The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Morning all, so glad most of you are out there having decent dates. Sorry I can’t tag individually, I’d need to write down all the names but I’ve read all the updates and I’d just go with whatever feels right at the time.

Planes is a massive headfuck and is probably trying to control the situation for his benefit. I’d block him but I’m sorry you’re hurting. You’ll never get the truth from him so if make up my own ending and run with that version to settle my mind.

i love the dates Charismatic plans, I’d just want more of that.

cant stand men who overly compliment. It feels shallow.

Nothing wrong with sex with someone you fancy, I hope it was great sex.

my iron (3 months in) has annoyed me. He’s unwell this weekend but my time is precious and I feel like I’m being a spoilt brat. I haven’t communicated this to him but I’m feeling unsettled at two cancellations and no plans for next weekend and have begun wondering if he has the time/motivation to prioritise me.

Tony. The human Adonis with the personality of a damp sponge. He turns up at my flat. He buzzes the intercom looking like he’s just walked off a photoshoot, jawline for days, close fit t-shirt, the works. I smile in my summer dress and say ‘I’ll get my bag, one moment’. Then he pulls out these four cans of Cruzcampo from his backpack like he’s offering me the crown jewels and walks in past me. I’m just staring at them saying ‘we agreed on a drink. Out. In a bar’.

He came in and I was overruled. The conversation was painful. He kept talking about exercise, some crypto madness and when he paused I just wanted to climb him like a tree but also tape his mouth shut. The tension was weird because he’s oblivious to his own arrogance mixed with that flickering insecurity. It was tragic. After about two endless hours and a half, the beer was gone, and he was clearly gearing up to move to the bedroom. I wasn’t by then, as a mix of bloat from where I am in my cycle and the one can of beer I had to his three meant I just wanted this all to end.

I looked him in the eye and said, "Do you want me to toss you off before you go?"

Christ, they just can't help themselves, can they....

What made him imagine you would enjoy being called that, really? What thought process goes into typing those words? I'd love to know.

How it ended. He froze. Then he got this weird, panicked look, like I’d just offered to poison him. I did too I suppose as what had come out of my mouth shocked me and took me back to the teenage boyfriend. He mumbled "not this time," and sped off.

I closed the door after Tony and for a while just stared at its paint wondering if I’d been rejected or if he was just fundamentally broken. Still haven't decided. “NOT THIS TIME” perhaps means no never or I’ll be back to take up the offer with some more cans next weekend? Tossed like a salad.

Good luck with the eye and the date anyway.

I do hope Cars wasn’t 17 - he sounds it 🙈🤣 Why do they imagine we’d enjoy them saying this stuff - you could try answering ‘What, Cars Small Cock’? Make him think!

You know I sometimes wish I’d had the balls to offer this/similar to some guys/weirdos - I always assumed they’d run a mile - looks like I was right lol.

Thanks for sharing - especially as I never did trial it!

Onwards and upwards - you are the prize.

Ah - guys that are unwell - if it’s very real then maybe a bit of leeway here? If it’s not so bad but accompanied by the dressing gown of doom not so much ha!

I get what you mean about prioritising - Mr Tree is amazing in person - awesome - loving it - but the texts/planning make me wonder about where I lie on his priorities sometimes- though once he’s said something it happens - it’s just he has quite the routine going in the rest of his life where there seems to be little imagination he could change it up if our regular days can’t happen - and tbh even the days I know we are available are often booked in later than I’d like - I made suggestions to do stuff just twice and he jumped on them but I’m not going to do too much lifting!

I’m nearly at 3 months - it’s reckoned to be a pivot point from dating into either getting fed up and stopping or becoming a bit more established- though there are few rules nowadays really and stuff moves at different paces. I’m not really at either of those 2 points tbh - maybe veering on getting a closer and less text anxiety - but not anything specifically established - how about you?

I’m definitely trying to just enjoy the ride but can’t help but overthink at times.

Are you confident something will get booked in? Are you a bit more established as a ‘two’? Will you say anything or just wait to see what he does?

Anyway - you are totally entitled to feel pissed off - you are the prize and he needs to still be treating you as such. Good luck with it.

I unmatched with a reasonably promising iron earlier when he revealed that he is now living with his mom, and now feel a bit mean, as he did also say she was poorly and he was helping care for her.

I moved back to this area to help look after my dad (though I didn't move in with my parents), so I do know that this can be a very real and very necessary choice..... But this iron also added that he had recently sold his business, and, I dunno, I just felt like I wasn't getting the whole story.....

And in a practical sense, whatever his reasons for living with his mom, I don't really want to end up in a situation where the guy has to come over to mine every time we want to be together.... As it's not a huge leap from that and then expecting to move in.....

Am I paranoid?

I had an incredibly strange suggestion from a hospice nurse when caring for my ma on EOL - to just get on OLD with a bare faced pic as it had worked for her. I couldn’t really imagine how the dates would go tbh - hey come round you can sit there whilst I change or feed my ma 👀

I had moved in with her but still had my own place - has he not? It sounds like his Mum’s ‘poorly’ is a bit of an excuse for not being able to live solo honestly- I may be cynical though!

