Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

100 % the script. It’s uncanny. I didn’t really believe it until it happened to me

It’s not you, it’s him. Start detaching and doing your own thing, make sure your finances are ok, and do not pander to him

This does sound like The Script, but I wonder if its the mid life crisis script. It boils down to 'fuck! I'm not 26 any more!' and you're a reminder of that, which is why he's going on about your age.
Its pathetic. Its like a teenager needing to hate their parents so they can leave the nest.

www.atheniancounseling.com/blog/midlife-crisis-and-your-relationship-when-everything-shifts

I’m sorry to tell you @GotTheIckWithMe but there are so many clever ways to hide things on phones. In invisible apps, apps that are made to look like something mundane like a calculator. He could have them saved under another name. He could have two phones. They could have a pact not to message and keep it in person.

But everything this man is doing screams affair. He’s 100% checked out of this relationship and is just coasting along for now.

You wouldn't find anything unusual on my phone either - it doesn't mean a thing (other than that I'm very very careful)

Either way, we've seen enough threads about 'the ick' to know that it's rarely reversible. And as for all the posters saying you don't need to change, well maybe you do?

Why would OP 'maybe need to change'?

Change what? Her husband? I agree.

Sorry OP he’s got another woman (or perhaps man).

This ^ with big brass bells on !

Check his iMessages, go to edit (top left hand corner) then select recently deleted, there may be something there. Also he could have another woman stored under a different name. Also look on his internet providers app, say Vodafone for example then you can download the latest statement and it will show you his entire call log, you can go through the previous months.

OP, these are awful things for anyone to say to another person, least of all their spouse. I am not really sure how he managed to say all of these things to you without you running for the hills. I might have been googling 'divorce lawyer' at the end of the 'ick' first sentence. Take control here. Don't listen to another word of it. He's wrong and doesn't deserve your time. This isn't you but him. So sorry, OP. Surround yourself with people who will be outraged on your behalf and provide the alternative perspective required so you don't believe a word of it.

This sounds very much like another woman but if it is or not is irrelevant, what matters is the way he is treating you. He is speaking to you in a way worse than I would speak to someone I actively disliked. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you are mocked, belittled and talked down to.

I would be leaving, it wouldn't matter if he found someone else or not. But he seems to have so much confidence in putting you down I would say he is actively trying to push you away, whether that be he found a replacement or he wants to split and doesnt have the balls to say so. I personally wouldn't be waiting around long enough to find out which one it was. The disrespect would be enough for me to leave.

Probably got a secret phone.

Get your ducks in a row. He’s seeing someone else or hoping to. Finding fault with you to justify what he’s going to do x

Get your ducks in a row. He’s having an affair or he’s about to that’s why he’s fainting fault with you to justify what he’s about to do

Get shot!

Just came on to say that. Another phone.
His comments to you are disgusting btw.
Who does he think he is.

He is cheating. Tell him his cruelty gave you the ick and to move out. She won't want him then and you can eat how you like

I’m so sorry OP. My ex DH started doing this and I realised he was sucking all of my self esteem and confidence. He has gone now and I feel more like myself than ever. I am happy, confident and life is much better without the Grimm reaper living here. Stand up for yourself and tell him to stop or leave. Don’t tolerate it. Behaviour is a language and his is telling you something.

Get the best Solicitor you can find.. Then take him for every single thing and penny you can. He is a very awful.man treating you like this. Very hurtful .

Best Wishes
😻

Do some digging on the down low and get evidence if he is cheating file first , I hope he isn’t though good luck .

This script must be downloadable from somewhere cos they all use the same one!

Just throwing my opinion in - I wonder if this job is a bit more about appearances then the last?

I say that because communicating in such an unkind way - let alone to his wife(!) - suggests he’s insecure himself. Maybe threatened by the new job and people and projecting his own insecurities with himself on to you.

No matter the reason, this is unkind and unfair. I would make that very clear to him. How dare he treat you like that.

Hi OP x I don’t know you/ him so this is speculation but…is he stressed with his new job so ‘kicking the cat’ ie…you? Often your nearest and dearest bear the brunt if you’re out of sorts (no excuse for his attitude btw). Or, sorry to say but…has something occupied him in his new situation that makes you seem lacking? Or, someone. Because tbh it sounds as if his head’s been turned…and not in your direction. Is the job a ‘step up’ and therefore he is feeling superior? Is the new job part of him having a mid life crisis/life rethink? Even…did he take it on to impress someone else? Whatever the situation…he’s being very unkind. Good luck 🫶

Tinning the wife into the villain enables these men to deal with their cognitive dissonance

I’m a good person, I wouldn’t do bad things, it’s all her fault

Sounds to me like your husband now has a boyfriend and is done with you because you are a woman. I was born and raised in San Francisco and his behavior follows the pattern of a man who lived straight and is finally allowing his true nature to come forth. I've seen it dozens of times.