Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 2

[mummy917]

Made a new thread as the original one is almost full 😊rel

I have a Google doorbell which is battery powered 😊

I haven’t seen him on the doorbell camera yet but he knows it’s there obviously so probably won’t be that stupid 🤣

Absolutely terrified to get married the amount of times I see this exact story play out...

I’m sure not every man is like this. I’m sure there’s also plenty of women who do the same too. I mean, it’s put me off marriage for life and relationships for a very long time, but yeah. I’m sure there’s still some decent men out there.

You are doing the right thing OP. Keep the household as settled and calm as possible. Youre doing brilliantly with settling yourself and the kids into an organised calm routine. All communication with Twattoo via a parenting app and stick to essential communication only. He doesnt get to turn your lives upside down and still be wanting to do the disney dad routine. He probably wont stick to 50/50 so calmly gather evidence of non compliance and then put in a cms claim. He doesnt get to set foot in your house again and still pretend he is parenting. Hopefully now all of his shit has gone from the house.

At the moment it seems more like 100/0 rather than 50/50.

It’s definitely 100/0 at the moment. Our daughter has a transition day at school tomorrow and he has shown absolutely no interest in being there to see her in with me. I know it’s not the same as her first proper day at school, but it’s still a big deal to both her and me.

Sod that. He's clearly trying to assuage his guilt about leaving you with 4 children to raise by offering to mow the lawn, thinking that evens things out somehow. What a dick

Marriage is a gamble no matter how well you think you know your intended. It's the biggest leap of faith a person can take IMHO.

esDH and I were married for close to 38 years before his drinking spun out of control. I know someone who was married 15 years before she discovered he was cheating on her.

The remedy? NEVER become financially dependent on a man and ALWAYS keep your own support system intact. And ALWAYS keep on top of what's going on with family finances. These things aren't just for divorce, they're also good things for the possibility of widowhood or a spouse losing a job or becoming disabled.

So you either need to keep working after you have a child or you need to have the type of qualification that will easily allow you to re-enter the workforce after a period of not working. And it's a good thing to stay within a reasonable distance from your family or close friends or to have a 'path back', which always seem to fall back on having a job that's easily transferred to another area (big company, civil service) or that is in demand in many areas (nursing, teaching, etc). And never let finances default to one person. Even if you choose to let a DH pay the bills, always be sure you could step in any time and take over (or separate them). And that you are knowledgeable about how & where you are planning for retirement.

Would you buy a home without homeowner's insurance? No. Do you keep yourself prepared for bad weather or a natural disaster? Sure, have a few torches, batteries, maybe a battery radio and some food that doesn't need cooking. So why wouldn't someone keep themselves prepared for life's 'eventualities'.

Absolutely agree. Thus far Twattoo hasnt actually done any parenting. He needs to know that he either steps up and does his fair share or the OP is absolutely within her rights to submit a cms claim.

I think some men hate their exes more than they love their kids.

Anything they see as helping the ex they seem to avoid like the plague even though the kids would benefit.

It's impossible to understand.

Just a word of warning with regard to changing his name on your phone. If your kids can read, it won’t take them long to see what you change it to and to start asking questions about it!

Also, op do you have any other external doors that he may have a key for? When my xh ‘was moved out’ (long story), I changed one of the locks on the front door and kept keys in or bolted other external doors from the inside. Thankfully I did so, as he kicked down my locked side gate and tried to break in from these doors when he had no success at the front door. He thought I was out as my car wasn’t in the drive. I was in though and you should have seen his face when I appeared at the window inside and asked what he and his mate were doing! 😆

Just a thought does he have access to your Google doorbell account? I just wouldn’t want him being able to watch your comings and goings. Actually if he does, I’d be tempted to ask a good looking man to pop round once the kids are in bed, just to wind him up 😂🤣.

Hahaha love the level of petty on this thread, I am here for it 🤣 I also love that Twattoo has stuck! I can’t change his name to that in my phone though as my 9 year old can read.

Sadly no he doesn’t have access to the Google account now so he can’t see who’s coming or going 🤣

No he gave the key back for both the front and back doors, and even though he’s apparently been going to the gym 2-3 times a week, I struggle to see where the muscle has built up so I doubt he’d be able to break a door down either 🤣

I do agree with that, that some people hate their exes more than they love their kids and it’s so so sad. I could maybe understand it slightly if I’d been the one who destroyed our marriage in whatever way, however this has all been his doing and choices. Our daughter knows I will be there for her tomorrow to drop her to school and then pick her up again 🥹

Apparently been going to the gym 2-3 times a week is a big clue. He might have been doing a workout of a different sort.

Who knows at this point. If there’s not another woman already, there will be soon enough, I don’t doubt it.

Hi @Daftapath

How did that work out?!

Was he trying to get in to take more stuff?

I think some men just get so stuck into trying to justify to themselves that they have broken up the family for good reason that they lose all sense of reality.

I think I would be putting a version of this on every reply I ever sent him and under every post or photo he ever puts up on social media.

He comes from a family who seem unable to take any accountability when they’re in the wrong so I’m never expecting him to say our marriage ending was because of him.

I got no reply when I said I didn’t want or need his help with the lawn, but he could take the kids out. I’m still waiting on my solicitor getting back in touch to discuss mediation. They said they’d be in touch this week.

I doubt he'll apologise. When my ExH left for the OW, he said that he could hold his head up high because he'd done everything 'by the book'. All he had done was to fall in love. These men are deluded.

Its awful and sad to see men being so callous towards ex spouses but especially sad to see men doing this shit to their children. Your kids know you are the stable rock they can rely on.

Wow, I have no words for some of the things these men say. They genuinely believe the things they spout too 🤯 how can blowing someone’s life apart ever be a cause to “hold your head high”? Blows my mind.

I genuinely don’t think there’s really been a single time over these last 3 months where he’s considered the kids’ feelings or had them at the forefront of his mind.

I also love that Twattoo has stuck! I can’t change his name to that in my phone though as my 9 year old can read

TattyBye is politer if needed.

Does he even bother to ask how the kids are? Or is it literally a what are you doing text at midnight and would you like me to mow your lawn text this morning? Was he always this selfish and rubbish with the children?