The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@CleanShirt- definitely this.

I once had the objectively best first date I ever had, and still in many ways was, but I was still hung up on Mr Big Player - so it didn’t go anywhere though we tried a couple of more dates - and he had his own house and good career though Player did too tbf.

Can’t really regret it - the heart wants what it wants - but my god I persisted with Player beyond all reason - and looking back well now he’d just be a big ick all round - the heart is a funny thing.

Are you going to keep seeing Mr Hat though? Maybe you’ll warm to him - maybe limit the hours together though at least for now.

Mr Comedy might genuinely have stuff going on. He sounds decent though if he bothered to explain. And I'm sure he'll appreciate your response.

Well done for packing the dates in! I think it's a good strategy. Out of 30+ first dates since being on and off the apps since 2023, I've had maybe five second dates and two short relationships. I think it's a numbers game - the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you'll encounter someone you like.

Radio silence from Mr Polyglot - he's been travelling every weekend since we started chatting. We set a date for the 8th but haven't heard anything since last week. It would be a shame if he ghosted me now - if anything just to set a record of longest chat before meeting in person😂

All those dates though Lurchers! They do say it’s a numbers game as well.

So Mr Comedy - no point wondering- however, I have been him before - tried dating, as I really wanted to, but life and energy levels didn’t take me far at all and I just couldn’t follow up on dates, even for first one sometimes - I decided then it was unfair and didn’t bother at all for a while. So it absolutely could be straight down the line. I get it’s disappointing though to be on the other side of that.

Onwards and upwards 💗

I've just had a bit of a realisation...see what you think.

Planes tells me he only has £200 to last til payday. Gets alerts saying he's £20 from his cc limit. Has to transfer money to cc to pay for breakfast. Has a mystery money source. Has already been late with rent. Pips me to the post to pay for dinner our last evening together (literally slapped his card on the machine just before mine).
Next day starts criticising - my shower, my bathroom, then the comment on my size...where was this going?

@Nosdacariad maybe he wanted to pay to assert authority, then he could be all judgy?

I think it might be more that I was being set up to loan him a bigger chunk of money...

I think that tells us Planes was very poor with money all round. Because if I was down to my last £200 I wouldn't be suggesting meals out, I'd be offering my date a nice meal at home that I would put a lot of energy into, but that would be fairly cheap to make (a nice curry with lots of vegetarian side dishes maybe). Or cooking their favourite food. Bascially finding ways to still give my date a really good evening that didn't cost much!

I presume he insisted on paying because he is impulsive and doesn't think things through, then immediately started stressing about it/resenting it, and so started taking that out on you with all the horrible negging.

It all goes to show that you are way better off without that unpleasant loser! X

Thanks all for the Mr Comedy reassurance - he sent another lovely message saying that if things change he will certainly get in touch if we are both still single then. I know that will almost certainly never happen, but it feels like a nice note to leave it on.

Feeling mixed vibes about my dates this week:
Weds - Mr Good-looking - seems a lovely guy but we are just very different. Mostly I am interested to see if I fancy him in the flesh - I haven't overwhelmingly fancied any of them so far, and I do wonder if that's just because I am so hard in lust with FWB.

Thurs - Mr T-Rex - so far I am loving his pics and his messages - and we seen to have quite a connection - seems like a quirky guy. This is the one I am mostly looking forward to.

Sat - Mr Bursar - he is the one who was being excessively complimentary (I got mixed up and thought it was Mr Aural). Anyway he has stopped that now, and his messages are actually quite short. But it has put me off a little. Also not wild about his pics. But his job really interests me and is very impressive I think for someone his age, so mostly I am a bit in awe of that. We will see ....

Anyway, I have lovely FWB here tonight, so having a lovely relaxed night and trying not to worry too much about Comedy - there is no point taking it personally as you all say. Thank you, you are all very wise and a great help!

I think if I spent that length of time with anyone new would be slightly exhausted too, however nice they were! And your feelings for Mullet won't be helping. (As I just said, I sometimes think the degree to which I fancy FWB makes it harder for me to find others attractive). It's human nature I think - most of us are innately sexually monogamous on some level maybe? Though I dunno, I could be talking rubbish - don't listen to me!

Anyway, try to to over think it. Have fun with Hat, and don't worry too much about where it's going, as that will all become apparent in the fullness of time.....

@Ilovelurchers has Mr T Rex got very short arms?!

Oh no I remember he looks like Marc B

I've lived on my own for so long I need time to be insular 🤣

I will definitely continue to see Mr Hat, I think I'll regret it if I don't. A friend is having a small bbq on Saturday and thinking of inviting him to see what others think.

He certainly does in the photos. And when I mentioned it he said he had been likened to M.B before, which is a punchy thing to say unless you are an absolute stunner.in the flesh. So here's hoping!

That's a nice idea, if you feel ready for it....❤️ And if he does, of course. Don't be disappointed if he says he can't make it - that would make me incredibly nervous - though if I liked the person I would also feel thrilled to have been asked!

@Nosdacariad this made me laugh! Interesting visual imagine.

So Mr Musical sent a low effort message. No mention of the nearly 2 weeks of silence. I have to just ignore him / block him at this point don’t I? Assume just circling round as other leads have dried up.

Discussed it with both Gemini and Chat GPT and they gave totally different advice! Gemini was outraged on my behalf and said block or leave on read whereas Chat GPT thought he deserved a medal for reaching out at last! Had to tell him/ it off.

Went on a date with Mr Creative and it was a hard no. A bit too pompous and posh for the likes of me.

