Im sad for my son

[Katie660]

Im feeling hurt for my son and I don't know what to do....

Last night, my two-year-old accidentally hit our TV with a toy pool cue while he was playing. The impact broke the screen beyond repair. The cue was part of a Christmas gift that included a children's pool table.

The following morning, my partner was still angry about the broken TV and deliberately smashed our child's pool table. Our son did not witness this and has no idea that his toy has been destroyed.

When I spoke to my partner about what he had done, he said he wasn't sorry and didn't care that he had broken his own child's toy. I asked him what his friends would think of his actions, and he replied that he had already told them, and they all laughed.

How do I handle this, he will not sit down and talk about it and is only caring about his broken TV.

What stands out for me is that he smashed up the toy the next day.

He didn’t loose his temper straight away.
He cogitated in it, slept on it then got up and deliberately, systematically, smashed up the toy your boy loves.

This is so cold & calculating so premeditated and desirous to hurt & upset your child that it sends shivers down my spine.
He has shown you who he is-thank god it was a toy-not you or your child.
Run.
Remove yourself & your child and never go back.
This is your Sliding Door moment IMHO.

Im afraid there is no going back from this. This person has shown you who they are. A nasty, vile, bully. Believe them.

No amount of apologising would get me back in that house. I would never take any chances. Take your child and leave.

Leave!

Can you ask your parents to come and collect you? I am concerned how he might react if he knows you are leaving.

Run. He'll only get worse. Next its your son or any pets you have, or even you.

I'm sorry this happened. Your partner is showing a huge amount of "cracks" , "red flags'. His reaction is violent and absolutely out of normality.

The worst thing is he 'slept and woke up the next day still angry and did what he did.

It's good you are going to your parents tomorrow. Take care of yourself and your child. Look at programmes as suggested by PP who can help you but you need to consider the "cracks" and be honest with yourself.

I want to point out that as, hard as it is to hear, the fact your son is only 2 may have saved a harsher punishment. With this sort of lack of control and anger, having slept on it and after the event,.it's not a normal reaction at all. Imagine if he was trying to deal with a mistake or accident with your son when is 8/9/14 year old .

These things can then escalate and before you know it is isn't just the toy being hurt.

Edited.. to make it clear that I am talking about her future aged son. Not other children.

I doubt he told his friends, because I don't believe they would all think it was funny that a grown man had a tantrum smashing up a toddlers toy the day after the child accidentally broke something.

If they actually did, he either didn't tell them the real story or they are a bunch of thugs.

If he'd done it in the heat of the moment the day before, I'd wonder if he overreacted under some extreme stress.
It wouldn't make it okay even then, but people can do stupid things sometimes.

Deciding to do it the next day is calculated and deeply wrong.

I don't think you should make long term plans or have any more children with this man.

I'd be saving to leave if you don't already have the funds, because these guys are never just violent once.

Yeah, I agree with others this is abuse. Losing his temper and breaking a kids stuff is unacceptable in the first place, but to not be able to apologise or recognise that he was wrong (and to laugh about it with friends even) shows a serious problem.

If you do go to your parents today, he’ll probably backtrack and say sorry, to get you to comeback. But it’s not a real sorry if he had to say it under duress and I’d not trust him again without him showing that he’s done some serious work on himself over a long period of time.

Disgusting .

don’t believe what he says about his friends that’s just his attempt to gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting. My exh told me that all his friends thought drinking in the morning was normal

From the OP: Last night, my two-year-old accidentally hit our TV with a toy pool cue while he was playing.

What an example! My child has broke countless things of his dad's if he behaved like this i would be disgusted. Luckily he knows his child is more valuable than material objects.

I’m not one of those people who jumps on to LTB immediately on here but I have to say in this case I’d be seriously thinking of it. This isn’t normal behaviour. It’s vindictive and nasty and cruel. If your child is only 2 and he did this in retaliation to an accident imagine the sort of things he will do when he is older and able to understand and be affected . I don’t believe his friends laughed at that unless they are a group of sociopaths.

@Katie660who was the gift from, yourselves or someone else? If neither of you mentions the toy, will your son look for it? Is he planning on telling your son what he did/ assuming you will deal with it?

OP going to your parents house is a good idea.

you said you’ve not been living together for long, has he moved into your house or where you are your parents before? Talk it through with your parents, don’t be tempted to cover it up, look through your options. You need to leave but if you can stay with your parents for a few days while you think through the logistics that will help. You can’t trust this man’s judgement so you can’t raise a child with him.

Your kid has been playing pool since he was 1????

This "failure to protect" approach is very historical attitude. It's now understood that women are also victims, not colluding with the perpetrator

OP, he's shown you what kind of man he is. And it won't get better

"Just leave" isn't as easy as it sounds. But i suggest you (1) contact Women's Aid for support and (2) read Lundy Bancroft

temper mainly at you and not your son? but by abusing you he is also abusing your son. Don't go to your parents for a while - go and never return. And please speak to Women's Aid.

Deliberately breaking his toy the next day shows a level of calculated vindictiveness i struggle to get my head around, tbh.
This isn't the kind of behaviour your son should be exposed to OP, not just because of the distress it could cause him, but because he could grow up thinking it's an OK way to react - rightly or wrongly, children model their parent's behaviour. Don't let your son see this kind of spite as in any way normal.

Oh Viv, only you could focus on the culpability of the 2 year old and not the fact the 2 year old is being abused. Incredible.

Your 2 year old has been playing pool for over a year? Aye, right.

But the bloke's a dick. Are you feeling sorry for your child that his toy was broken or that he has someone like that as a father?

Op you sound shocked and I think you need to take time to think about this. Your ds did not see his df reaction this time but I think you know that in the future he will. I was also sad that I hadn’t chosen my dc the decent father that I thought I had. He kept his temper well hidden but took it out on dc at times. I left and I should have done it quicker. Your partners behaviour is not normal and it’s hard to accept when that starts occurring within a relationship. You can make changes to protect your son.

If he had done it at the time, it was totally out of character and he was horrified afterwards maybe you could move on from it. But waiting until the next day and defending what he has done - you cant stay with him and need to keep your child away from him as much as you can. If he now expresses remorse, he wants his sex life back, it wont really be a change of heart.

This man has shown you who he is, believe him.

Not fit for parenting. Your and your child’s life will be miserable if you stay.

This has made me so furious for your son. I’d be buying him a new pool table today and telling my partner to leave and not come back. I’m sorry but this sort of thing isn’t a one off, how is he going to react to other things that your little boy might (will) do, accidentally or otherwise as he gets older and the ramifications are worse? I wouldn’t be waiting to find out. My little boy is two as well, a perfectly happy and kind little boy but he still has accidents, breaks things, spills things etc and no way in hell would I allow someone to treat him like this, much less his own father. The fact that all his friends laughed as well (if this is true), is appalling