The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I think your position is absolutely reasonable and can you ask him about the living sitch?

If he is enmeshed with the landlady run for the hills!!

I know, Nosdacariad. I've been there & done that, with a man who'd moved back in with his mum, & 8 years later was still there. Paying her zero rent. Saving nothing.

Ilovelurchers I'm glad that you had such a lovely afternoon! I agree with Nosdacariad, ask him about the living situation & then go from there.

Apropos of nothing to those who told me to buy myself a cheering gift, I found a boden anna dress in violet linen on vinted.

Planes says I "rock them" at least for someone much less slim than the rest of the harem.

I imagine you look sensational! Well done, you. Seriously, you are handling this really well.

Planes is an idiot, and I have no doubt that in his heart of hearts he knows how stupid he has been. Probably desperately trying to convince himself the break up was his choice.....

Thanks @Ilovelurchers his comment was off the back of me being pleased at my gym progress. Maybe it hit a nerve.

Ooh that sounds gorgeous! Good for you

I’ve chatted to so many guys who have been living with parents (or in Mr Finance’s case he was waiting for the ex-marital home to sell before moving back to his parents. This was the guy who dropped the bomb that his wife had walked out on him just 3 months before). I absolutely never consider someone who doesn’t have their own place because I’m scared of potential cock lodgers.

I forgot to update on my Instagram dating!

(I'm not trying to date on there, it's accidental)

It's relentless. There isn't a single day when I don't have at least 1 (they are 95% men) message trying it on.

Hi
How are you?
Are you married?
Can I have your WhatsApp?
Where are you based?
Can I have a photo?
Are you single?
Here's my WhatsApp.

Is usually how it goes (although I'm ignoring after question 3)

I did have one the other day who was trying to set me up with his dad, which was actually quite funny, once I realised what he was doing.

It's frustrating though. Like a man can't see that a woman is online without thinking 'Ooh, she will want to date me'

Mr Veg went on and on about how much money he has and that he lives in social housing.
Either it was a lie about the money or he should free up his council flat for someone who needs it.

Going on about how much money he has would have given me the ick to be honest!

I chatted to a guy a while ago who had recently been promoted and went on about the company car he was getting and how he couldn’t decide between < insert names of super fancy cars here > and how he’d been to Edinburgh city centre that weekend and spent £1.5k on clothes. All I could hear in my head was Shania Twain “So he’s got a car? That don’t impress me much, oh oh ohhhhh” 😂

Yeah, I fear cocklodgers too. I think my baseline is going to be that the guy has his own place, whether rented or owned. (I only bought my flat recently and was renting before, so I would never judge based on that).

But I want someone who has his shit together and isn't still financially reliant on his parents.

@Ilovelurchers That’s exactly how I feel - there’s a high bar for anyone to prove they deserve a place in my life!

Oh definitely, when I said “own place” I meant rented as well as own. Also council housing etc. Just not living with parents! One of my non negotiables now x

I met Mr Travel. It was ok but when referred to his daughter as toxic within first 10 minutes red flags were waving loud and clear.

i’m so over online dating already!

That's quite a revealing thing to say and probably translates as

"My daughter sees through me" or

"I treated her mum so badly she has come out in sympathy"

Sorry - it's a little disappointment every time isn't it x

@Nosdacariad100%
My own Dad walked out when I was 16, was my reaction “toxic”’or normal fallout of a comfused, heartbroken teenager? 🤨

Had no desire to explore why Mr Trevel
labelled her so, it was enough to send me running.

Mr Situationship had his own council flat - cash towards his next property - was returning to work in a 2-4 weeks after a month off sick. The first was true - the rest not so much. I didn’t get a cock lodger but I spent an awful lot on our drinks, loans that sometimes were repaid - and mainly there was a great clash between our values of working - oh and fibbing!

I’d definitely be careful going forwards. I took note that Mr Not for Me had no specific job and lived with his son before continuing dates although I wasn’t attracted and didn’t progress dates.

It isn’t really just the cocklodging I think - though that’s bad - but it incorporates the whole values thing - including the grasping and meanness with own resources etc that can be problems too.

Totally right thing to do - I guess as his daughter maybe didn’t ‘adore’ him as was his due.

I once didn’t progress to a date when he told me his ex wife was an alcoholic (just actually felt like she probably had one wine on a Friday somehow but still) and had generally turned the kids against him.

Onwards and upwards!

Puddleduck2013 Shame, but at least he showed his true colours early.

MsJinks I was once chatting to one who said that women judge him for having kids with Two women. Then went on to tell me how one of the kids is toxic (at 10 years old) so he hasn't seen them for 2 years but he'd there for them as an adult if they want, after they've got away from their toxic mother.

I just ended the chat, without telling him 'No mate, it isn't the having kids with Two women you are being judged for'.

Bravo! Well done @Nosdacariad for getting back on the horse!

Mr Situationship sounds like MrX.

I would not be lending money again or covering more than 50% costs.

I'm starting to question planes' assertion that his ex wife didn't sleep with him for the last 20 years of his marriage.

She was probably worried what she might catch.

It sounds very unlikely tbh though - I think possibly (probably) Planes may be one of those guys where everything he says should be questioned if his mouth opened unfortunately.

You’re doing so well - I forgot to say the dress sounds awesome and I know you’ll find the guy to wear it for - but better than that where it for yourself and know how amazing you look 💗

It was so stupid when I look back - wasted a lot on a waster really. The first couple of years I was still hoping for more - god knows why! - but then drifted into regular weekly/twice weekly meet ups without bother, but still spending too much, as habit - finally ended up a hook up 3-4 times a year - when I thought listening to his bullshit was a fair deal for a drink and that - until it really was not ha! But so pointless, for so long.

He did give us a hand on a couple of things tbf and I enjoyed a holiday or two - but time goes so fast and we were going nowhere. I’d definitely not bother with such again.

@Puddleduck2013 my ex says those kind of things about me & our daughters, in fact his mum too and any other woman who hasn't agreed with his behaviour! Massive warning flag!

I had a date yesterday morning... seemed like a nice guy but not for me. He followed up to ask to swap numbers & second date but I've said no.

Have a date lined up in a couple of weeks.. drinks with Mr Disney...

The ex I keep mentioning (the nice one from earlier this year) randomly text me yesterday which threw me a little. But we did agree to be friends & it was just a friendly message. I just need to remember not to read into it too much!

I think im just getting the ick with men in general at the moment lol. I've paused both apps as just cannot be bothered! Ugh!

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend x