Husband said he wants to spilt up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 3

[mummy917]

Just another follow on thread from the last 2 😊

I second getting a solicitor involved in the consent order details and timing.

In my case I went all the way through to decree absolute plus five years before I applied for and got the consent order, as I wanted to be able to go back to his net assets if I had to and was prepared to take the risk that he would do the same to me. It took five years for me to feel completely confident that my canoe was properly floated and that he presented only a risk, not a life raft. It helped that he was so arrogant that he felt legal process was beneath him so I basically got my way on everything!

Twattoo, though clearly an arrogant twat, seems to be more clued up than my idiot so legal help is probably worth it on this front.

I will definitely be speaking to my solicitor again regarding the financial order. He’s got a great reputation and has been so thorough up to now. I think I need some time to myself when the kids are either with him or at school and nursery, so I can try and get my head around all of this properly. It’s a lot to take in and try to sort out.

OP I've been following the threads and just wanted to say you're absolutely phenomenal! You've handled everything so gracefully

I very much enjoyed rediscovering my dance music favourites in my empty kitchen with a hair-pack on while making loaded nachos to munch while watching You’ve Got Mail or some other random shit.

Freeeeee-dom!!!!!

I also got into cake baking. Nothing fancy. Classic sponge recipe. Delia Smith failsafe stuff.

A nice cake and the smell of baking still fresh as my kids walked in the door went a long way.

Freedom indeed. I used to dance round the kitchen to this, whilst sipping wine, “I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me”, belting it out with George Michael providing backing vocals, after I filed divorce proceedings against my similar twat of stbxh. Poor neighbours😂But it was so bloody liberating. You’re doing so well OP.

What about an additional phase borrowed from Southpark? (to add variety)
Other person "blah Blah Blah"

• "Dude. We don't care."

But Blah Blah Blah

• "We don't care Dude"

But Blah Blah Blah.

• "Look we don't care and we just want to get back to playing our video games Dude"

I am hoping I can find a hobby, but not sure what yet. I really enjoy cooking and would love to expand on that.

I love the idea of greeting the children home with fabulous cooking smells whether their favourite cakes or main meals….

My 4 year old daughter asked to look at baby photos of herself tonight before bed and obviously there were photos of my husband included in them. We looked so happy and I have sat and had a lot of tears in the last half an hour since she fell asleep. I knew this crash was coming 😭

I pawned my engagement and wedding ring and used the money for a little spa day, maybe you could use yours for a new ring

massive hugs incoming from stranger on MN 💐

I’m so sorry, looking through the photos must have been so difficult. It’s absolutely natural you still need time to grieve. It’s incredibly hard when someone else’s decisions have such an impact on you and it’s natural you are still going to crash sometimes. This is still very new to you, of course you are still hurting.

It isn’t a crash, darling, it’s mourning. You’re mourning the life you thought you had and that’s fine. You’ve got this; sit with it, feel it and move on until the next wave, just like with any other bereavement. You know now he’s a twat but you didn’t know then, and you are fully entitled to miss the man you thought he was. Huge hugs.

Couldn't say it better than this.

I know and when I looked at those pictures tonight, I just couldn’t help thinking to myself “that man there is who I married and he never would’ve done this to our family.” It feels surreal that I recognise the man in the photos from 4 and a half years ago, but not the person who stands in front of me a few times a week now.

If you have the receipt for the beds and any messages about them ie proof you paid for them, you can claim the cost from him in your divorce.

I have the receipt in an email and proof I paid for them on my bank statement.

You’re bound to have crashes and it often feels like three steps forward and two steps back but you are doing brilliantly. It’s so hard when you have your whole life planned out with the person you love and then they rip it away from you in the cruelest, most hurtful way possible. And the person you always thought you should be able to rely on for support in difficult times is the very person sticking the knife in.

You are an amazingly strong woman and a wonderful mum. He is a pathetic man-child incapable of sorting out the most basic of things for his own children. There we are then.

Unfortunately for whatever reason that man is gone and doesn’t exist anymore. It’s incredibly sad and of course you are still grieving for him. Just remember this new person is someone totally different, who by the time he sees the children next will have chosen to not see them for nearly two weeks. He barely even FaceTimes them, if he even has since he last had them. Thats not someone deserving of your love.

It took me a while to realise the significance of There We Are Then
😉

I know and you are all so right. I should absolutely hate him and at times I feel like I do. I feel like him 4 years ago would be ashamed and embarrassed of the man he is now.

No there’s been no further FaceTiming and they’re with me until Wednesday morning so will see if there’s any contact between now and then. I’ll be honest, I’m nervous about sending them to him on Wednesday if he hasn’t seen them for a week and a half.

Lovely words and spot on.

He literally hasn’t seen or spoken to them on FaceTime since Sunday? Thats appalling. Has he even asked how they are doing? I imagine they’ve wanted to speak to him in that time, those poor children. I can completely understand why you are so nervous about him having them on Wednesday. Thats a long time for them to go without contact beforehand and then he has them for 5 days straight, they are bound to struggle, if they will even want to go to his house.

It’s poor yes.
However, supposing you’d spent ten days away- holiday, work trip, hospital. Assuming you were physically well, you’d not question for a moment your ability to look after them when you get back, would you?

Why are you questioning his? I mean, yes he’s a selfish idiot. Is he incapable?