The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yeah, maybe you're right. No response at all might be cooler.

If those were his words, pop him in the bin without another of yours xxx

So I downloaded Hinge about a month ago now. I have not been able to bring myself to speak to anyone. Not sure if I should just delete it or keep it running for if the urge ever comes over me to try again . Still can not bloody believe I saw my ex on there .

What an absolute fucking prick! I don't think I would bother replying - just block. At least he has showed you who he is early on, so you don't waste any more time.

Wow! Definitely don’t waste any energy replying and get him blocked.

Really sorry this happened though, I’d have been a bit upset if this was me

Chocolatefreak Yeah, unless it ended with a huge apology & a grovel, with another date suggested, then I'd just not respond to that at all. Sorry that he did that. What a prat.

Yeah, if he'd backed it up with an apology and a reschedule then it would be different. I am just going to leave it and not bother responding.

Even if he genuinely did forget, surely you wouldn't admit to that?

What a tosser.

Speaking of cancellation, I have had to cancel Mr Good-looking as I have a banging headache and feel like death. I really hope he believes me - I would hate him to think I was jerking him around.......

@Chocolatefreak Urgh, sorry to hear that. Sounds like he just changed his mind and didn’t want to go. Fair enough but why not just be up front? Grrrr.

@Nosdacariad @Ilovelurchers @BoxOfCats @NervesOfCotton @empirebiscuits12 @TheThingOnTheIce Thank you for the support 😘

Actually, I think he probably is telling the truth. His messaging style has been... episodic. We switched to WhatsApp a while ago and the date was set while we were still messaging on Hinge. So being busy and travelling, it may have slipped his mind. However, 'sorry i don't recall that' doesn't make him sound very keen! Which is enough reason not to waste any more time on him.

I'm not responding because I was tempted to sound a bit miffed, but will go for dignified instead.

Hive Mind, I need your help!

Some of you may recall that about a week and a half ago I had a first date with Mr Village that went really well - we had a lovely evening and it ended with a kiss, and a discussion of our next date, though no evening was set for this. I felt very positive and excited at the time.

And then he started to breadcrumb. A message a day at best, with no mention of an evening for the next date, even when, against my better judgement and on Gemini's advice, I really pushed for this.

Well, he has just messaged, told me he has had a great weekend (it was his birthday and he has been seeing family and friends - this may be relevant) and said, among other things, "time to organise our second date?"

Should I simply breezily suggest possible evenings I am free, as if nothing is wrong? Or has he taken the piss, by leaving it so long to suggest this?

My instincts say there has been a power struggle which I have lost - that he is affirming the fact that he will call the shots going forwards.

But I know I can be very paranoid. Maybe he is a nice guy and has done nothing wrong, just had a busy week?

What would you do?

@Chocolatefreak I'm a fan of a passive aggressive thumbs up in a situation like that

@Ilovelurchers maybe a "what were you thinking?". Let him sort it.

I think if you like him then give him the benefit of the doubt and go for the second date. However, if the breadcrumbing and power struggle continues afterwards then in the bin.

Hahah I always think a thumbs up is passive aggressive! My sister does this instead of replying sometimes and I just laugh because she doesn’t realise that’s how it’s often taken! But yes I’m a bit of a fan of it too, in the right circumstances!

@IlovelurchersReally boils down to is you feel. His casual approach would be ok with me - I hate it when someone comes across as too keen too early! But if you feel uncomfortable then give it a miss or don’t reply for a few days.

Thanks all. I think I will give him another chance. But I am not going to be in any rush to reply - I don't want to sound too desperate.....

I mean...I met planes there 🙃

Get well soon xxx

@Ilovelurchers If you like him, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt but put the ball in his court to up the effort levels and plan the next date. Something like ‘what do you suggest’ and his response will tell you if he’s interested.

Reply at your leisure and expect 48h notice of the date.

"At the moment I'm free on..."

And I also like "what were you thinking"

@Ilovelurchers I think if it was his birthday etc you can give him the benefit of the doubt for now. As others said, watch the effort he makes but no need to overthink atm I think

So much to catch up on - but today flaky and annoying men - this seems more normal to me than all the dates the other day. Mr T thinks I’m a bit of a feminist with a downer on men sometimes- and I keep it mild with him! - as I say I’m just realistic ha.

@Ilovelurchers- I think Mr Village being busy with his birthday is ok - Mr T texts a bit more regularly now, but his style of originally pretty intermittent and saying ‘hope to see you soon’ was text anxiety inducing - turned out he always means what he says and genuinely focuses on whatever he’s doing in the minute so low text if busy eksewhere - but that focus includes me - so it’s all good. I agree don’t rush to answer but think it’s worth a shot.

@Chocolatefreak- silence is always the best answer - it’s hard to think that at the time - maybe draft a text and send it to yourself laying out his rudeness/whatever but not to him. This and Gemini have kept me looking cool haha and lol as I’m really not
@TheThingOnTheIce- I’ve never used Hinge but thought it a better one - maybe your cab light went off there after seeing ex? I left one site as ex Mr Situationship was on there, not as I cared, but just felt awkward really
@empirebiscuits12- if you’re not feeling it with Mr Peach it may be not going anywhere, but he sounds ok, it’s odd how we never want the keen ones - and annoying - are you going for a 3rd date?
@Nosdacariad- I am 100% sure you are not intimidating- the whole situation I guess can be for some guys of a certain age - I doubt many will be upfront about this so I’m no help in thinking how to resolve it unfortunately- it is a difficult age for them (as we often say about kids!) but fingers crossed for you - I think X and Planes were still a bit of bad luck in not resolving fast, or thinking they maybe should in advance. Any irons lined up at all?
All the best to all - the sun is certainly back out and that may cheer folk and motivate dates!

@Nosdacariad @MsJinks I don’t think it’s an issue with the app . I think hinge is the pick of a bad bunch . I just don’t think my heads in the game and it wasn’t before I saw my ex on there . Doubly shit as I’d blocked him on there when setting up my profile and wouldn’t have set it up if I’d thought I couldn’t block him . Clearly it didn’t work .

im still stuck in that limbo of not wanting to end up alone but also really not wanting to go through the dating process again . And also whilst my ex wasn’t the great love of my life im still struggling to get over how good it COULD and SHOULD have been and I know I’ll struggle to find anything as good as that minus the suspicious shit possibly going on behind my back

@TheThingOnTheIce I absolutely hear you on the ex and it sound as though, like me, you're in love with the potential of the man with fewer character flaws?

I still find myself thinking if MrX could get it together...but what I'm imagining is not realistic because as with planes, the first few months version was a mask. He would have to change too many big things about himself to have a character I would respect or an attitude that would make him a good partner.

I think people can change, but not that much.

I'm steeling myself for seeing planes on hinge and I've seen MrX on Tinder twice. Not fun.

TheThingOnTheIce I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to end up alone. Sending you a hug

My head & my heart isn't in it, I know this because I'm swiping on men for no reason really, when I do bother to even go on Hinge. It will be like 'He likes a cup of tea? No, I don't like tea. Swipe'. Then I'll think to myself 'You are being ridiculous

Anyway, I've spoken to Elon Musk & Keanu Reeves this week on Instagram (I'd definitely say yes to the real Keanu!)

Nosdacariad It's very difficult to let go of the 'What ifs' isn't it.