Husband said he wants to spilt up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 3

[mummy917]

Just another follow on thread from the last 2 😊

There is just no understanding these men is there?

"Do you think you are being clever?"

I mean wtaf kind of twattish question is that?

Well done for the response btw.

I mean he doesn't want to be married to you so what is going to happen does he think?

As you say, if you wait for him to do anything...

Just a thought OP, I see The Sun holidays are being advertised for autumn, I'm sure money is tight but you may be able to get the tokens and book a few days away at a caravan park for half term, something for the kids to look forward to?

Thinking of your thread title..husband wants to split up, yet by starting divorce proceedings he has been blindsided!?

What did he expect?

i agree having to read the paperwork last night rather than see the DC highlights his true priorities. Like my ex he doesn’t genuinely want to see them very frequently, but thinks 50:50 is a way to minimise maintenance.

He earns more than you doesn’t he? Whose pension is more? Does he have a more expensive car? Just trying to figure out which aspect will cause him angst in the financial order.

Anyway you are doing so well and hope you get a couple of nights away, ideally with a hot tub. Then if he tries to return the DC early you won’t be there! Ironically if you can temporarily reduce your bank account, increase your credit card debt by going away and treating yourself even to a nice bit of jewellery then that helps you in any final accounting. I had to take out a loan (for legal fees) but the loan amount was deducted from our joint assets so reduced what was available for him too.

Its not supposed to stand for anything - but I ended up saying Be Careful What You Wish For to my ex on many occasions, he was adamant he wanted to split, and then when he got what he wanted, he wasn't happy.

Given you list assets and liabilities on the financial order form. You could even treat a girlfriend to a short break, thereby temporarily increasing your credit card, on the understanding that your friend treats you in return later on.

The legal system does not scrutinise expenditure as much as everyone thinks. Obviously buying a Ferrari would mean that was taken into account, but a few hundred pounds here and there on a weekend away or a new garden shed etc would not be criticised.

Just make sure whatever you book can be cancelled last minute without charge in case he decides last minute he can’t have the kids

Oh wow OP - carpe diem!

I bet the divorce papers bitch-slapped that ego of his.😂LOVE IT.

"He asked me if I thought I was clever and I said yes, there we are then and ended the call." 😍

Am seriously impressed with how far you've come in less than a couple of months. You're going to fly without that dead weight holding you back!

Yes it most certainly highlights his priorities and has shown that he will literally do whatever he can to get out of actually spending time with the kids. It’s sad really and embarrassing on his part.

I mean, he must’ve been partially telling the truth as I had an email this morning saying he’d reviewed the information and added his own, so I’ve paid the £612 this morning and it’s been submitted to the court 🥳

If we do the financial consent order through the gov uk divorce process, is that included in the £612 I’ve paid or will I need to pay for that separately down the line? I don’t mind either way, the price of protecting myself and the kids financially is priceless.

And my pension will be more than his by the time I retire.

If you do plan to go away next weekend, do not tell him or the kids about it. If he gets a sniff that you are doing something for your own enjoyment he will use the kids to derail it ASAP.

100% he will do this.

Yeah I’ve already thought of that. I’m going to have a look tonight once the kids are in bed and if I find something and book it, it will be a complete secret 🤐

Good point!

Have followed from the beginning, but not commented so far. But his comments about you filing for divorce resonated. My niece's husband behaved really badly towards her, so she instigated their separation. She decided to file for divorce, but when she told him that, he was really cross because he said "I'm not ready yet!"

Quite how he felt he couldn't be ready after everything that had happened, I have no clue. But There We Are Then.

@mummy917 at least he’s completed his side now and you’ve started the 20 week wait. I really thought he’d drag it out as a form of control.

I've just realised the hidden meaning behind There We Are Then. 🤦‍♀️

It's just me isn't it?

Yep at least the 20 week wait has begun. Concentrate on gathering your info for the consent order
@mummy917 There is an additional court fee of £60 to submit your consent order. Getting your cetv will probably take a while but then equally he will have to disclose his as well and details of any other accounts he has hidden

Yes. I’m sorry to say it’s just you … 🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Just out of interest, how easy is it for people to hide hidden accounts? I've had 2 friends completely f*cked over in their divorces and child maintenance - one's ex worked for the wealthy family business, so they just moved loads of stuff into mil's name and he pleaded poverty. The other decided it would be a good time to leave his well paid Quantity Surveyor job and set up as a sole trader - which obviously meant plowing his earnings into his business so his tax returns showed little income. Is it still that easy for There We Are Thens to do things like this?

Depends on when you joined the team thread 😉

Ah okay, £60 is much less than I was expecting! I was quoted £780 from my solicitor for him to do it.

I honestly thought he’d refuse to do it purely to exert that bit of control still, however I’m really glad he’s just filled in his parts and the ball is rolling now.

£60 is just the court fee for lodging it at Court, the consent order needs to be drawn up by a solicitor (like a will is drawn up by a solicitor).

The divorce and the financial order attract separate fees - not everyone who has a divorce also has a financial order

@mummy917

If we do the financial consent order through the gov uk divorce process, is that included in the £612 I’ve paid or will I need to pay for that separately down the line? I don’t mind either way, the price of protecting myself and the kids financially is priceless.

I'm sure you've already thought of this, but before you submit anything 'final', it will be a good idea to have it reviewed by a solicitor. My separation was handled completely by a lawyer (due to complexities in my US state law) but as the process progressed and more papers were filed I was astonished at the obvious and not-so-obvious things I hadn't realized were a certain way or that I hadn't thought about at all. I really would have screwed myself if I'd done it 'in pro per', not to mention the times my own 'legal work' would have most likely been rejected due to errors or omissions.

Of all the things your stbx is, I think that stupid isn't one of them when it comes to looking out for his own interests. You want to be sure he isn't trying to pull any fast ones and that he's been 100% accurate in his documentations. And it wouldn't surprise me one bit if he either hasn't or won't soon get legal advice of his own. Especially if he knows anyone in the legal profession. I know of one man who got extensive legal advice from a friend but all the paperwork was done 'in pro per' so it appeared he was acting on his own. His wife ended up having to get an attorney to 'counter' what he was supposedly coming up with on his own. Her attorney told her "I know he's got a lawyer helping him" but they were never able to prove it. If they had, he would have had to pay her legal fees.

PS It can be surprisingly easy to hide money. From 'stashing cash' in a safe to complex payments and transfers and then re-transfers to other people for them to hold until all the legalities are over. And you'd be very surprised at the 3rd parties willing to collude in that.

Vengeance is a best served cold. There will be something he wants sooner or later (a favour if not a material object) that will not hurt your children for you to reply, 'Yes, you can have that when you've repaid me for the mattresses'. Just hug that to yourself and wait!

I would definitely advise using a solicitor, but make sure you use one that has a good reputation for fighting their client’s corner. Not all solicitors are good at this.

During my divorce, my solicitor uncovered a lot of savings previously undisclosed by my ExH. He also secured a very fair settlement, including a pension sharing order on his generous final salary pension that I am enjoying spending in my retirement.