Unwelcome return of my libido

[Bluepinkrex]

HRT and return of my libido. What do I do?
My DH went off sex a few years ago. It really crushed me for a while but I’ve worked through my feelings of rejection and made my peace with not having sex ever again. I’ve had a few gynae issues so my libido had dwindled to nothing. I’ve recently started HRT and I’ve become aware that my sex drive is starting to come back. I really don’t want this but I need the benefits that the oestrogen provides. I didn’t realise that this might even be an issue. I tried to discuss it with my DH at the weekend and he said ‘well don’t look at me! You’ll have to sort yourself out’
I can’t go back to ‘sorting myself out’ as it’s the loneliest thing ever. I’d just rather not have any drive. What do I do?

That’a really sad that your dh said that to you. It’s not nice from someone you love. I have no advice really just an acknowledgement of your post and hope someone has some good advice

I don’t like that answer from your DH.

You know what the response would be on here if the sexes were reversed.

Do not put pressure on your DH to have sex if he does not want it.

Apart from the lack of sex, how is your relationship? Is there a particular reason your DH went off sex a few years ago?

Your have other options: 'sort yourself out', come off HRT if you find it too distressing, leave the marriage, or find yourself a FWB if your DH is open to that.

Why did he go off sex? does he have ED problems?

Yeah. He started on blood pressure medication a few years ago and it completely killed his desire and ability. He’s tried viagra once and it didn’t work, so he’s just stopped having any interest in it.

@exexpat relationship is fine other than this. We work well as a team, loads of things in common, he’s dependable. I just don’t want to rock the boat by bringing sex up again.

Tbh I would go back to the doctor. Maybe they can fine tune the dosages?

If I’m honest I would ask AI first I suppose, but I wouldn’t change anything until talking to the prescriber.

@PermanentTemporary there’s no way I have a conversation with my GP ghat goes ‘HRT is making me want sex again but my husband packed all that nonsense away years ago so can you tweak my prescription to make me less demanding?’ Like I’m some kind of raving nymphomaniac. I’ve been suffering the embarrassment of answering questions about whether sex is ok after my gynae op and going ‘erm. Dunno. Not had sex for years’ and them assuming it’s me who has the problem. So then I have to say ‘oh no, I’d love it, just my husband isn’t interested any more’.

Your DH sounds really unkind and unloving. If your DH has no interest in sex at all and apparently no interest in pleasuring you, how would you and he feel about you seeking it elsewhere? I’m late 50s. Never took HRT. Never had a rampant libido but the libido i do have is still thrumming along nicely; in fact, i think it’s increased somewhat since menopause. The pain and loneliness you describe at his sexual rejection of you are not okay and it seems sad you should be squashing your libido to accommodate it.

I wish hrt had done that to me. Im dead from the neck down.

So, you're friends, then. 🤷‍♀️

Have you tried adding testosterone to yiu HRT? It is known for helping to resurrecting libido 🤗

I think you need to outright tell him you cannot go through a sexless relationship. It seems he hasn't bothered to address it really. But then again, you were content too until now.
Your last update shows you are both not very open with each other in that department. And for him to tell you to sort yourself out!!! This means he is sorting himself out on a regular basis IMO. Have you ever said that to him in the past?

Seems you have been together for a long time where you are more like brother and sister.

I hit menopause & lost all interest in everything, I went off the scale. Partner was more concerned about me than pestering for sex but I felt really bad, the thought of sex disgusted me for a few years. I tried testosterone on top of HRT & it worked but sent me too far so it was a no. Eventually sex drive came back but then partner started blood pressure meds and that was it. Now he feels really bad, viagra worked but now he's on 3 bp meds & can't have viagra. It's a right carry on.

Anti depressants should kill your sex drive.

Why do you say that ‘sorting yourself out’ is the loneliest thing ever? Is that slightly melodramatic?

This. Your husband's response is unsupportive and cold. I'd raise the subject of a discreet open relationship.

Sorry but I think you’re being a prude/dramatic about ‘sorting yourself out’. See it as some time to yourself, get a raunchy book or whatever and afterwards you might feel better!

But also talk to your dh - be honest about your feelings.

Is having an extramarital sexual relationship in one's fifties really so important it's worth risking, and most likely ending, a long and mainly happy marriage? Really?

Why can’t he sort you out? He still has hands and a mouth.

Im not saying he should be coerced but it’s really fucking sad that in a stable and long marriage he doesn’t WANT you to feel desired and content regardless of his blood pressure.

This!

sorry op but I find it incredibly hard to believe that your husband has “gone off” sex. It just doesn’t really happen to men. I’d be questioning the other reasons to be honest. If you’re not in a sexual relationship you are factually in a platonic one.

Imagine this the other way round - a woman being told she has hands and a mouth. The number of women posting that they have lost interest in sex and they get told their husband can sort himself out.

It is such a classic MN double standard.

Tell him you want an open relationship. His response shows he doesn't care about you.

@Bluepinkrex ok sorry im
hoing to push that straight back to you - why NOT have that conversation? Write it down if you have to? The doctor is the person who could actually help you.

I know my GP is in a tricky low sex relationship (his partner wrote a startlingly explicit memoir). I’ve no doubt many GPs would be sympathetic.