DH texting personal secrets and lies to his mates

[Theangryonethsimorning]

I'm so upset and angry about this.

DH and I married for ten years. 2 kids. Both 40. Last night I needed some info and he gave me his phone to look on WhatsApp for it. It was within a message from a mutual friend.

I noticed a text in a group chat he has with his male uni friends, which prompted me to look in that group chat. I know I shouldn't have, and that it was never going to end well, but I did. Sorry.

Inside the group chat were so many whiny texts from his mates about their wives, their kids, their sex lives. My DH was the same. They also discussed each others sex lives and wives in graphic detail, including my own husband. Just in a couple of minutes worth of scrolling I saw him mention things about our sex life, my body, things I do that annoy him. And the thing was, a couple of the things were just complete lies. He was moaning about / sharing stuff in our marriage that wasn't even true.

I haven't yet mentioned this to anyone in real life. I understand that it was a private group chat. But he did give me his phone. I don't know if his gripes are genuinely felt (the ones based on reality) or if he is just playing along. But I can't believe he would betray our couples secrets like that, or that his mates do the same. Sad really as well as angry.

The amount of women on this thread who are excusing this behaviour and saying it’s just the way men are should really raise their bars.

”Boys will be boys.” Is such an outdated saying. Boys should be held accountable for their behaviour and actions is the correct attitude.

Boys negative and toxic behaviour that is ignored and excused leads to men who behave the same way and feel they can do what they like without repercussions.

What a horrid post!
I am no such thing! You don't know me at all.
I have had such waxes myself but they will always be my choice and not to pander to some hideous, mysogynistic prick

Absolutely this

I'm really surprised that so many posters are defending this behaviour and saying it's normal!

I have never spoken about a partner's private parts or any intimate details about my sex life with a group of friends and none of my friends have ever spoken like this about their husbands either.

I'd honestly not be able to feel the same way about him again, I'd feel massively betrayed.
I really struggle to be intimate after this too.

I’m really surprised by this thread - I would never, ever disclose private information about my sex life with my friends. I don’t think my friends do either. We often talk about sex, and I will say things that are explicitly about me - but I would never in a million years tell anyone anything that was specifically about my husband. I would be absolutely furious if he told anyone anything that essentially boiled down to a discussion about something like my body or my tastes, or things I’d done with him.

Exactly. DH often looks at my phone, but strangely enough he never finds anything horrible about him because I've got no intention of Whats Apping my friends about his genitals. Really surprised some seem to think it's normal for women to bitch and complain about their DH to girlfriends. I just don't. Have some respect. If you marry someone and end up bitching and complaining about them - well, you married them. It's on you. OP stop apologising and challenge this behaviour. Like 12 year olds the sorry lot of them.

This reminds me of a former boss I had.

I had access to his email as his assistant. I'd put in a term in the search bar so I could find an email but it brought up chats between him and his awful mates. How they would only "sh*g blondes" "no other hair colour was worth sticking it in" (yes really) and talking about each other's wives as if they were pieces of meat.

This was a really highly regarded CEO. Hugely respected in his field. His mates all had fancy titles too.

He'd also told some lies about me and a couple of the other girls in the team, and I ended up leaving because of it (really wish I'd sued now, looking back).

I talk about my partner on occasion to my sister but it's rarely derogatory.

If you snoop you will generally find stuff you don't want to see about you.

This also happened to me years ago, in a private conversation between my cousin and her friend - but I didn't snoop - my cousin (who was my best friend) somehow put my name in the reply box, and I received a long thread between the two of them, slagging me off, and calling me a hater (because I'd begged my cousin to stop seeing a married man).

Does he know you’ve read his chat op?

Yet if it was a man searching through his partners phone you'd be ranting on about how controlling he is 😂

Horrific pos men

Do they? I’ve never complained to anyone about my husband, expect maybe anonymously on here.