ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

The head tingling caused by ASMR is not a sexual feeling! For pity sake, at least learn what it actually is before you go off at the deep end at him! Poor guy! It's not sexual, it's not erotic, and it's certainly not cheating! I listen to ASMR every night to relax me and send me off to sleep, sometimes it's someone talking and do you know what? I've no idea what they're talking about! Because it's not the topic, it's the sound of the voice, the (usually) fairly inaudible voice. ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It's a feeling (usually a tingling feeling) experienced either across the scalp and occasionally on the back of the neck. It's not sexual and you have no reason, (for this controlling behaviour and paranoia), to think twice about it! Even if he were sitting watching porn all night, your reaction would be slightly OTT, but for ASMR? It's ridiculous!

The video grated on me and I found it incredibly annoying, but I wouldn't equate it to porn or anything even close to that ballpark.

If you can't accept that a night shift worker finds whispered messages about being close and staying there until he falls asleep soothing - fair enough, break it off. You don't have to stay in any relationship you don't want.

Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong. Nothing.

If you can't accept how he lives his life, dump the poor sod and move on. You don't owe anyone a relationship. You also don't get to dictate what they find relaxing.

🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I listen to asmr often when I can’t sleep and I instantly thought you were a bit ott op but when I listened to the video you posted I can see what you mean op.

I’ve never come across that type of video before and it does seem very sexual.

when I’m looking on YouTube for asmr I usually type in “asmr soft voices” and I usually get a list of all sorts of asmr topics popping up.

my most recent I like listening to is paper being torn or crinkled. It really does send me to sleep.

I can’t imagine what your partner is typing in if he gets to see the type of video you put up.

is he actually watching that stuff or did you specifically put this one up to prove your point?

i forgot to say that when I’m listening to it I usually have my eyes closed ready to drift off to sleep. Your bf is most probably doing the same.

I think this is weird as fuck. I get that listening to a nice voice whispering can help someone fall asleep but the woman in this video is acting very sexual and I wouldn't be happy with it either if it were my fella tbh

It can be sexual. There’s a whore genre of porn for it. I think you’re having these responses from women who only see the relaxation side of it.

It's the particular time of certain sounds, often womens voices do it better

I was shocked when my DH said he didn't experience ASMR, I thought everyone did. I suppose if you don't experience it, it is hard to understand but it is not sexual. I am ND so I see ASMR as some compensation for all the times sounds have caused me physical pain, I'm glad my husband doesn't think the way you do about it.

The woman isn’t talking TO your h; she is just talking. Anyone could download her recordings. I don’t think your h is listening to it in a sexual manner; sounds like it’s to relax.

But in a healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss your feelings with your partner, and it doesn’t sound like you can do that. What’s the rest of your relationship like?

I experience ASMR, I have done for as long as I remember. It was only about 2 years ago that I realised it was a thing with a name because I thought it was just me being weird.

The best way I can think of describing if it like a sort of non sexual orgasm that starts in the skin on thd backbof my head between my ears. It's very relaxing and a lovely feeling and completely involuntary. It makes me a bit spaced out.

I've looked at your boyfriends ASMR content and my god that woman is very annoying. It does nothing for me, but presumably your boyfriend likes it.

@Sunnyday410 it’s definitely an intimate ASMR but why would you want to make your partner/boyfriend listen to you and make him dependent on you to get to sleep? That’s a burden you could quickly tire of. And when he’s pestering you to whisper to him but you just want to go to sleep what would you do then?

But I do think you need to find a way to deal with this. Understand that he’s very unlikely to ever meet this woman. Does he watch her or just listen to her? If the latter then it’s very much about soothing him not him getting off to her.

I mostly find ASMR like chalk on a blackboard or some other equally irritating noise and the video you posted I find particularly unpleasant and creepy.

Whether it’s sexual depends on the content. But even if it is, it’s just like using porn or masturbating: people do that, even in relationships. It’s no big deal.

Nothing sexual about ASMR.

This is your issue, clearly have issues. I would recommend therapy to address them.

The biggest breakdown to relationships is paranoia and insecurity often driven by distrust and past betrayal.

Or by being fed an incorrect narrative about things like ASMR, often from a fake news or people with a agenda that been fed to you in the past.

I had to google this, with great trepidation, given the tone of your post.
What on earth are you worried about? It seems entirely fine to me.

@Eschra and @Oldwmn ASMR is fine but the particular YouTube clip that the OP has posted and was being watched by her partner is sexual and disturbing.
It's not representative of most ASMR.stuf.

Having viewed the video and some of the others on offer I think some of the criticism you’re getting is a bit harsh. One of the other videos on offer appears to be a schoolgirl sitting on a bed FFS. This is not normal relaxation stuff. YANBU.

i dont understand the question OP???

Asmr is huge. It’s pretty mainstream

its not porn

you are being unreasonable

Don’t be silly

This is satire right?

I have it without voice, just sounds.

To the OP: I have not read the thread, but I watched the link that you sent.

Urghhh! It was horrible...honestly, I would find porn more acceptable. So initimate and creepy. It has properly triggered an major skin-crawling ick in me.

Dealer breaker? I don't know...but it would certainly start the ick for me.

This video in particular would make me uncomfortable too, not sure in which way and how it is soothing for your partner but maybe you should ask an open question about it. Be curious and not accusative.
I agree with other posters it is a very weird asmr video.