I like going to other’s homes and keep mine for me ha - but yes I think after a certain point in life it’s not unreasonable to generally expect you can stay at either/or with no real issue - so that’s a downer anyway. Plus as you say so very easy for them just not to go home - and for his mum to miraculously fully recover.

Not mean at all - good boundaries - there’s plenty more who are solvent and sorted.

It makes total sense that this would annoy you. Is he genuinely unwell or has he just taken to whingeing about notalot?

Ok

If this is true I'm very worried for your safety.

He'd probably send a pic to demonstrate.

You are not paranoid AND I bet it would be news to his Mum to hear HE is looking after HER.

Good choice 😘

So Mr Veg...was attentive and surface-nice. Some things he said did not ring true, I didn't fancy him whatsoever, he is awaiting a knee replacement and Springsteen wrote Glory Days about him.

Still v sad about planes. I miss him. But not sure why. Got to remember I broke up with him and none of the reasons have changed.

I found this happened to me with dates who I really didn't fancy in the least - it made me really miss my ex and think, if only he hadn't done this or that.... But in reality, he did this and that because that's his Intrinsic character, and the same is true of Planes (I fully expect) . We didn't just have bad luck with these guys, or handle it badly, it was always going to turn out this way in the end, because that's who they are.

Only time can help you fully accept this I think. It is very sad, but I still think you are doing the right and brave thing, getting back out there. The quickest way out is through.....

It's natural to start analysing things at around the 3 months mark I think, and probably quite healthy to do so, though don't lose sight of the fact that the journey is as important as the destination.....

What would being a more established couple look like to you - is it more time together? Meeting each others' families? Also, try to ask yourself if you want these things actually for their own sake, or more for what they would symbolise. And if the latter, in whose eyes - yours? The world's?

Your relationship can be whatever you and Trees want it to be. I think one of the great benefits of being out age is that we are no longer constrained to a certain timeline by our good old biological clocks.....

By the way, for anyone wondering what apps to use, I would highly recommend Facebook Dating. I only tried it a couple of days ago and have had SO many more matches on it than I was getting on Bumble and Hinge - better quality ones too, and more variety.

In fact I am thinking of ceasing to use the others, once the existing matches I have on there peter out.... (I've got two left on each I think, and two of those I am meant to have first dates with next week, so shouldn't be too long)

I prefer the ones who reveal themselves first date.

Veg has asked for another date. He is quite boring and old for his age.

Are you considering it? Doesn't sound like there would be much point, but then perhaps I am too quick to dismiss things.....

You can definitely take the positives that both these guys clearly found you very attractive and are keen to see you again - so it is further proof (if proof were needed) that you are a gorgeous woman inside and out, and Planes is a fool.

Thank you 😘

No there doesn't seem much point. Men seem to get old for their age very fast!

Cars is busy on Hinge today.

Typical! I reckon you can do better than either of these guys - but they may have served a purpose in being the first step in your journey of moving forwards from Planes. You should take the confidence boost that plenty of guys out there are keen to date you!

Have you got anyone else you are chatting to at the moment?

No other irons atm @Ilovelurchers

Veg also had bad breath.

Thank you Lurchers - that’s really nice/helpful. I don’t ponder over much but it crosses my mind - I do enjoy the journey for sure!

I guess if I wanted anything it would just be surety it’s continuing for now - I can’t see why it wouldn’t - but I’m sometimes checking in with myself finding myself reasons why it wouldn’t and reasons why he wouldn’t want it to or things he may do meaning I wouldn’t want it to - I think this is partly a defensive be ready position from previous relationships though, along with my sarky and compliment refusal lol, so I try (and am succeeding somewhat) to put that stuff away to an extent and just go with it. Old habits, past memories die hard sometimes though.

And yes indeed - benefits of age - no timeline to chase, no pressure, no intention of meeting either family and I like it separate tbh - tbf we both have too many kids/grandkids for that to be an easy and non committal ride lol - easier separate- though my kids I think would love to see him out of pure bloody nosiness! - and I don’t actually want to, or think I could, live with anyone at my stage. I really like how this age improves dating tbh.

He has said the best bits are just me/him, world goes away, and nothing else matters - I am fully onboard with that - and loved hearing it too lol.

I kept telling my 38 year old who does really want full on, live together thing still that she’s not exactly running out of time but the dating thing is very different at 60 and probably by then her preferred relationship wouldn’t be as much of an option and obviously is hardly any life to grow together - iyswim. She had a not up for that guy for the last 3 years which is why I mentioned it to her - a few times lol.

It is really lovely all round for now - guess I just keep thinking it might all stop sometimes - and whilst I’d still have had a great time etc and met a lovely person - it would definitely ruin my bar for OLD for a bit lol.

Hi everyone, a newby both here and to OLD. Early 50s, started chatting on Bumble. Two chats going. Mr Spanish, and Mr French. Mr French considerably older but a lot of things we align on and tbh, I am more interested in him than Mr Spanish. However, he’s so slow with responding, we’re chatting on WhatsApp and he didn’t even open my last message from yesterday eve. I know he’s on holiday with friends but seriously, how long does it take to click to open? Don’t want to get into the tick for tack and not respond for a day after he responded. Tempted to just say that he doesn’t seem that interested so thanks and good luck?
mr Spanish a bit better but also slow.

@MsJinks has anything come up that might put you off him?