Husband booked lads' holiday over daughter's birthday festival weekend

[JDIMum]

Looking for some advice please. My daughter age 8 is a huge Nathan Evans fan - Scottish singer for those of you not familiar. He is playing at a family festival in Edinburgh in August. Friends of ours are going with their children and making a weekend of it so we (my husband & our 3 kids age 11,8,6)thought we’d book to go as part of my daughter’s 9th birthday. Tickets were bought in January, accommodation sorted & paid for - we are staying at glamping pods where our friends are too.
Now my husband goes away with his friends once a year - they have a betting club together and they bet on the football each week - any wins they get the money goes in the pot for the holiday. At the weekend there my husband said they’d booked their betting club holiday. Fly on 19th August & back on 23rd. Straight away I said the festival is 21st-23rd???? Now my husband is super forgetful like really bad he never remembers dates for anything so has clearly forgot this was booked. I am absolutely fuming. I would never book a holiday without running dates past him - not to get his permission but just to let him know! First he’s mentioned it was the weekend & apparently it’s been booked for a few weeks???? Wtf? I said to him if he’d mentioned the dates I could have reminded him about the festival. I’ve since not spoken to him in 2 days. I’m so annoyed. He turned it back on me saying ‘I clearly don’t want him to go away with his friends & it’s always an issue’. I can assure you it’s never an issue!!!! I think it’s important for us both to go away with friends. We’ve been together 22 years & married for 12 I’ve never ever grudged him a boys holiday but I’m raging! I want him to either cancel his place or come back on the Friday night/Sat morning so he can still come with us! Am I being unreasonable????

I think the problem is that once he has done this then it does put a crack in the marriage - he either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care

it sounds like he is used to OP picking up the slack when he’s away and thinks he can prioritise himself. Of course this one incident shouldn’t mean divorce but it is going to weaken the marriage and if there’s been little chunks kicked out of it over the years this is just going to make it spiral even more

Fucking hell! You've twisted yourself into a pretzel to excuse OP's DH's selfish behaviour and to put all the blame onto OP. OP's 8-year old daughter should be the centre of her parents' universe, especially where her birthday treat is concerned.

OP's DH is obviously a liar who deliberately double booked his lads' holiday when he knew that he would miss his daughter's birthday treat. He is now sulking because OP is pissed off that he has prioritised the lads' holiday over his daughter's birthday treat. That is the action of a really shitty father and sulking is also considered to be abusive behaviour. You expect OP to tell him that everything is fine and that he has done nothing wrong? Well fuck that shit!

Well said!

Lol, as if OP would take advice from someone as rude and smug as you!

While you don't have to agree with the post, OP, this comment puts you in a negative light. It makes your husband look more sympathetic if this is what he experiences.

So, OP, what have you decided to do? What's DH's position now, two days later?

Quite. Thank you. I get that I’m not saying what the OP wants to hear, but if she’d posted saying her husband hadn’t spoken to her for two days because she was missing a family event then the majority wouldn’t be defending him.

YANBU OP. Of course you're not wrong to get upset over this, especially if he's throwing it back at you

Can't believe how one small, justified, reaction, becomes the excuse for a pile on!

Hilarious that some posters are saying the silent treatment is abuse
Totally ignoring the fact that he's trying to push things back on her in terms of if he should arrange
He's majorly messed up, not considered the family at all, pushing the weekend on her, letting friends and family down and saying she shouldn't push him to sort it
YANBU OP...

FFS get over your cool girl shit (or if you're a man troll from reddit piss off)

OP is allowed to feel disappointed to the point of tears by the realisation that her H is a selfish fuck who cares only about himself.

I was inclined to tell that poster to fuck off too. The comment was idiotic and intended to provoke and DARVO OP. Your posts are along the same vein. You too seem to be here to pretzel yourself to find excuses for this shit H and to try to make OP seem unreasonable and somehow responsible for everything.

Are you another shit man from reddit, here to spoil the helpful discourse? Or are you a cool girl wanting more badges?

I agree with you on it all. I reckon he always knew the dates and I guarantee if he says he will come back early, there will be something that happens that stops him. Says he missed his flight and then has to wait for the original booked one etc

Ive thought from the start they are a man. Every single post is just trying to be a twat but they usually thrive on attention so best to just ignore them.

If by ‘full of myself’ you mean full of my self-worth, then I pick that one. I’ve been with my DH for over 20 years and it is inconceivable that he would ever behave like this. I had relationships with shitty men before that so I know what that looks like too.

As for the point of view, I think this is one of those few occasions where it’s all that’s needed. The OP has been very factual, so unless she’s actually making shit up, I don’t see what the other point of view could be.

‘I want to ditch my family’s long-standing weekend away to celebrate my daughter’s birthday so I can go on a last minute lads holiday, but my horrid wife won’t just smile and be happy about it. AIBU’

I can’t see my opinion differing with that take.

Funny he’s not willing to lose the money for the holiday but is for the festival and one will keep his whole family happy whereas the other is just purely for him… Says a lot about the guy.

Ignore the nasty posters🙄.

OP, of course you're upset.
Your husband is a selfish liar who has form for sulking.

I too bet he knew well, but said fxxk it, he'll do it anyway.

I hope you go yourself, but I also hope you begin to see exactly who you are married to.

Long term selfish men are a very bad bet.
But you can drop the rope and no longer do anything that benefits him.

Also don't cover for him.
Tell family and friends the truth.
Take every bit of support.

I’m not like the other cool wives on here, I would be letting him know straight away that he’d be expected to cancel it. And if he didn’t then I’d be seriously looking at the man I’d married differently. Thankfully my husband runs things by me first to check if we’ve anything on the same way I do with him. I spent enough years with a selfish man when I was younger, being cool and laid back got me the piss taken right out of me so never again.

It really doesn't make her husband look more sympathetic. He is still a prick who lied to his wife about forgetting about his daughter's birthday treat when he booked his lads' holiday.

If he really had forgotten about the festival, he would have done what he and OP normally do when booking solo holidays which would be checking with the other that they would be available to do solo parenting during those dates. He already knew that OP would be available because of going to the concert, so him pleading ignorance and forgetfulness is just more of his selfish and deceitful behaviour.

If by ‘full of myself’ you mean full of my self-worth, then I pick that one

That's absolutely not what I mean.

I think realising that the man you love, married and had children with is actually a selfish gaslighter with opposing values to your own is more than just a blip. OP is understandably questioning her life choices and relationship over this, I imagine that’s why she’s so upset.

Then please do explain what you mean when you suggest it’s ’full of yourself’ for a woman to have expectations of behaviour from her DH and to stand by those standards rather than roll over accept whatever he tells her to?

Ignore the doormats OP and do whatever it takes to get him to put his family first!
I still think that if he goes away with mates for a few days he’ll miss his early return flight therefore I wouldn’t want him to go at all.

Agree!!