Which leaves me with zero irons and zero dates lined up. I’ve paused my apps and will take a few days out and then might try FB dating or Tinder as I’m so bored of the Hinge / Bumble folk at this point.

@Ilovelurchers aw sorry to hear about Mr Comedy, this is certainly unexpected particularly because he has had you entertained on dates by having you laughing so much. He does a bit of stand up too doesn’t he? I know he mentioned anxiety but it sounds to me like he’s experiencing some burnout as well? Either way it’s good that he’s been honest with you instead of doing the slow fade, and as though you’ve handled it sensitively towards him. Still a bummer though 😔 But you’ll get there my love, he’s obviously not your one, and as always we are here cheering you on! x

Ooh 34 hours is a long time with someone who’s quite loud, or it would be for me anyway. Although like you say there’s lots of green flags.

Mr Mullet, it sounds as though you prefer him even though there’s the messaging while with you red flag.

This is quite the conundrum! Have you had a chat with Mullet about this? I think if you have and he continues with this behaviour then you may have your answer? As others say though the heart wants what the heart wants x

I’m wide awake at this stupid hour (thanks peri!) and mulling over things with Mr Peach.

We haven’t set anything up for date 3 but are continuing to message. He does seem very keen….dare I say it, more than I am. He’s mentioned we should think about what to do when we meet up again but I realise I’ve been kind of swerving it a bit.

So many green flags….kind, respectful, responsive, funny, own place, decent job, sex was great. I definitely like him but I don’t feel my fire burning if that makes sense? I know I shouldn’t compare but I remember the excitement I’d feel when I’d get a text from my ex.

Peach is a lovely guy and I do think I need to give it more time to see if this lust will appear. I know lust doesn’t last forever but surely it should be here at this stage? And I know that I’ve slept with him so there’s obviously some there however I feel like there should be fireworks?

Im my own worst enemy here, so many great things but I still find fault! (Not him, me).

Sorry to hear about Mr Comedy. The fact he is messaging you to explain himself rather than the usual ghosting suggests it could be genuine or at least, whatever the reason, he liked you enough to give you a reason, which is rare in my experience.

I’ve also been on 9 first dates this round and only 2 led to 2nd dates (one got to 5) but none quite got as far as a burgeoning relationship / situationship. I read that on average it can take 10-20 first dates to meet someone you connect with so I think this is entirely normal even if it can feel a bit depressing.

Do you think it’s the fact he’s keen that’s putting you off? I think in the past that has happened to me. There’s just something more alluring about someone who isn’t so available.

Was your breakup with your ex recent? I don’t think I’d expect fireworks at this stage, especially as you have only just met and are still getting to know each other. For me, personally I think I’ve rarely experienced that with someone brand new and only when I’ve finally gotten together with someone I’d been lusting after for some time!

He sounds a good guy and worth a 3rd date to see if anything grows unless you’ve realised you’re really not feeling it.

I had this before with a guy last year. It was really hard for me to put my finger on what didn’t feel right because in every other respect he ticked all the boxes I could ask for. But I realised in the end that it was a combination chemistry (great on paper, but just no fireworks as you put it) and being ultra keen. He even bought me flowers and referenced having told his family about me, about 5-6 dates in. And it had me running for the hills!

It sounds like you want to give him a chance which is totally understandable. But don’t ignore your gut feeling if it continues.

I can definitely empathise with this - during my last round of dating, I met a guy who was super-keem, had loads in common with me, the sex was really good (technically anyway - somehow I just couldn't lose myself in it in the way I can with FWB, and a few others over the years).

Even though this guy was great on paper I just couldn't get excited about him...... And part of me does wonder whether I will EVER be truly attracted to a nice man, who really wants to see me and makes things easy......

It's difficult to know whether you should give Peach a chance, or just liisten to your gut.

If he turned up this second at your door with a bunch of flowers and rockets to Paris, what would your reaction be, honestly? Your immediate reaction, without time to think about it. Because I think that will try ell you a lot.

Chatgpt is annoying me so much with its equivocation. Apparently planes may have accidentally said that rude thing and may genuinely just be having 1:1 drinks with his ex "friend" at hers in all innocence.

I agree gemini is quite hang 'em flog 'em. Does anyone use Claude?

I'd leave Mr Musical on read for a few days then block.

Sorry he was not more respectful xxx

I am loving my chat with T-Rex - he has sent a message describing his ideal holiday and it is so uncannily like my own.....

Mr Good-looking on the other hand I am less sure about (nothing he has done "wrong" - our messages just don't really have any depth to them). And he asked to bring the date forwards so I am now seeing him tonight.....

Does anyone else sometimes arrange dates even though you are about 90% certain it won't work out? Or is it just me? I can't really work out why I do it...... Gemini told me to stop, to have higher expectations and unmatch with anyone who doesn't tick ALL boxes...... but it looks like I can't resist bending my own rules for some reason.....

Only you can decide how long to wait and see.

Would you rather be the slightly keener person?

Re Chat GPT and Gemini, my daughter says Chat is male and Gemini is female, so maybe that accounts for Chat excessively sympathising with the guys, whatever their poor behaviour? I haven't tried Chat for dating advice, and from what I have read on here I don't think I will bother!

Gemini is excellent but she does appear to see me as a vulnerable creature who needs protecting at any cost. This is not just in the sphere of dating - she was convinced the topical fish shop were trying to rip me off and sell me substandard fish over the weekend......

I have a tendency to be a push-over, so I think her brand of take-no-prisoners boundary setting is probably just what I need.

Haven't tried any others.....