Could partner be more supportive about travel fiasco?

[Oxycarpus]

I'm in a LDR with a man whose take home pay is 5x mine. I've just organised a holiday where we travelled solely by train from home then Eurostar to Amsterdam then Paris. I feel like I went above and beyond booking every leg of the journey plus hotels. Unfortunately, my train from home was badly delayed and I missed the Eurostar. His was fine and he got the Eurostar. In short, I've had to fork out a small fortune getting there by alternative means. He's offered a back rub to make me feel better but it would be nice if he chipped in to help me. AIBU?

Possibly. She'd need to prove she left plenty of time for travel. And that the train was as delayed as she said (maybe she was behind that big crash yesterday?).

But also, depends on the excess if it's worth it.

You’re not his child. What a strange comparison.

You tried hard to impress him. You struggled to get there, He didn't help with suggestions or help financially. There seems to be a lack of encoragement.
I would't even bother going. I would struggle knowing that someone thought so low of me, that they wouldn't help when I'd spent so much money.

Not married, not living together, not sharing finances.

Why would he subsidise you?

It might have been nice but he was in no way obliged to offer you money. Travel insurance exists for a reason it does seem grabby and entitled to think you deserve and offer of free money. You are not his child. He will pick up on this attitude and be less likely to want to pay for you.

Did you buy a connecting train to ‘London International CIV’? That would’ve covered your onward journey. See here:https://www.seat61.com/european-travel-from-uk-regions.htm. Not your rich boyfriends problem IMO.

If your alternative means to get there ate into your holiday time and you were only there a short time, I do think it would have been nice to have offered to help for a quicker option ie a short flight over multiple cheaper trains /coach. I’d have offered in his position.
Also if it was going to leave you short in the short term I’d have asked if you needed help.
Does he know your finances or do you “cover” them to keep up.
Does he pay more at any other times, is he generally thoughtful to think about this or is he sat there with a pint oblivious? Then I’d be rethinking the relationship

edited to ask how long you’ve been together as this would also affect my opinion

He paid half which is fair. Not his fault you missed the train. You’ll get delayed repay, and this is why you have insurance.

Not sure why you’re mad at him tbh. Or is it jealously over his earrings and a desire for him to pay? If you want him to pay, ask but in this instance, he owes nothing.

This is really strange. One of the big benefits of Eurostar is that they let you switch your tickets up to 1 hour from departure. They advise you to get to St. Pancras 90 minutes before departure, so if you’re getting toward the 1 hour limit and you’re not yet at the station you can just log into your account and switch to a later train for free. I don’t understand why this cost you any extra money at all.

I don’t see why he should pay because for whatever reason you chose not to use the free option to switch your ticket. You could even have switched both of you and still travelled together on a later train for no extra cost.

Too late for you now, but LNER (and maybe other train lines?) sell a Eurostar connect ticket. If you miss your Eurostar due to a late train, they pay for you to take the next one. You have to buy it at a ticket counter, not online, and show your Eurostar ticket.

You're the one that's fucked up somewhere by spending 250 quid on something that shouldn't cost that much.

No I wouldn't expect money.

Why not?

While 50/50 is fair on the surface, being "to the penny" about it is weird and tight.

Sure if it's early days in a relationship then broadly 50/50, but if you're earning a lot more than your partner and it's serious between you, then why wouldn't you take a bit more of the financial strain? Makes for a better holiday to not have to limit yourself to the cheapest possible options and for your partner not to be stressed about money.

Well it would depend on outgoings too? If op is in a house share with bills included and the BF owns a property and has mortgage, bills and all the other costs included, he may not be rolling in it

They don’t share finances so 50/50 is fair. If he wanted to offer to pay more then he can but he’s in his rights to not have to pay more. Has Op taken into account his outgoings? Maybe they are more than hers because he has more money so can have bigger things which cost more. If I was to go on holiday with someone that I didn’t share finances I would 100% expect to pay 50/50 on everything regardless of how much they earn. If someone said to me I’m only going to pay 20% of the trip because you earn more than me I’d be majorly repulsed by them

Can’t you claim on your travel insurance?

‘Eurostar will generally let you on the next available train without any extra charge. Under the Agreement on Journey Continuation (AJC) and general passenger rights, if you miss your departure due to a prior delayed train (even if they were separate bookings), they will accommodate you)’

why didn’t Eurostar let you get the next train?

If someone said to me I’m only going to pay 20% of the trip because you earn more than me

That's a bit of an extreme 😂 I'm not advocating for demands, hard rules or percentages.

Broadly, yes, sharing expenses 50/50. Nitpicking "to the penny" is tight, tho.

By choice, the wealthier person treating the other person a bit is fine.

Like if my bf wants to go to a more expensive hotel than I can comfortably afford, he pays more of it. Or like last time, he paid hotels, I paid activities, he bought dinner, I bought lunch. It's not 50/50 but feels fair between us. We've been together a long time tho. If he was hit by an unexpected expense, I'd sub him temporarily as he would for me.

I can't stand "to the penny" type people.

You want him to chip in because you missed your train? Why wouldn't you juat get the next one? honestly wouldn't ever occur to offer money to anyone in this situation. Youre being unreasonable

That's what travel insurance is for It wouldn't occur to me to compensate you for your missed train. The train company will compensate you for the delayed train anyway

You might not be advocating for percentages or making demands but the poster I asked they question of why to seems like they would be that way.
Me and my husband don’t share finances in terms of one account, he earns more than me but we both just pay for whatever comes up. He might pay for lunch I pay for dinner

Perhaps he is wary of the motives of a women picking a partner who earns 5x her salary. I certainly would be.

Hmm. It’s less ‘LDR’ and more ‘LDA’ (long distance acquaintance).

Where’s the ‘relationship’ part? What do you get out of it? Time to move on?

Op if this situation happened between you and your higher paid female friend, would you expect some form of reimbursement or compensation from her as a friend? If not then why from your db?

It’s not her brother, it’s her partner/boyfriend. Not equivalent to ‘friend’ at all.