ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

@Jane143

would you really?

That was creepy AF. If my dh listened to that I'd laugh my head off. It's absolutely nothing to be worried about

You are MaiMai and I claim my £5

You sound extremely hurt OP & to an extent it's understandable. I admit to not knowing much about this form of relaxation but my understanding is this is exactly what it is. There is a huge difference between fantasy & reality. Who knows what goes on in our partners heads when having sex & making love. We would hope they never have ocassional fantasies about other women but I'd be surprised if this never happened. It's human nature.

I was just thinking actually, it all reminds me of my first girlfriend when I was a teenager. She was very intense, clingy and insecure, and needed constant reassurance.

The relationship lasted four months. It did my head in.

Well I'd never heard of it, but now that I have, and it's 01.24 and there's little sign of sleep, so I thought I might give it a try. And then I saw your video OP, and actually I find it really really unnerving and very very spooky.

In a word, yes. But, perhaps you should as it sounds like yo can not get over this and you will only make both of you unhappy.

Was not expecting the video to be so creepy and suggestive. I can see what you mean OP.

That made me feel so uncomfortable i couldn't watch much of it.

I get why you don't like your partner needing this, i wouldn't either. Maybe your partner needs to find himself 1 of the cool wives on this post, while you find yourself 1 of the majority of men that won't be watching this.

Either way, if that is what he is into and it is so readily available, you can't stop or change him. It would gross me out in a partner but he is doing something others on this thread would see as harmless. You got to decide if you can put up with this or not as I don't think you can reasonably ask him to stop and for him to actually do so. He's probably not the man for you, I would feel the same and would walk away so no judgement

Op, I'm so sorry you're so upset by this. Clearly you have a history that makes this triggering for you. The one thing I'd say is that this is not a sexual thing for your dp. He finds the soothing tones of a female voice, relaxing. We were all babies once and this is what calmed us into sleep. It's hardwired into all of us to find the dulcet tones of a female voice calming. If he needs this to fall asleep he is probably an anxious character too.
I fear you might be placing too much importance on it and in danger of leaving a relationship based on something that is in no way a betrayal to you.

"I am looking for some prospective please."

:-) :-) :-)

Sure you don't mean prosecco?

This one is nice:

I think you’ve received assurance from posters that his use of ASMR is not something to worry about. He’s not cheating, he’s just trying to go to sleep. Did he really “hide” that he was doing this, or simply not tell you? He may have seen no reason to tell you, as it’s not a big deal to him. You do sound very upset. You’re entitled to feel what you feel, but thinking of leaving him seems like a big overreaction. Trying to get sympathy from Mumsnetters is always taking a gamble. You might get it, you might get scolded, you might be dismissed.

i didnt want to click it but what is the omg parts about it ?

She's simulating being intimate, hands suggesting stroking the viewer, leaning in and whispering, suddenly OPs comments about head tingles take on a different meaning. I didn't watch the whole thing but it's definitely sexual.

jesus, with that context i can understand. thank you

Yes I have seen a few of women in very skimpy outfits some of them making slurping noises simulating different things and using some kind of strange thing that sounds like other well sexual things

That is very different from one's just doing the tapping of the nails on things and crinkling paper

I'm sure you know by what you saw which category of person

WTF?

I assumed you to be 18/19 years old.

Christ alive. For your own sanity please end the relationship and work on your insecurities before getting into another relationship.

I’ve had ASMR since I was about 3, I’m now nearly 60, there wasn’t even a name for it til fairly recently.

It’s amazing, and absolutely nothing sexual about it at all. I listen to both male and female ASMR artists, it just depends what my trigger is at the time.

Of course it doesn’t. Not all articulate people rely on AI.

You are your own worst enemy.. I don’t know if you are supposed to be in a relationship right now. You torture yourself about this? Even if he does ‘fantasise’ it doesn’t mean that he would pursue this woman in real life. People’s fantasies are just that, and we are allowed to have them.

I just listened to it. It’s horrible. I totally understand why you feel sad OP, I would be too. It’s definitely sexual

So you didn’t come here for feedback or perspective. You came for people to agree with you. Right. The only people with common sense are the very few that agree with you. Right. Everyone who has different point of view is mean. Right. SMH

@Sunnyday410 to think of it.. it seems like the relationship is just not working for you anymore.. perhaps you just want out and your mind is looking for reasons to break it off. In which case, listen to your gut. Is he your child’s dad?

I’ll be honest , OP I thought you were a bit batshit …. Until I watched the video .. I didn’t care for it much , it’s definitely sexual , she’s simulating being sexual and If my husband was listening to that I’d be far from impressed .it gave me the bloody creeps