ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

So many clearly not watched the video.

I tried, but ASMR sets off an anxiety reaction in me. I find it horrific. And the one OP posted is very clearly meant to be sexual. It is so creepy.

If a partner of mine was listening to that type of ASMR I would get the ick.

It's asmr not bdsm, did you get your letters mixed up?

The video you linked is weird! I showed DH and he agrees that one is sexual - we have never watch ASMR so wouldn't know what the rest is like.. You aren't being unreasonable IMHO.

I can't say I've ever considered it to be sexual in any way. I don't listen to ASMR myself, but I've heard examples of it. I think it might be similar to hushing/lulling a baby to sleep.

I bet he has also listened to Stephen Fry and James Earl Jones as part of his routine, if that helps.

Oh my love, haven’t some been cruel!
I think I would feel bothered hearing I am touching you etc, but I don’t think he’s using this for sexual pleasure I think it just helps him fall asleep. Maybe he didn’t mean to hide it? I listen to a sleep story when my husband is on nights, I don’t need it when he’s there because his presence helps me sleep. Maybe it’s the same for you two?

I think maybe a conversation should be had, but not about how you’re upset about ASMR but maybe some boundaries discussions, maybe tell him you’re feeling unheard, need more support etc.

this is by no means a reflection on you, like others have said it’s about a part of his brain not about the person he’s listening to giving him something you can’t. Could you try and find one you both enjoy and have it on before bed? Or I use the calm app for sleep stories maybe you could both have a look through and find something that works instead of this woman’s voice?

OP I just want to give you a great big hug and tell you that you’re important, your feelings are valid and you need more support.

lots of love being sent to you, I’m sure he loves you very much and this can easily be sorted with some extra TLC from him to you x

Fucking hate ASMR, it’s weird and creepy. But my sister listens to it to sleep sometimes and it’s absolutely not weird OR sexual. It’s relaxing for her. Please calm down for gods sake.

You can leave him for any reason you want to

Have you thought about recording your voice saying those things? (Ive not listened to it, not interested, but you said not sexual)

You don't have to keep quiet, just whisper your feelings next to his ear.

Dear god, he should run

You are allowed to feel however you like. Doesn’t make it rational. It’s obviously not a nerve which you should explore

🤣🤣🤣

I need the laugh react 😂

I have no idea what it is.. I need to Google it now 😆

Asmr is so relaxing and that's the intended purpose. It's actually so beneficial for those of us who find it difficult to check out, like sleep hypnosis.

Your being ridiculous. Im a straight female and listen to female asmr content, probably the same content creator as you husband in fact.

Girl..get a grip. He is not the one with a problem here you are! Your clearly a very possessive person. He is doing absolutely nothing wrong here its ASMR not an affair or cheating. You need to address your own issues with this. The poor guy.

No you're being fucking ridiculous to be perfectly frank with you !! If I was hm id be off like a shot you have some serious issues .

You would be doing him a favour !

ASMR - if you really do experience it - is not sexual at all!
I experience it now and again - from certain triggers. It’s just a feeling of total relaxation giving tingles - but it is not a perversion or sexual feeling.
I get mine from obscure things and when I’ve spoken about them aloud, people think it’s weird. One of my is transparent objects. It’s hard to describe, certain ones I just like the look of. I don’t want to do anything weird with them. They just are nice to look at.
See saying it aloud seems weird so it’s hard to grasp if you don’t experience true ASMR sensations. But many enjoy the relaxation of it despite not actually getting the real thing. I watch loads of asmr videos for relaxation but they don’t actually set off my tingles - they’re just relaxing, that’s it.

sounds like you’ve got a grounded partner - honestly, when you get to my age, you realise that some people (ahem, men) have very very weird perversions and so if this is genuinely a sexual tick for you partner, it’s very low on the scale of perversion.

Honestly you sound increadibly insecure, poor bloke must have to walk on eggshells constantly.

I'm male and tried listening to female asmr to sleep. Fuck me it's creepy and horrible and it's like blackboard nails time 10

Op you are a bit odd really it's not sexual...it's fucked up

I watched a bit of the video. I do think she has a soothing voice and it would probably relax me. However, it's a bit uncomfortable for me to watch too. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm used to ASMR as disembodied sounds, not involving visuals as well. I do wonder if there is room for compromise here. Can he find a different ASMR that is just as soothing but with different words?

I have some ASMR sounds in my app but it's things like shushing, crinkling, heartbeats, clocks. I prefer nature sounds but I guess they must be right for other people.

But she’s not talking to him?? He’s listening to a recording that wasn’t intended for him and him alone

Never in my life have I heard ASMR be described as sexual. Its a relaxation technique not porn.

I dread to think how you'd feel if he went for a massage??

sorry if someone’s already written this, cba to scroll 16 pages, but i used to find it so, so hard to fall asleep after a nightshift in the summer. I used to listen to gregorian chanting to help me relax and nod off because i found the rhythm of it being spoken aloud very peaceful and soothing. I didn’t fancy the monks. Isn’t it likely he is doing similar?