The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Tell me about it!! (Civil servant here!)

How the fuck do these guys with profiles like this get a single date? Disgusting.

@Polly1979 sorry darling. Have a break and come out fighting again!

@PotatoFruit they think it's cute? It probably is in an alternate universe.

Date with Mr Cars later. Expecting friends only. At best.

Funnily enough I didn't spot the oral/aural thing but my daughter did - but still suggested I give him another chance (which perhaps foolishly, I have).

I think my family and friends think I am overly judgemental about men who mention sex in the chat - because they know that I am fairly open about discussing sex, don't mind a rude joke or two etc. - but to me it's just not an appropriate context for it, as I am a explicit from the start that I am not looking for hook-ups.

Gemini's advice to give them one chance - straight bat the first sexual reference/joke, and if they don't immediately take the hint, then unmatch on the second one. Do any of you have any thoughts on that?

Good luck with Cars. What sort of date is it?

@Ilovelurchers it depends how you feel/how bad the innuendo is I guess?

Cars - lowish effort drink in hotel. Date 0.

Tomorrow Mr Veg - I have higher hopes of him. My type. Educated. Understands the concept of respinsibility. Coffee and see how we go.

I only got onto Gemini after meeting Mr Tree so I never had her assistance on OLD.

For me in this last iteration it’s been any mention and gone - but many things were mention and gone lol. I wasn’t over fussed at that point though. I am also definitely no prude but agree with you that it’s unnecessary in the context of messaging with a date in mind. In real life we would run if the 3rd question or comment of a conversation with a randomer was sex based wouldn’t we?

I remember one message where we had been getting along ok and we discussed what we were looking for and his was pretty similar to me except he said he wants sex - I just didn’t see the need to be so explicit about it tbh - we are adults on a dating site and we both know sex is part of a relationship, and even part of just dating, so let’s wait to see if it’s an option when we meet was my view. Didn’t matter as I got my date with Mr Tree - I might have let it go though and might not.

Not mentioned once with Mr Tree though we messaged a good while before meeting - it has worked more than well still lol.

I guess some guys’ (and women’s) messaging will be more sexual and I’m not judging that - so maybe they’re putting a feeler out to see if that’s where you’re at or what you want.

So maybe Gemini is right and once is ok - as long as it shuts down. See how it works with this one maybe.

That’s ok - low key - no high expectations but hopefully an ok way to spend an hour or two. Hopefully, and likely, they will be more decent than your recent and previous exes and start getting confidence and faith back 🍀

Thanks Ms Jinks - I wonder if I'm just being super picky and planes was not that bad...

Haha - I also reached 60 now - but early 50s I noticed a bit of a blind spot from men as to my presence other than an asexual human - I do appreciate this tbh - the freedom to move around without grabs or comments - it’s been a while and I’m forgetting what it was like as a younger lady but recall if I’m out and see it happening - sadly.

I work for a charity now so any innuendo about that would anyway probably need reporting 🤢

I’ll just add Mr Tree is also an ex civil servant - never worked anywhere near each other so it’s random - but it’s a small added connection as we both ‘get’ stuff about it, and maybe a bit funny when I see CS phrases in the texts too lol! That is perhaps explaining to you why our texts can be anxiety making ha!

Definitely not being super picky or even picky. Just maintaining standards and boundaries, as anyone should. I hope at least one of the dates goes well though from personal experience it can be tough going if you’re hung up on someone else. I went speed dating when nursing a broken heart and it made me feel worse and miss him even more. I hope that’s not your experience.

First ever app date “Mr Travel”. I am shit scared!
We are meeting for a walk/drink tomorrow afternoon.
potential issues are we live 90 mins apart (utter dirth of available men near me) and at 66 he is 12 years older than me.

however we have had friendly, interesting communication and he comes across as quite youthful.

All advice gratefully
received!

Tony from Tinder should be here around 8 to pick me up to go for a drink. I'll be wearing a dress but not last night's prostitute one.

I must admit it is green flags with Mr Creative so far (except the poetry writing, haha). We’re meeting for lunch and he made a real effort to find out what I like and suggest potential places, which all looked nice but not too formal.

Actually compares favourable to Mr Musical who booked a restaurant but was more ‘let’s go here’ and it was a place much more convenient for him to get to than me. Have been chatting to Gemini and realised there were a couple of things about him that mildly irked me too but I’d been trying to ignore them. Nothing major just his turn of phrase sometimes but the sort of thing that could drive you mad further the line!

Not at all. The negging, the harem, the tine spent drinking, the dodgy financial stuff - each of these alone would be reason enough to reject him. I think if anything you tolerated him for longer than he deserved - which is understandable of course because of your feelings for him.

