What does this mean? My boyfriend hasn't texted me for 5 days but still keeps liking my IG stories

[ThatCalicoCat]

I'm looking for outside opinions because I genuinely don't know how to interpret this.

I'm 24F and my boyfriend is 21M. We've been together since January and are long-distance. He hasn't sent me a single message in 5 days. During those 5 days, I've seen him online every day, actively joining Discord calls and gaming with his friends for hours.

What confuses me is that he's also still watching and liking my Instagram stories. So he's clearly seeing my activity and interacting with it, but he hasn't texted me at all.
We've already had conversations about me feeling lonely and wanting more communication. He knows this is an issue in our relationship.

I'm not trying to control his gaming or his friendships. I'm just struggling to understand what it means when someone has time to be online, talk to friends, and like your stories, but not send a simple "hey" to their girlfriend for 5 days.

Would you interpret this as needing space, emotional avoidance, losing interest, or something else?

All of the above in the last paragraph... sorry OP but he doesn't seem that into a relationship

It means he is an immature twat

Honestly, he’s 21. He’s practically still a kid. At 24, if you want a more serious relationship, I’d be looking at guys who are older and more mature. He probably likes the idea of having a girlfriend, but in reality it’s too much hassle to keep up the communication when he can be hanging out gaming with his mates.

I think it's because he's caught up in the football world cup

I don't see how you can genuinely call yourself boyfriend/girlfriend with someone unless you are able to use a phone for it's originally designed purpose of actually calling and speaking to one another!

You’ve met him 3 times! You aren’t his girlfriend, he’s an online friend. This isn’t a relationship!

He’s giving you just enough to keep you on the lone but he’s not that bothered is he… you need to bin him off and stop wasting your time! You could be missing out on meeting someone amazing while you are wasting your time here!

my son is 23 and his girlfriend lives in another country and she’s on video call so much it’s like she lives here too… tbf they have been together years now but she’s very much part of our family despite being so far away because they both make the time and effort when they aren’t together!

@ThatCalicoCat - what @Monstermissy36 describes is what I would expect. My 21 yo DD and her 21 yo BF just spent about 10 mths living in different countries. They Facetimed or at least spoke most days. Texting is meaningless. You can't properly communicate by text. And he's 21. He's still so young. He may have asked you to be his girlfriend but he obviously isn't giving you what you need. Maybe things would be different if you lived in the same country but if you're going to be long distance you probably need to be much better at staying in touch than he is.

He's not that into you. God, the years I wasted on boys like that, guessing what is going on, making excuses that oh they are just too busy..

If a man is interested, you will know and you won't need to wonder.

But this is all Delulu. He's not a great friend and you don't really know him. He could be texting a dozen girls and 'dragging' them into these 'relationships'. Or only talking to you but only when you message first and if he has nothing better to do. You can keep deluding yourself about the boyfriend thing and closeness, but the fact is he's only 21, he's in another country and you've barely met the guy. I'm closer to my binman! Listen to what people are saying and get real about this guy. You'd have a more fulfilling relationship with ChatGPT than him.

I saw a lot of opinions about meeting only 3 times doesn’t count as a couple so how many times that seems reasonable enough for you guys? This might sound silly but tbh this is my first serious relationship (at least from my side) I know I still have a lot of things to learn

@ThatCalicoCat i know you might not want to hear it, and you're feelings are valid, it's not really about how many times you met or how long it's been, he just doesn't come across as being interested, if he was he'd be communicating with you, sorry.

I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband, we have been married for 16 years. Since our first meeting, I never had to wonder why he is not contacting me and if he is really interested. I also dated plenty of guys where I was always wondering. They were not really intersted, just kept me hanging on until someone better came along.

You’ve met 3 times in 6mths of seeing each other

I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere tbh

what country is he from and where is he staying when comes over in 3w

Objectively, how would you advise a friend if she told you this?

I'm just struggling to understand what it means when someone has time to be online, talk to friends, and like your stories, but not send a simple "hey" to their girlfriend for 5 days

No you're not. Deep down, you know what it means, but understandably, you don't want to accept it and you're frustrated, looking for other explanations to explain this behaviour.

Despite what he's telling you, he's just not that into you. He thinks you are permanently available for him when he can be bothered to communicate, when he's bored, lonely or horny. It's quite an asymmetrical situation, don't you think? I also wouldn't count on him seeing himself in a monogamous relationship, rather, you are someone he just keeps on the side for convenience.

He is communicating with you with his actions, and his actions are he just doesn't have the same needs as you, or you are simply not a priority for him. When he views his stories, it's not that he's truly interested in you. He just wants to keep an eye on you to make sure you're not drifting away from him (because that would not be convenient for him).

I want you to remember this ok? Very often, if you're confused about someone's behaviour, it's because they're not that into you and / or they're a users. That goes for friendships as well btw.

They will breadcrumb you in order to give you just enough to keep you hanging on. They may be charming, polite in other ways, enjoyable to be around....but they're still a user. They will lie to you to keep you committed and available.

If you start withdrawing, they may have a little panic and try to stuck you back in. They may seem genuinely distressed when you tell them it's over, but that is not them caring about you. That is them feeling a sense of abandonment. There is a difference.

Well, to put it into context, my husband and I met 3 times within the first week of knowing each other. I’m also very dubious you can have a serious relationship that’s long distance. Very few people can make that work.

stop posting. stop messaging. just stop.

see how long he takes to notice.

i dont think hes that into you tbh.

It sounds like a relationship between two 13 year olds, from both sides.

Sorry - but he’s either too immature to have the type of relationship you want, or he is stringing you along. Is he from a country where having a potential wife in the Uk would help with work and visa applications? If so, run away. Fast

And he’s not your ‘BF’ because he ‘asked you to be his GF’. That is what kids in primary school do and say. He’s an online acquaintance whose agenda isn’t terribly clear - but it’s clearly not driven by a desire to know you more deeply, is it?

This isn't a relationship

You have only met three times in 5 months. You're long distance. He's three years younger than you at a time when three years can make quite a difference He doesn't initiate any contact with you. iHe gives brief replies when you contact him. It's not a relationship. Cut your losses and meet someone closer to home who you can spend time with.

He is 21 and lives in a different country.
You are 24 and this is your first serious relationship.
It is not a relationship I am afraid, never mind a serious one.
OP, your first proper relationship should be wonderful and in person, not you waking up every morning to chase around a man child who is more wrapped up in gaming.
You sound very vulnerable and you are going to really upset yourself if you allow this to continue.
Don’t waste any more time on this young man.
You are looking to him for validation and sadly you are not going to get it from him.
Take some time out and look at building up your own life at home. You really need to do that before you meet someone else. You need to interact with people your own age in person first, for starters.
Young love should be about dates, trips, experiences and fun all done in person.

His actions are telling you what you need to know ie where you fit into his priorities.

What you decide to do with that information is up to you!

Dump him. Seriously, dump him. This is not the behaviour of someone who’s in a relationship he’s just hoping to get laid when you’re in the same country.

I agree with others; he’s not into you. Just date around a bit, focus on your education or traveling, maybe find a boyfriend your age or a couple of years older.