The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Was watching a movie with my daughter tonight so didn't check the apps for a few hours - when I did I found another disappointing couple of messages:

I had been chatting with a new guy, Mr Northerner (who seemed promising so far) about camping, and told him that I like wild camping but as a woman don't feel safe doing that on my own/with my daughter. He asked me if I am scared to have to put a tent up on my own.... Patronising fucker! Yeah my weak female arms really struggle to grasp a tent pole....

And Mr Aural keeps banging on at length about how amazingly attractive I am.... Don't get me wrong, a bit of flattery is fine, nice evening, but he is over doing it at this point - I pointed out that we haven't even met yet so we have no idea whether we will have chemistry, but still he continues, and it's actually starting to feel a bit objectifying now - yeah I scrub up ok (I'm nothing special - he's acting like he's never seen a woman before!) , but it's not the only or most interesting thing about me!

Ah well, plenty more irons in the forge.

Goodnight all!

Haha I clearly need to update my celeb goss!

So glad it went well with Cars! What sort of dog was it? Love dogs - it would absolutely make a date for me if someone bought one ....

@Ilovelurchers Mr Aural is giving me the ick from afar! I also find it off putting when men comment too much on my appearance before meeting me. And Mr Northerner sounds condescending.

@Nosdacariad Amazing, and well done you for getting back on the horse (so to speak). What was it about Cars that you liked?

@empirebiscuits12 Love the update, go Mr Peach!! Fully supportive that you should just do what feels right. You only have one life and great sex is one of the best things life has to offer!

@LenaFromTheNineties Good luck, keep us posted on how it goes!

@Polly1979 Sorry to hear about Mr Musical. Honestly, do guys really think we don’t notice if they update their profile?! His loss…

Got a message from Mr Charismatic late yesterday afternoon inviting me over for dinner. Despite not having planned ahead, he somehow managed to knock up a pretty damn good boeuf bourgignon and a wine pairing (cold rainy winter’s night here so it was perfect!). We stayed up late watching a film, then this morning he snuck out to the local bakery while I was still in bed, so I woke up to coffee and pain au chocolat. He basically is the model boyfriend who isn’t my boyfriend 😁 At this rate I’ll be single forever…

@Nosdacariad so glad the date went well!

@empirebiscuits12 sounds exciting!

So I've been out with a friend tonight. Didn't bump into the guy as I was hoping although he's commented on one of my social media posts tonight... why am I trying to read so much into this 😫

I have a date lined up tomorrow morning...not sure im physically attracted to him but hopefully better in real life than pics. Only been messaging for a day so don't know too much about him!

Another date lined up for a couple of weeks time with someone I've been messaging for the last week. We'll call him Mr Disney...

Ilovelurchers I love a walking date, i've had loads of them, but they were all like a leisurely stroll around our lovely park or along the waterfront & then stop to get a coffee, so I wore my nice date dresses (dresses that I'd wear for a nice lunch)

However! Just say that you'd rather do something else, it's fine! I went bowling on a second date once & I really wasn't keen on doing that but I didn't speak up & wish that I had as it's just silly isn't it, why are we sometimes nervous to state our preference?!

Nosdacariad Really glad that you had a good date.

BoxOfCats Whenever you update about him, he always sounds absolutely amazing.

Empirebiscuits12 Great update!

ElleintheWoods I feel like this sometimes! I deleted Bumble as I never go on there. So I just have Hinge hanging around in the background!
I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to decide weather I could swipe on somebody who is the manager at my ex's work, they are in different departments so I'm not sure if they'd know each other & if they did then he'd have only heard negative things about me... (Not that he'd know who I am from my immediate profile) Anyway I decided to go for it but, as ever, he didn't swipe back

He brought his dog? Massive bonus points!! Jokes aside, this all sounds really encouraging!

Thanks lovely!

Yeh I definitely view sex completely differently the older I get. When I was younger it was more a mindset of it being something that was just part of a relationship whereas now it’s something I actively enjoy and I view good sex as a non negotiable. So bonus point for 🍑

But see how it goes with everything else. I’m trying hard not to get too excited about things because it’s only been 2 dates and 2 weeks since we started messaging.

really weird though because - totally unprompted - he said he feels like he knows me and totally at ease with me. Which is something I said earlier in this thread. I casually agreed with him though because I didn’t want to come across all ‘woo’ or too keen. Not that he is, but I’m very aware of love bombing and also me getting too invested too soon (both have happened in the past). Just happy to see where it goes.

I paused my dating account almost 2 weeks ago. Not because of Peach but just because I was getting ‘swipe fatigue’. If things go south with Peach then I’ll keep it paused for a while.

Oh no, the over complimenting would totally put me off too!! And it sounds as though the other guy totally missed the point about the safety aspect of camping alone or with your daughter 🙄

@Ilovelurchers Mr Aural sounds v. Irritating. Planes used to keep saying I had the X Factor which I took the piss out of until he stopped.