And things like negging only get worse, in my experience.

Oh wow - good luck! Just relax and try to enjoy it. I would go in with low expectations, and then you can't be disappointed. Statistically, the odds are against any individual date leading anywhere .... But this is a crucial step on your dating journey which WILL lead somewhere in the end.....

Also, don't do what I tended to do (especially in the first few dates this round) and fixate totally on whether or not they like you, to the extent that you stop to consider whether you actually like them! Remember, this is your opportunity to find out if he is worth any more of your time - he is lucky to get the chance of a date with you - you are the prize!

Good luck!

Good luck! X

That's giving me flashbacks to Mr Teacher, an iron I had recently who after our date started sending me his poetry! It was terrible, I didn't know what to say.... I had to unmatch and block in the end. Whatever you do, don't inadvertantly imply that you would like to read it! (Unless you would, obviously.....)

So, Mr Aural (as I will now call him - the one who said he was "Aurally Exceptional" and made the dubious sexual comment) has asked me on a walking date.

I have an absolute horror of walking dates! It has never appealed - I do like walking - but on a first date I want the chance to look my best, which I don't if I am all sweaty with my hair blown everywhere. Plus he might walk faster than me and I will feel like a burden, and my walking stuff isn't flattering, etc etc....

Is it reasonable just to say, I don't like that kind of date? Do I need to explain why? I am actually quite keen to meet him, as apart from those silly comments he sounds great, but ....

On a related note, another new iron, who I will call Mr Bursar, has suggested a date at the weekend and asked what I would like to do. I gave a few options and, remembering a funny chat we had on here a while ago, I made one of them indoor mini-golf! Really really hope he chooses that one. (I did include the more vanilla option of just going for a drink, too! 🤣).

This thread has been busy! Lovely to read about all the dates lined up and looking forward to updates…..good luck lovely ladies!

@Nosdacariad I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there again, it’s difficult to do so well done. And 2 dates lined up so quickly….proof in itself you’re a gorgeous human inside and out, and these men have obviously cottoned on to something super attractive about you (which we all knew was always there anyway!) Have fun, you deserve it!

I had date 2 with Mr Peach 🍑 last night. We met in the city centre for drinks and ended up back at his place. All I’ll say is that I was not disappointed in any department!!!

A bit quick in terms of my usual however it felt right so I went with it! I was raised in a society to think that women who have sex are sluts, so I always waited (especially when younger). To think it was shameful to enjoy sex etc etc. But I have decided to embrace just doing what I think feels right, and it definitely did last night.

A few messages back and forth today with Mr Peach and he seems keen to get a 3rd date booked in, so that’s positive. It was just a loose chat with no details discussed, which I’m okay with at this stage. We’re both pretty tired today 🙈😂

I feel like times are really changing/have changed in that respect.

There are lots of kickass women in the public eye that are single and will remain single. Madonna, Kylie, Sofia Vergara, Sharon Stone, Emma Watson spring to mind from people that everyone would know.

Growing up, most of my friends' parents were highly accomplished single mums that split with the father aaages ago, and never dated or looked to be with anyone afterwards as frankly it would have added little to their life. Different country though, appreciate that not in all countries did women have financial and professional freedom.

Isn't the overall perception among millennial/Gen Z now that having a boyfriend is a bit basic/embarrassing?

I probably have the opposite fear to you, in the sense that while I'd like to be sharing with someone 1-2-1, I don't like the idea of being seen as dating someone, or introducing someone as my partner.

I feel my posts are becoming more and more '101 reasons why I'll remain single while pretending to be interested in dating'

I think Sofia V has a new boyfriend, Emma Watson dates a billlionaire and Madonna is engaged to a 20 something year old? 😅 not disputing your point though, there’s plenty of examples of women who stay single for long times!

@Ilovelurchers thanks for the encouragement to reinstall apps.

@empirebiscuits12 great job 👏🪅🥳

@ElleintheWoods I think your posts offer great balance which is important.

@Ilovelurchers just say I would prefer something indoors/more special.

@Puddleduck2013 enjoy!

Mr Cars was adorable - much chattier than expected and brought his dog. There will be a second date if he plans it.

This is great news - so glad you enjoyed yourself! And you are quite right - there is zero shame in enjoying consensual sex, and you are perfectly entitled to have it at whatever point in a relationship you see fit - anyone who judges you for that is an idiot whose opinions don't matter ....

I'm bloody jealous - i would love to meet someone whose bones I wanted to jump! Just doesn't seem to be happening for me again the moment....