Possible funeral drama

[ExDiedToldNotToGoToFuneral]

I need advice.

What would you do?

I was dating someone 18 months+. His ex was always in the background trying to get his attention. She had a new partner too. Something felt off in our relationship so I distanced myself. We split up mid March.

I nursed him through a couple of life changing operations.

Anyway long story short. She wedged herself in out relationship using her teenage daughter who he was extremely found of. He cheated. But I only found our yesterday. A week after he died.

She's rewriting history and erasing me. Telling everyone they were together 5 years. They were together 3 or 4 months.

I got to see him in hospital the day he died. I was allowed a few minutes.

She's told me she doesn't want me at the funeral.

Feeling a bit lost and confused.

What would you do? I want to say goodbye but not sure I can tolerate the lies and her main character syndrome. She's very controlling and dictating what she wants for his funeral.

Thank you

He lived with M throughout.

im so sorry for your loss but I really wouldn’t get involved. Leave ‘M’ to it.

Most important thing here is whether you love him or not, he was not loyal to you. He prioritized her and intimacy with her ahead of his relationship with you and certainly didn't give a heck about your feelings. He is not a good person.

I feel you are romanticizing this situation and getting in your feelings about a man who lied to your face, cheated on you and broke your heart. Even tho he is now deceased and you didn't find out he was a skunk until after his death, the fact remains that he is guilty of those behaviors.

You were not his wife nor are you the mother of his children. You owe neither him nor his mother ANYTHING. Allowing this woman K to manipulate you when you have no ties to this man is making me scratch my head. He is dead and should be dead to you as well.

If you must remember him, then put a photo up with a candle and offering of peace at some place that is meaningful to him, and you and your kids say goodbye to him there. A memorial service can be had anywhere - you don't need to be around a toxic person to do it.

Start now to separate your life from any involvement with him. He's gone. It's over. Time to move on.

There will be no photo shrine in my house for him.

Our relationship was over.

My question starting this was about attending the funeral. I've decided not to go.

As I've said previously I was moving on. His death was a shock. I grieved. I found out he cheated but there is nothing I can do about it. I don't hate him. He was a chapter of my life. I'll get the photo to his Mum and the booze to M and then that's it. Moving on.

I've had a few dates with someone new, next date tomorrow, he has been fantastic supporting me through this. No idea if we have a future but he's a lovely bloke.

I think you've made the right decision. People like K thrive on drama - the best reaction you can give people like this is no reaction whatsoever. Remember your ex in your own way.

Thank you Bridget. I will.

I don't think I will be thinking of him that much.

Plodding on

I am very sorry to hear about this @ExDiedToldNotToGoToFuneral and it’s clear you have come to terms with not attending. The only thing I would say is to let your kids make their own decision as to whether or not they attend. I hope you manage to find some peace with all this.

The crematorium celebration should be wifi available. You could pay your respects, but at a distance.

I know he’s dead but he behaved appallingly.
K? Well she’s unhinged isn’t she? Has absolutely no respect for anyone, including herself?
You have made the right decision to walk away.
My friend decided not to go to an important funeral recently. On the day itself, she took herself and her two children to our local cathedral. They lit some candles and then went for afternoon tea.
This whole situation is filled with drama. I feel a bit for M but that was an odd set up.
I feel for his mum but the embarrassment of your son leaving you with this mess.
Have the best day you can. And keep going.

I wouldn't go. Go to M's private wake
That woman K sounds like a real pain in the neck.

Thanks

As far as I am aware his Mum doesn't know he was cheating (again). He told her we grew apart. There's no need to tell her.

I'll ask if its live streamed but probably won't watch it. As I've said previously she's lying saying they were in a relationship for 5 years and erasing me. I don't need to hear that nor do my kids.

I'm happy with my decision to leave it all behind me.