The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’ve barely swiped on anyone and those I have and who have messaged me I’ve just ignored .
say to myself I’ll reply later in the day. Then that turns into days and then I’ve left it too late .

Thanks for all the input and advice on Mr Peach. Every morning I wake up to a good morning message from him and today is the first time there’s not been one. Maybe he’s not feeling it either? Or he’s getting vibes off me and is ‘testing’. Perhaps this is where it naturally fizzles out? Who knows!

Does it bother you?

I’m not too sure how I feel. Part of me is a little sad that it may fizzle out and another part is curious/annoyed if it’s some kind of test.

He may be busy/forgot. It may not be a test.

Is he doing more than half the messaging?

This is true!

Id say the messaging is pretty equal in general and always like clockwork. He is up earlier than me in the morning and messages first. Then I always send him a message after work because I finish earlier, and we send a few messages back and forth in the evening.

empirebiscuits12 It may have genuinely slipped his mind then. Too early to say really but try not to overthink it (easy to say!)

@empirebiscuits12 are you feeling anxious/deflated or "thank goodness"?

That will tell you something.

@Nosdacariad I’d say more confused and deflated. Definitely not ‘thank goodness’. I’m really having trouble trying to work out how I feel about this one.

I’ve sent him a quick message because I feel silly just sitting on this and stewing over an absent text.

Good.

This happened with MrX. He had broken his phone.

I feel exactly the same! Finding it very hard to get motivated about anyone. This is why I'm a bit pissed off about Mr Polyglot, his was the only chat I was interested in.

Had a bit of a spring clean - went through some chats last night and deleted some stagnant ones, ones clearly too far away etc. Also made an assessment of how useful these various platforms are. I've had most dates via Tinder and Bumble, more second dates/situationships via Bumble, my longest relationship (from the apps) from Feeld (surprisingly!). Match seems to have the best fit in terms of distance and lifestyle. I think I've had fewer than 5/6 Hinge dates although this is where the nicest men seem to be. Oh, I'm also on OK Cupid - don't like the format very much and don't think I've ever had a date from there.

Not on Tinder at the moment but am getting a bit sick of seeing the same profiles on Bumble and Match - think it's because my algorithm has slowed right down due to lack of swiping. And Feeld types are not really what I'm looking for.

Have a busy week coming up so I might just let those chats fade away and then delete the apps for a while. I actually had a date ' in the wild' in May - nice guy but no spark.

A date in the wild!

I'm on fb dating (dire!) and Hinge (slow) and notalot going on.

I'm still feeling very very upset over Planes' comment 😭

Yes my 'date in the wild' was a friend of a friend and I'd met him at a couple of events and we got on well. We did a little DIY picnic next to a lake for our date, which was really nice. It was actually great to have that old-fashioned experience! I was hoping that I could find him attractive through his personality but not my type at all physically though, sadly.

@Nosdacariad It's awful when a comment or behaviour (like Planes') rankles with you like that. If there's one thing it's valuable for, it's to warn you when you sense that kind of character the next time. The best thing for you at the moment is probably distraction. Update your profile with a new photo/text. Swipe on unlikely-looking types just to get some traction with the algorithm. Friday onwards I have some days out with little or no signal so I'm looking forward to that. Have you something nice to look forward to?

I find Hinge the slowest too, not sure if it's because it's meant to attract people genuinely looking for a relationship when other apps lean towards just hook ups.

Aww 💐- it’s no good saying forget it - you cant force that - but please, please also remember the punching comments and know he was deliberately negging you as he’s a loser that was losing you.

Also remember how horrible he got for no good reason if you are ever tempted by him again xx

Following

Thank you @Chocolatefreak and @MsJinks 💗💗💗

I don't really have anything planned but although I miss him I and my bank balance are enjoying not being in the pub 2/3 nights a week. Sometimes with the landlady 😱

Can I join ladies? Going through an acrimonious divorce after 10 years from someone who was once the love of my life. He was my only relationship (I know…) Have young DC below 8 and feel like I’m doomed. I’m 40 and a Muslim- have given up on Muslim men.

Ps. I’ve tried Muslim matrimonial apps (dire) and Hinge (a mixed bag of men).

Welcome and I'm sorry about your divorce 💐💐💐

Hi Secon - welcome! This is a lovely group, I have found it SO supportive, helpful and non-judgemental.

You mention being Muslim - are you open to dating non-Muslim men, as long as they are respectful of your faith? Or would that not work for you? (Just asking because it may have an impact on what app recommendations would work best for you).

I seem to get swiped by men of all faiths and none to be fair - I list myself as agnostic, so maybe they think I might be open to converting! 🤣 I've had some good chats with Muslim men in the past - there was one who was a copper who I really liked, but unfortunately I wasn't in the right space for dating at the time, so I called time on it in the end..... I guess the Muslim guys who swipe right on me are probably relatively liberal, as they are (seemingly) willing to date a non-Muslim woman? Same with the other fairh-groups who match....

So there are definitely Muslim guys our there on Bumble etc! But, like all men, the decent ones are probably few and far between! 😥😥

This is absolutely what I found when I split up with my ex, who used to drink loads more than me (alcohol-wiae) yet insists we split rounds..... I was subsidising his massive drinking habit! And that was the tip of the iceberg of financial exploitation in the end.....

Honestly, the more I hear about Planes, the more thankful that I am that you have got away from him so relatively quickly. I really think things had the potential to get bad.....

I know it will be hard for you to see it like that now, because there was also a lot you loved about him. But focusing on the negatives is a really good strategy.

A Spring Clean is a good idea - I have done this too in fact, I am trying to run down my chats on Bumble and Hinge, and just focus on Facebook Dating for now - that is a full time job in itself, keeping up with all the likes, and if I am using all three I feel it eats up too much time......

I now just have Mr T-Rex on Bumble and Mr Good-looking on Hinge, and I am meeting (or at least being stood up by) them both by the end of the weekend, so will know one way or another ..m

@Ilovelurchers remind me what's happening with Mr Comedy again? @secon Welcome! How far into your divorce are you? Was it you who initiated it?

Thanks @Ilovelurchers yes I think he was working up to something a bit bigger financially. I wonder if that was why the devaluing started.

Also good job on the dates front 😁

Ha, this is me too at the moment. Just struggling to get excited about anyone via the apps. I’ve banned myself from using them until at least the end of his month.