@BoxOfCats a sausage dog

@BoxOfCats has the not in a relationship been explicitly said (I think so but can't remember)

@Mildred007 @NervesOfCotton @empirebiscuits12 keep on keeping on xxx

I have known cars online since 25 online from fb dating but we somehow never met. I didn't think we'd have much to say but we did.

I woke up wondering why the hell planes who said he loved me didn't want us back together 😭

I have a date at 11 and a horrible eye infection - think I may have to postpone.

Lots of great updates - I’m going to try and make sure I get folks’ irons right - but if I don’t it’s an old person’s error I’ll apologise for in advance - not a view to getting swapsies started!

@empirebiscuits12- Mr Peach sounds an absolute peach for you - good choice of then lol. I’m 60 and there have been ‘rules’ over the years, especially when young - however, the only sex I really regretted, when I look back now, was the sex I didn’t go for! If they’re after a tally board, which I think is rare now, then that’s on them and if it’s fun it’s still fun. Tbh I wanted to rip Mr Tree’s clothes off early on first date - I only waited till end of that lol. Other date I had, well just didn’t want to kiss much even on 1 or 2 so drew line - probably he’d have been waiting way past rules if id continued to see him! Just enjoy.
@Ilovelurchers- I cannot abide being patronised - absolute ick immediately. Also find it odd if someone keeps saying how lovely my pics are, and in person probably tbf, I’m happy with once but more puts me off - probably as I’m just not sure why and feel it a bit fake. Re the walking date, is it walking, walking or a stroll with a coffee? Some of my ‘walk’ dates (never first one tbf) have maybe been a stagger of less than a mile - on them not me - quite surprising. However, I would try and change it if not wanting to do that.
@Nosdacariad- so glad Mr Cars was a good date - good luck with Mr Vegetable today too - you’re doing so well x
@ElleintheWoods- I’ve been single a lot of my life and it’s ok, good really - though I’m no Taylor Swift! I’ve also been there not wanting to tag someone onto events as a partner - maybe it’s different when you meet someone that works for you? I’ve probably had too many guys I’d die rather than own up to them in public types ha.
@Polly1979- Mr Creative is sounding promising - maybe you could send his poetry to Lurchers for critique if he does send any 🙈🤣
@LenaFromTheNineties- love your posts - hope Tony from Tinder was a winner!
@Puddleduck2013- relax and enjoy - it’s easy to say enjoy it for what it is and hard to do but I guess we should try - good luck!
@BoxOfCats- Mr Charismatic needs to be holding training courses for guys wanting to date - sounds glorious, as all your meet ups.

@Nosdacariad Oh no! Sorry to hear that. Hope you feel better soon!

It's not a relationship, when we had a chat a couple of months ago he referred to it as a "situationship" and said he wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I can see that he is still using Bumble, as the app updates your location whether you open the app and his location usually updates at the weekend. He was definitely throwing himself into dating earlier this year, while he might be seeing others I suspect it's less often now.

Ohh - saw this after posting - sorry about the infection- hopefully Mr Vegetables will be accommodating.

It was a lot to pick yourself up and get out there - maybe you’re a bit run down too - hence infection - but well done.

It is natural to wonder - and to overthink stuff - for me anyway. But when an observer of it I can say it’s kinda pointless as we may never know why but we can know how we felt, how shitty it was, and whether we want that crap in our lives. And that’s what we have to focus on.

However, when I’ve thought on similar I sometimes think they actually meant it in the moment the words left their mouth - but not in a permanent way if that makes sense, as once attention goes elsewhere they’ll mean whatever they’re saying there too. Or they’re downright manipulative. But it is their actions that tell us all we need to know really.

Gang in there - you’re doing great - and you are way, way too good a prize for Planes x

Ooh Nosdacariad What are you going to do? If it's outside could you keep sunglasses on?!

BoxOfCats As long as it's working for you right now, whatever it is, then it's good.

I washed the eye and it settled down so wear specs and hope for the best

Cars just demo'd why I had low expectations by calling me Nosdacariad big boobs 🙃

Aah good, I hope it's not sore.

& They are so juvenile aren't they!

Morning. Having major doubts given how far away Mr Travel lives. Got to drive an hour today to meet him just under half way.
Thats most of today taken up

You never know...my dear late H lived 90 min away when we got together.

Just typing up the Tony from Tinder thing as I want it to be a concise enough account. Before I get there, two things.

1. Me and boundaries. I'm pretty good with them, unless blindsided. If there is a surprise I can freeze rather than flight or fight as I work out what is happening. Not something I am particularly proud of, but it is how it is. I go into dropped jaw mode for a while.
2. I can go back to formative experiences. First real bf (the year above boy when I was in Y11 and Y12) was a handsy one. A key memory was of my mum downstairs while she thought he was helping me with GCSE revision, but we were pretty quiet in my room because his eyes were rolled back while I wore out my wrists. I got good grades but had to take hand and wrist flex breaks because of the furtive madness that passed for revision the evening before.

@Nosdacariadthat’s lovely