The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Can you be blunt and say "please organise something if you want to see me again"? Otherwise it's actions v words.

Sorry I haven’t managed to catch up on the thread, how long has it been since your last date?

If it’s been a while I’d perhaps say that you are interested but would like to set a date even if it’s not within the next week or so, as you don’t want to continue just messaging or if he hasn’t got room in his life at the moment to progress things?

I have dates, of sorts, tonight and tomorrow. July and August are going to be a big dating push. Tonight is more of a putting myself out there which I just haven’t done since… a long time unless it has been online. A Korean PostGrad I helped settle in a couple of years ago asked me whether I wanted to go out on a date. I told her I was straight. She replied “no not that way, we go out as prowlers”. This puzzled me but I think she means two women go out wherever and if we meet anyone interesting then, who knows? My ‘date’ who I’ll call PMj is stunningly beautiful, so maybe I shouldn’t be so straight, but I think she is serious that we are “prowlers” which seems dodgy doesn’t it? She said to wear a dress.

Tomorrow is Tony From Tinder. I’ve met Tony twice: coffee plus nervousness and then the Tate Modern where I discovered he thought it was going to be “the other Tate”. Tony is a male beauty, presenting with a confident bluff on top of insecurity that shows through when he drops his guard. He’s coming by my place and then we are “going for a drink”. Tony makes me horny just looking at him. Until he speaks. I’d like a Tony statue.

Killer bit of writing @LenaFromTheNineties is it unethical to give Tony Laryngitis?!

Though I suspect we'd be fuming if a man said same.

Eta more for my ick list - uses undiagnosed ADHD as an excuse for literally EVERYTHING with no consideration of the strategies people with ADHD put in place to run their lives.

My first and only date with him was almost a week ago, so I do think it's high time he organised another (we both agreed during the date that we would like to see each other again, and even where we would go, but it was explicitly left to him to name the date and time as he has a busier schedule than me currently).

When I compare this to Mr Comedy's behaviour, the difference is very stark. Comedy couldn't wait to get a second date nailed down, and accepted the very first free night I offered him.

I can't help but think that that's actually how a man behaves when he is genuinely interested......

Such a shame I have reservations over Comedy due to his cock-lodger potential - everything else about him is reality strong - his texts are bloody hilarious!

By the way, has anyone on here tried Facebook Dating? My best friend has suggested we give it a go......

@Ilovelurchers fb dating...better than Tinder and worse than Hinge.

I have one a bit like Tony - Mr Good Looking - who I am alledgedly having a first date with on Weds. He scores high on three of my Four Plliars of Dating Potential that Gemini and I co-constructed - he is insanely handsome, extremely polite, and his financial situation seems sound. Unfortunately we have absolutely nothing in common, and the updates about his life he dutifully sends me sound like something a polite child has been compelled to write to their godmother about what they are getting up to over the summer holidays...

If I was sticking to the boundaries I agreed with Gemini I would have unmatched him - but I snuck him through as he is SO nice looking and SO sweet - and some people just don't really come across well over text and are better in person, surely?

As it is, I've had to unmatch about 80% of my matches. Maybe I am asking for the impossible...

I'm going to give Tony a go. I have little hope though but as he is a bit of a blank slate I can play at pretend.

Facebook Dating is weird. It feels like browsing people you went to school with but with the awkward added layer of "I fancy you." Possibly less aggressive than Tinder, but the real pool seems smaller. I have spotted guys I know are friends of my ex. Awkward.

I did match with one guy. He looks normal, owns a somethingdoodle dog, no pose with a carp he caught. I’m terrified he’s going to turn out to be a second cousin once removed or something. It’s too close to home. I might stick to the relative safety of strangers swiping left on my mugshot / scrubs up well in a dress / bikini pic by a pool trio elsewhere. Am close to deleting Facebook anyway.

I'm so sorry this has gone the way it has for you. I find it easier getting over someone by keeping their negative points in mind, on repeat. I actually think this is a blessing in disguise, you deserve soooo much better!! Sending you a big hug. It'll take a little time but it will get easier i promise.

Slightly different situation but I was seeing someone for around 3 months earlier this year and was devastated when it ended. We're still sporadically in touch, and I still miss him, but I think I miss what I'd built up in my head rather than him himself if you see what I mean? However, I'm feeling so much better about it than I was about 6 weeks ago!

I think I'll be a bit gutted when I see he has someone new but nowhere near how I was feeling a few weeks ago.

Stay strong and keep busy. It's hard but you will be fine in the end xx

Haha I use ChatGPT as my therapist! Seems to give pretty good advice. I always say please and thank you to it 😂

Thanks @Mildred007

I guess it's good that so many incompatibilities were revealed so early.

I am definitely not in the market for another guy with ED/DE.

