ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

This is not that... It's very much meant to be like a woman being in bed with you.

It doesn't have the visual content of porn but it reminds me more of VR content in terms of trying to make it feel real for the viewer. It's not just relaxing sounds.

Lots of people don't seem to have watched before commenting and some are being unnecessarily horrible and judgemental.

100% you can tell a lot of the commenters haven’t watched it.

This is exactly what I think

I watched about as much I could stand of it, and I agree that it's hardly as innocuous as some on here seem to making out. Mind, if I were to try pouting, sighing, hissing and pawing at DH with "Do you want me to stay with you toni-i-ight? Would you like tha-a-at? Do you want me to keep you company-y-y? etc. etc. etc." like Creepy Pouty Glossy Lipped Woman in that video does, he'd think I'd lost the plot and arrange to have me sectioned. 🤣

You are over reacting and that’s putting it mildly.

You need to talk to a professional about why you're feeling this way. It's not healthy.

I’m not really understanding what you’re so upset about. It’s not like he was listening to porn or anything.

You can be upset about anything you like but doesn't mean that it's a normal reaction. Absolutely not
To be honest, given your later updates, it sounds like you're barely in a relationship with him Anyway. maybe find someone whose life style is more compatible with your own

I think this is very controlling, you're setting yourself up for issues around secrecy here. If a woman had come on and said "my husband is jealous and told me I can't listen to audio books ready by men, so I kept it secret from him and listen when he isn't around, but now he has found out and us telling me how he is spiralling" we would all say RUN and actually suggest this is coercive and controlling behaviour.

You need some therapy to work out where this jealousy starts from. Poor man listening to some you tube relaxation videos, which clearly help him sleep, and he isn't "allowed" to. The fact you can't see that you're in the wrong and that this is a dangerous path to go on, is worrying. You can't control what your boyfriend does, that's not your role.

HIBU because that's a shit ASMR video. Maria @ gentle whispering is the best

I have been watching ASMR for around 15 years, before it was even called ASMR. If any of my boyfriends in that period of time had an issue with it like you have I’d have thought they were being really weird and insecure and that would have been a red flag. Fortunately I haven’t encountered that. In my opinion, you’re wildly overreacting.

Because you work days and he works nights?! I had to look up what it was and it freaks me out a bit and I think would give me nightmares! I dont know if what you posted is usual asmr or whatever its called but it seems to me to be a bit like auditory porn and lots of men watch porn so yes I think you are a bit unreasonable to think of leaving him for it. Does he listen to it when you are in bed with him?

Of course you can help how you feel, you are generating those feelings. Feelings arent facts thankfully. Men and women get turned on by all sorts of things - is he telling you he is? If it was a man would that be better?

I’m sorry OP, but this is batshit and unless you are prepared to go into therapy to work on your insecurities, your boyfriend needs to run for the hills.

You are totally over reacting. I love some ASMR and not others so you probably couldn't do it for him.

Ffs you are joking right?!?! Don’t be so ridiculous

No ahahhaah. It's not like he's out dogging 😆 - so bizarre you made this sexual. He doesn't even know her, you need to speak to someone about your excessive jealousy and dependency. It's not healthy. What if you caught him watching porn??

These women don’t even know he exists! Your reaction is so odd. Also, I use these videos to help me sleep, I’ve never once heard them talk about cuddling!!

Maybe have a look into your attachment style and you could do some work on building a healthy one. It's good work to do and will make you a happier person.

I think you need your head checked. This is the most bonkers things I’ve heard all week.

Absolutely no way this is real 🤣🤣

I think you need to really get to the root cause of why that makes you jealous?
It’s a voice to help him sleep not turn him on. It isn’t an actual person he’s going to run away with! He either didn’t think to tell you as it isn’t a big deal or he knew you’d over react which you have! You said why can’t he get it from you? Well you want to call him and help him sleep whilst talking in a relaxing voice? I expect not!

Work on your issues.

Your partner works nights, as someone who has worked night shift and lived with someone who does, it's very difficult to get proper sleep during the day. My guess is he uses/listens to help relax him and fall asleep. From what you have written, you sound quite insecure in yourself.