The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you - I need to hear this and keep hearing it.

Also you're a better woman than me, I did that with MrX and he said SOMEONE AT WORK MADE ME DO IT!

It was talked about up thread but have you tried going through it all with ChatGPT / Gemini. When I was suddenly ghosted by Mr IT after multiple dates, planning trips together, etc I did quite a bit of AI therapy. It helped a lot to process everything that happened and come to terms with it, and I honestly think it would’ve taken longer without that. For the record I prefer Gemini as it’s hilarious! Much more cutting and ‘tell it like it is’ than ChatGPT.

I was very tempted last weekend when I’d been out drinking all day trust me .
I’m also tempted to put him on ‘are we dating the same man’ but I’m hoping someone else posts him . My issue is I don’t have any solid proof of what he was up to .

A week is not good. According to Gemini (who is shit-hot on boundaries, but can afford to be because she has neither emotions nor a libido) we should delete and block if they are silent for a mere 24 hours post date (you can allow 48 hours if you haven't met for a date yet).

This is a little harsh, but a week does take the piss - you are worth more than that. If he is genuinely busy, it takes 10 seconds to update you on this, and let you know when he is likely to be available for dating again.

Speaking of this, Mr Village continues to breadcrumb. It's like he knows my new Gemini-imposed rules, as he messages about once every 24 hours, thus avoiding the cull. But despite having said he would like a second date he still refuses to suggest a time for one.

I know I ought to delete and block really - it's not how someone genuinely interested behaves.....

Due to family stuff he did say he wouldn’t be free til a few weeks’ time which I accepted so maybe he’s waiting until then but he could at least check in a bit. The family stuff is quite heavy though.

Prior to that he had suggested the second date and booked a restaurant but we had to postpone that time due to genuine transport issues. I find it odd that he would be that keen to arrange a second date and then lose interest just because dodgy trains on the day made it impossible. Who knows though.

I do think if Mr Village was keen he’d have suggested a second date by now. Could be keeping the diary clear as trying to book things in with others. Have you asked him when he might be free?

@Nosdacariadits not the best feeling in the world, but we have to stay away!!!

@Polly1979 I give it 48 hours

@bluelightwonder agreed 😁

@Nosdacariad I can tell you that for free... you ended things with him - him telling you he didn't want to get back together makes him feel like he actually ended things and has the upper hand. All about his ego!!

Please stay strong and don't contact him. He's not worth your time x

I'm out with a friend tonight & have the potential of bumping into the guy I was seeing earlier this year. I'm hoping I do. And in my head I'd like him to still want me even though in hindsight we were probably never going to work long term. I'm just putting this here because I do kind of know what you're going through. This guy is a nice one and I did go back to ask for answers - didn't leave me feeling any better though x

Lots of posts to catch up on - enjoying them whilst dossing with a slight hangover!

@Nosdacariad and @Ilovelurchers- Gemini will retain your chats if you keep the browser open - but more easy if you’re logged into Google. She titles each one - normally with first few words of what you put - you can find all chats in the sidebar - if you press the 3 or sometimes 2 lines at the top left of the page. If you’re signed into gmail or just Google then I think you’ll find them. I do use the app now but have just checked by opening a browser page and everything is there.

It is soooo tempting- there is never a good outcome though - still I’ve done it a fair few times in my life, even when I’d learned that precept.

My daughter’s mate is working on getting her current fella to own to stuff - I say fella he’s not actually hers - it’s not going so well anyhow! Just bullshit answers and it’s so dramatic and upsetting for her - bless her. I do sometimes think he is actually a bit stupid as he seems oblivious that she could and might blow his life up - still they always seem to get away with that - with yet more bullshit.

I have got to a point with some exes where I find any conversation is literally pointless as I can’t believe one word they tell me so it’s like fantasy chit chat - even if it’s about the weather. It’s good to get to that point - it’s taken me a good while to do so though before I have to admit - and if it happened again I do think I’d be there at it all over again too.

