Do you check your husband/partner’s phone?

[Marissa270]

Does anyone check their husband/partner’s phone? Is this considered normal and for the ones that do are your husbands ok with it? Thanks!

I never “checked” my (now ex) husbands phone, I never felt the need to, but we used to answer each others phones if they rang. Regardless of having open access to each others phones, he still cheated. Checking phones isn’t the answer.

I love you 😂

@Marissa270 your friends are nuts.

They are insecure. They will end up sad and lonely.

I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t trust me.

What do you mean by check? I have a phone and he does but if mine runs out I use his and I’ve been in pretty much every app I think. If I’ve got no battery I’ll even use his to text my kids and say “it’s mum”. So not actively searching it but I’ve seen all of his (boring) messages at one time or another.
As someone in a 35 plus year relationship I would find it very weird if we didn’t have a completely open phone policy. I mean, why wouldn’t you want that? I don’t mean it rudely but I have no secrets from him and hopefully he doesn’t have them either so what does it matter. It doesn’t stop me telling my friends “husband is irritating the crap out of me tonight” and if he reads it well, hopefully he’d be less irritating. Im really open to understanding because Im obviously an outlier and don’t really understand the kind of privacy people want from their spouse.
I just know that as I got older the people who didn’t run their relationships like this ended up divorced amongst my friends so it’s very intriguing the way different marriages work.

No. Wouldn’t dream of it, I don’t check on anything he’s doing on or offline.

I totally agree with this. Everyone on mumsnet talks about how they trust their partner so would never do that but isn’t it the case that something like 50% of men cheat?
I have seen too many things in my friends relationships and my own to imagine that you should just blindly trust everyone. Husbands that I thought were the whitest of white have turned out to have done the most terrible things behind my friends backs. So I will trust someone until they give me reason not to but guardedly, and I would absolutely launch a search of their devices if I suspected they were cheating.

No, never, but I know the PIN and DH would hand the phone over immediately if I asked. Same for me.

No, genuinely never felt the need to.

We use each others phone sometimes, it’s not like we’re secretive with them. He takes better pictures than me so usually on the way home from a holiday or day out I’ll make him hand his phone over so I can send myself the best ones. Or if one of us is driving the other might answer the phone/ check the message for the address or whatever.

But the idea of ‘checking’ to make sure he’s not doing anything he shouldn’t be/ messaging anyone he shouldn’t be - no. I too had a bad relationship in teens/ twenties where it happened (I found things more often than I want to admit honestly) but it didn’t make me wise up any faster and it didn’t stop me getting my heart utterly broken. I can’t explain how or why but I just feel absolutely no need to do so with DH, I trust him completely despite not thinking I’d ever be able to trust anyone again. Maybe I’m naive and if I’m wrong I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it but I don’t think routinely checking each other’s phone is any way to live honestly, I’d rather be single.

No. I never check my partner's phone.

I used to check my ex's phone, because he was a wanker and I didn't trust him.

If you're checking your partner's phone, the trust is gone so you might as well break up.

I would never check his phone or mail. If I know DH has ordered something on Amazon for DCs I still ask if he minds opening it….

"So I will trust someone until they give me reason not to but guardedly, and I would absolutely launch a search of their devices if I suspected they were cheating."

Me too. Being cheated on puts you (and your dependent children) in huge emotional, mental, and financial danger. How many threads have we read here where an apparently loving and doting H and father becomes a vicious POS to his stunned wife - and it turns out he's been fucking someone else. And some of those blokes also go on to dump their kids.

The spouse is also at risk of physical danger from STIs that could really affect not just her immediate health but also long term health.

Cheating is a very serious threat to the betrayed spouse, especially for women, because women still labour under a heavy burden of motherhood tax and tend to be not as well placed financially as men.

Let's be real: no one - NO ONE - is going to leave their marriage on the flimsy suspicion of their spouse cheating. There is just far too much at stake. That's why most betrayed spouses who suspect cheating spend inordinate amounts of time, energy, and mental health battling through the fog of the cheater's endless lies and then trickle truth trying to find out what's really going on/happened.

If I started seeing signs of The Script in my H, and it kept happening, I would 100% check his phone. Because if he is cheating, he's become my enemy, and I have to act to rescue myself and my children.

Christ no.

No because ive never felt the need. We know each other's passwords and we share an email account. Both of our phones are always left lying around, no secrecy over them at all.
If you feel the need to check there are obviously other trust issues going on.

I actually mentioned to them that it’s entirely possible that if their husbands were to cheat they’d probably be smart enough to have a second secret phone and even additional Instagram accounts. I doubt a man who’s cheating will just leave his phone lying around for his wife to potentially see something on. Also their husbands know they’re wives are the jealous types so they would probably be extra careful covering their tracks if they ever thought to cheat

Sometimes he leaves it lying around when he’s popped over to help our attractive young neighbour who needed someone to try out the techniques she’s been learning on her sports massage course. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t resist having a good old snoop. Not found anything suspicious yet though.

No we don’t. My husband used to occasionally look at mine because he doesn’t have Facebook and was nosy! But he was never snooping on it, and it was always while in the same room as me and with my permission, and he hasn’t done that in years since Facebook got crap.
I don’t think it’s normal to check a partners phone, no.

No. He doesn't check mine either. I have zero reason to check my husband's phone.

I was once on the receiving end of a wife who’d clearly had gone thru her husbands phone - and told me “to stop texting her husband and go back to work”. I mean, he was a colleague and we just chatted work. Clearly trust issues on her end. Don’t be like her, it’s embarrassing.

No and I'd only check kids with permission/request for help. Why/how would one know their code/have access by other means?

NB I also don't WhatsApp, text or email DH unless it's important.

Of course not. I can't imagine any universe in which I would do this.

No. I don’t check his phone, computer, mail, phone location, calendar - nothing, and I wouldn’t tolerate it thr other way around.

Honestly, if your partner is going to get up to something, checking their phone isn’t going to stop them.

Neither if us have social media thank God

No not at all. Gross invasion of privacy. You either trust your partner or you don't...and if you don't they aren't the one for you.

No. But I would if he did something untrustworthy. He only has my trust until then.

I think social media is teaching alot of women that cheating is the norm so it’s contributing to a lot of insecurity. I have to say I am seeing a lot of couples split over cheating I think it’s just easier to catch people out these days but it’s still no excuse for checking private message