The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

If you have time then why not!

I went on a date with Cars expecting very little. It was better than I thought but he's still not a 13/13 (my friend made me do a checklist).

Yes, Ilovelurchers I've been on dates where I wasn't keen at all & they generally work out better than expected. It's so hard to know until you meet somebody isn't it, so I'd always say to meet, even if you don't think they tick all of your boxes. Good luck with the date tonight!

@BoxOfCats @Ilovelurchers @Polly1979 @Nosdacariad

Thanks for your replies, appreciated as always. My break up was about 5/6 months ago now. I’m not sure if I’m finding Peach too keen, he’s not littering his messages with compliments or making any grand gestures. I can just tell that he would definitely be happy for another date but I can’t put my finger on how I know! Not very helpful trying to explain this, sorry!

If he turned up at my door with flowers and an immediate rocket ticket to Paris I would be very uncomfortable 😂 If it was my ex however…….

Do you have any dates lined up with Mr T-Rex? And have you already had any with Mr Good Looking? Sorry if I’ve missed this, the thread is moving really quickly!

I haven’t had many dates from this round, 3 first dates and 2 second dates so far. But I didn’t go into any of them knowing it wouldn’t work out. I haven’t done a list though so to speak, as I kind of know in my head what my non negotiables are.

One guy didn’t progress to a second date because he was far too introverted in person for me.

Second guy disclosed on second date he was 3 months out of being blindsided when his wife left him.

And third guy is Mr Peach.

What is it about Good Looking that makes you think it won’t work? x

@empirebiscuits12 sounds like your instincts are saying no to 🍑🍑🍑 nothing wrong in that "very uncomfortable" is all you need to know.

I wonder if the hive mind has any advice for NOT getting into another situation where the guy has untreated erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation before getting into bed with them?

I know this sounds venal but it's not good for me, and it boggles my brain they wouldn't want to fix it BEFORE going to bed when it's fixable.

Catching up. Busy totally not dating day yesterday. Apart from perhaps setting 2 or 3 things up.

I wonder if the hive mind has any advice for NOT getting into another situation where the guy has untreated erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation before getting into bed with them?

I have never encountered any serious ED. What is 'delayed ejaculation'? Yes I suppose I could look this up but I am on a laptop that feeds me advertisements based on searches I do out of curiosity and I would rather not go there with that. Just keeps going for a long long time?

Just can't orgasm through sex with a partner.

Ah, too used to cumming via something online or virtual so flesh and blood seems third rate?

Where thigs stand update. For me dating has been a minefield. The quality is just dire. I feel like I'm wading through a swamp of emotionally unavailable man; children who think "banter" means being rude and "ambition" means talking about their crypto portfolio. I’m just exhausted and perplexed. I’m looking for someone who can actually hold a conversation. My tick list starts with emotional intelligence. I need someone who can actually talk about feelings without freezing up or making a joke and I want to be able to say I'm having a shit day and not feel like a burden. Then competence and drive. Ambition is sexy; coasting is not. Also a sex drive that matches mine. And I don't just mean frequency, but someone who actually wants to explore things, not just stick to the same three positions because that's "what works." Sometimes I want to be ravished, not serviced. Finally there is loyalty and reliability, and the latter can be an indicator of the former. If he says he’ll call, he calls. If we have plans, he shows up. I’m done with flakes. However, I’m positive and giving it a go, in hope and generally with a smile.

On the horizon: some sort of double date or whatever with PMj, the Olderman and FriendOfAFriend. Maybe.

No idea, Nosdacariad Sorry. I've not experienced it but I think that a lot of men are in denial/think that it will just get better?

empirebiscuits12 I'll take a trip to Paris
But I think that your gut is trying to tell you something.

I’ve sort of been in this situation before with an ex but found out just as we were about to do the deed. He explained that he always experiences nerves with a new partner but after that he’s good to go, and he was right. However those 5-6 times when things weren’t working did make me feel a bit rubbish even though he’d explained it was his normal.

If a man had ED to a much greater extent than this but had no interest in getting it sorted then that would be the end, personally.

And thank you for the advice re: 🍑!

Thanks lovely! I think if the proposition was flowers and whisking me somewhere for dinner etc then it would be yes. The whole Paris thing with someone I barely know is what’s swaying me 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

I think the problem is that I keep comparing every guy to my ex and I know I need to stop this! But not sure how. I feel I may miss out on something that could be great (not necessarily with 🍑 but in general) by the constant comparing.

And meant to add @Nosdacariad that I haven’t experienced DE with a man however knowing how much I I overthink, it would make me worry he wasn’t too into me. Even though that may not be the root cause.

The ex I mentioned that had some initial ED, he went through a phase at around the one year mark where he completely lost his sex drive. Continued for around 2-3 months and it made me feel absolutely awful. Plus whenever we spoke about it he would just clam up. He did say that it wouldn’t bother him if he never got his drive back again and tbh I was considering ending it, but suddenly reappeared from nowhere. (Hadn’t told him my thoughts re leaving).

I use Claude for work, and it’s by far better than Chat GPT. I’ve not tried it for relationship stuff - chatGPT was my only try for that, but I had only just discovered AI then really. ChatGPT was crazy biased towards me. I reckon Claude could be good.

empirebiscuits12 I think that's a hard habit to stop, isn't it! (Comparing them to your ex)

Yes either as you say or medication interfering with the biochemistry.

MrX had "driven and ambitious" on his tinder. His only ambition was lying on his back watching reels.

I get that it happens and I have racked my brains to think "is it me" but it's the non-treating of it that I find so depressing and "I don't care if I never get it back" would be very difficult to deal with.

MrX finally, 18 months in, got his sorted. I NEVER want to go through that again as if not for me he would still not be on working order. I guess I know it wasn't me because when he got it treated he was fine.

Just tried Claude. Feels stodgy.

I have a first date with Good-lookimg planned tonight - I am not sure what we will talk about as our messages are very bland.....

T-Rex I am seeing on Thursday - substantially more excited about him. But trying not to let myself get too hopeful.

I don't think either ED or DE can ever be the woman's fault, or down to him not fancying you enough. From my understanding that's just not how the male orgasm/erections work.

It can however be down to them finding you intimidating, or the situation, which could be because he likes you too much......

If it just happens once or twice it can be due to nerves and settle down. But if it keep happening there is definitely more of a problem they need to look into.

Treatments have really high rates of success! So there is really now excuse for them to not try to get it sorted.....

I don't think I'm intimidating...but who knows?!

He may well have been intimidated by the situation, realising that he had a chance with an amazing woman, way better than his usual (see the harem) or than what he deserves ......

I've started to feel really unwell - migraine coming on I think - may have to postpone Mr Good looking..... Which would be a shame, but I don't feel absolutely gutted at the prospect, which probably tells me a lot.....

Thanks @Ilovelurchers and that probably does tell you a lot x

Well, waited for Mr Polyglot to confirm date for tomorrow. He didn't, so I texted him in advance and asked if he was still on for tomorrow. He just texted back to say he'd forgotten, is busy and can't make it. Should I just bin with a 'Well, you don't sound very motivated to meet, so I suggest we call it a day' type message? Shame, because he sounded nice.

I wouldn’t reply at all .