Prior to our girl date expedition tonight I asked PMj what her ideal one to one date would be. Hers definitely involves a much higher price tag than mine. I think she wants the full fine dining experience, somewhere with a dress code, a wine list thicker than my dissertation, and a guy who isn't afraid to pay for it. She’s very visual and I suspect it’s all about the aesthetic. I doubt she cares if he listens as long as he looks good on her arm and knows which fork to use. She’s a bit ruthless and only wants experiences and temporary things as she has a life plan for when she is back in Korea. Not sure about the bedroom, haven’t had the courage to ask as the hints she has dropped suggest that she is something of an experimenter and I perhaps just don’t need to go there.

My ideal first date is more low pressure. This is perhaps a drink somewhere where we can actually hear each other. Not loud, not silent, just a nice hum of background noise. Someone who asks questions and actually listens to the answers, instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. Plus some banter. I need to laugh and think life today is absurd. If you can make me laugh genuinely, you're halfway there. Physically I like a guy who looks like he washes, clean nails, decent shoes, smells good all work for me. Doesn't have to be Tony level gorgeous, just put together. And if the chemistry is there? That’s to find out date 2 or 3. Is that too much to ask in 2026?

I tried it once … carnage and would not recommend!

I thing if he isn’t setting a date I’d probably have enough of it too x

I asked my daughter this, and she said l she thinks I would need to download the app if I wanted it to remember our conversation - she thinks that as I just accessed it through my usual search engine on my phone, it won't remember it.

(I hope I have got that right - I am not as tech savvy as I ought to be, and although my daughter tries to explain things in simple language as if for a five year old, I am still not sure I always understand......)

My friend and I have both created Facebook Dating profiles and agree that on the plus side we both got plenty of likes, but on the downside they weren't necessarily great ones!;

I have matched with just three, and one of these, at 72, is the oldest guy I have ever matched with. I suspect the age difference is just too large, but I was intrigued as I liked everything about his profile, and he looks good for his age.

Need to be very wary of not looking for a replacement father figure .... This is something my therapist has spoken to me about, even before dad passed away, as I was very close to dad and have always had a tendency to place him on a pedestal, and compare my partners to him unfavourably.....

What would be the biggest age gap you guys would entertain? I'm 47, for context.

@Ilovelurchers my marriage was 13 years (him older). In hindsight it was too much and part of the reason for our split. I’m now at 7 years older and I wouldn’t want more than that (he is very active for his age)

@LenaFromTheNineties your evening out with PMJ sounds like it will be a hoot! Enjoy 🙌

My first date with current partner was a dog walk. No pressure and I had my dog to defend me if anything went awry 😂. I also know the area so could be a walk of 20 mins to 1.5hrs. We ended up on the 1.5hr loop and a drink afterwards 🍻

My partner is 11yrs older than me. Im 36 and hes 47. Dont think id go bigger than that.

So I extended my radius in my searches on Hinge... matched with 4 guys.

One made a bit of a weird joke which I went along with but I didn't know what to say to the last statement and my old pal ChatGPT suggested as it was a statement the ball was in his court to follow up unless I was really interested - I don't think I am so have left it & no follow up..

One has been nice chatting to, bit slower on the responses as the week has gone on & no mention of a date. Not sure I'd fancy him looks wise but have told myself that people aren't always photogenic.

One I've only matched today & not yet spoken with.

Last one been chatting for a week. Again not someone I'd usually go for looks wise. Called me out of the blue tonight & had a chat. But... I wasn't keen on his voice 🤣 I know I know lol! He also lives further than the 30 mile radius I'd put so seems hinge isn't very accurate. Hes just messaged to say I seemed a little deflated when I realised how far he was. I've not yet replied. He's due to come near to where I live on Sunday for one of his hobbies, although hasn't mentioned meeting up yet, think he might though... argh what should I do lol?!

Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay 😬

10 years max for me although I have my settings to only be 6 years either way

Oh! Just realised the weird joke guy has unmatched! Seems I had 5 matches but one hasn't bothered to respond to my first message 🙄

Right, I’m in the final stages of getting ready for my Korean girl date. I have been quizzing her about what she feels others see in her when she is ‘out’. She thinks men in London possibly think that Korean women are high-maintenance dolls or porn tropes come to life, just waiting for a strong man to tell them what to do. They definitely don't expect brains or opinions. “Standing out is kind of unavoidable here. I get stared at, sometimes it’s just curiosity, other times it feels hungrier. I know I’m the exotic foreigner. I don't mind it much though, it reminds me I’m different. I like that feeling.” Am heading out at 7.30 as English Woman in dress so we might be a contrast.

Aww that sounds like a very sensitive thing.

I would not worry about the number so much as zest for life and fitness.

Guys in late 50s endlessly moaning about their ailments with zero energy after doing notalot...guys in their 60s going on hikes and whatnot and much less whingey.

Part of the planes ick list - too unfit to swim a length without a rest.

Have fun! She actually sounds fun to go out with, quite different to me but sounds like you will have a good night lol

@Mildred007 I think a voice can tell you a lot x

Keep the icks going!!
Has it been a while since you were last in a relationship or had that closeness with someone? It was for me and I think that's what I'd craved, got and missed. There'll be others and they'll be so much better (that's what I tell myself anyway!!)
You give so much good advice to others, always difficult to take it on ourselves though hey!