And you know I expect Planes thinks his ex wife still misses him, or this marriage won’t be her dream as it was when married to him … sigh at these deluded guys and I am sure Planes is one.

Anyway, you’re doing so well and I really hope the dates are enjoyable. I do believe that sometimes to get over one guy you have to get under another - it’s probably not ideal advice - and it’s often just not possible if you’re still into the ex - but idk I think it helps that they’re not the last one in a way.

Keep strong and keep smiling - you’re amazing and you are the prize x

Thanks @Mildred007 I was still framing planes as a nice guy until my friend pointed out that the comment he made belied that.

@MsJinks thanks for the techy info x
and MrX is that way. If his mouth is open then he's lying.

Hope everyone's Saturday is going well. I've got an alleged date (I never quite believe them till they happen) on Thursday with a guy I will call Mr T-Rex, as he looks like Marc Bolan in his pics!

So it should be a busy week for me next week - Comedy on Tuesday, Good-Looking on Weds and T-Rex Thursday.

We will see though - never really believe them till they happen.

Meanwhile, a match who seemed promising has just repelled me slightly - I told him I was a teacher and he started saying he was dyslexic - fair enough - but then said that he is "excellent aurally". Just seems like a massively arrogant thing to say (not to mention I don't really know exactly what he means by it .... )

And then he made it worse by asking if I was going to "make him sit in the corner with his hands on his head" - I just find it really repellant when they make sexual banter about my job, even though I am sure something like that is just intended to be humorous....

Prior to these comments he was doing fairly well - can't decide whether they are worthy of unmatching, or should I give him another chance?

I would unmatch, @Ilovelurchers . Early sex chat is always a red flag. I get sex chat about my job too, and I really hate it. Sounds like your week is going to be busy enough next week!

Sounds a good week! Hopefully a few fun nights at the least.

At least he didn’t say ‘orally’! Lol. I taught adults for a bit - guys love an excuse to come out with the most ick fantasies don’t they - I never liked some of the crass comments that really aren’t even funny tbf. Easier when I was a civil servant lol - no one ever fantasised about one of those haha!

Just looked at Mr Musical’s profile and he’s updated it. So no time for a check in with me with all the ‘family stuff’ but time to change his profile. I guess he’s in the bin then. 😢

Straight in the bin

Sorry that this happened, Polly1979

I’ve deleted the apps. I feel so deflated as I thought this one might have had potential. I have a date with Mr Creative tomorrow but not super excited as he doesn’t seem like my normal type.

That's so annoying. Why can't they just be honest if they change their mind?

Often I think they actually lose their nerve you know, and they don't want to tell us because they still like to imagine they will eventually summon the nerve to actually pursue something real.....

Either way, very much his loss - and at least this discovery frees you up mentally to pursue other, better options!

Polly1979 Hopefully the date tomorrow is absolutely amazing, to take your mind off the other one

I was going to unmatch, but fatally I had another look at his profile, and he is very nice looking, politically aligned with me, so many green flags, that I decided to give him another chance.

Also, I discussed the dyslexia thing with my daughter (he had actually said he was "aurally exceptional" - even worse - but she pointed out that he will have read that I am an English teacher and went to Oxford and may think he needs to impress me intellectually somehow to keep me chatting - I am not sure, but will give him the benefit of the doubt this time.

As for the sexual banter, I straight batted it this time and he has followed up with something totally non-sexual so again I will let it slide, but he is on his third strike now.....

Got a couple of promising ones on Facebook Dating too so feeling quite optimistic at the moment. But you know what it's like - OLD is such a roller-coaster, gotta enjoy the ups to make the downs worthwhile.....

I got a like today from a guy who had put under "What I can't live without":
Walking past my partner without a slap on the bum.
Or words to that effect. I seem to have a knack for attracting the arse-slappers. Its demoralising.

As a former chalk that's gross and aurally means he's good listening but it's a homophone for orally so that's probs where he was going. Sorry if you know this xxx