me and saying how sorry she feels that I’m on my own. I tell her I’m happy single but I don’t think she can comprehend as she has jumped from relationship to relationship since she was 15/16 years old, with overlap.

I was off the apps for years and years and it was only persistent pestering from friends that persuaded me to try again. I have a good job a lovely home which I own, great friends and family, kids and pets who keep me busy. My kids are teens now so I finally think I have time for a relationship but only if it adds something to my life.

My mum spends quite a lot of time complaining about her husband so she’s not exactly selling being in a relationship to me!

Anyway, @Nosdacariad I’m really pleased to hear you’re going on more dates. Hope they go well. Please forget about planes as you deserve so much better and keep the ick list to hand!

In summary last night was a total fever dream. First stop was a pub where it was overfull and football chat was required for any acceptance. Overdressed for it we moved on. Next we're in this hotel bar near Tower Gateway, very expensive cocktails and I'm realizing my dress might be a touch too short for "classy," and PMj is just looking like a goddess with bare shoulders. She turned heads the second we walked in. The looks we got were borderline hostile though. I thought I just had something on my face until she leaned in when we were sitting at a low table with drinks, practically whispering, "They think we're prostitutes." I nearly choked and I went bright red. She thought it was amusing.

Did I pull? No. She was busy scouting the room and ended up chatting to this guy in a suit and they hit it off, and I was just the accessory. The "wing-woman" who gets mistaken for a hooker. I went home alone before her, feeling thoroughly inadequate. I did chat to Suit’s friend Dave for a bit but he was ‘do you come here often?’ level blandness. She has texted me saying that ‘going out Asian has its ups and downs’. I dread to think. Onward to Tony from Tinder tonight.

@Polly1979 I was wondering this morning if I should ask him WHY between Weds and Fri he decided he didn't want us back together (not that I was offering) but then I remembered I do not want the sexual problems that he wasn't dealing with. Too boring.

His ex wife just remarried and someone commented on one of her joyful newly married posts "I'm confused, what happened to Planes" 😨

It was an experience if nothing else!

@Ilovelurchers I wasn’t sure about Facebook dating when I tried it. It was a bit overwhelming and all these people wanting to be friends?! I’m so bored of the other apps though and think I’m pretty much through them at this point so maybe I should try again.

Still no second date with Mr Musical who seems to have gone AWOL. He did have family stuff to deal with but does that explain a week of radio silence? I quite liked him and was looking forward to a second date so I am a bit gutted, especially as he seemed keen too.

To take my mind off it I have a date with Mr Creative tomorrow. He seems lovely and suggested a date quickly so have avoided the endless messaging and small talk. He does writes poetry though! I’m not into that but we have other shared interests so will see how it goes.

@Nosdacariad please don’t contact him . You’ll kick yourself later on . Keep the upper hand. I mean I’m tempted to send my ex a screenshot of his dating profile asking if he actually understands what the word ‘monogamy ‘ means and pointing out that he’s literally describing our relationship in what he wants from a relationship. BUT I WON’T.