The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ooh - exciting. Connection is a great key. Hope it goes well - as always, keep us updated!

Weirdly he said he wanted me to meet family but it has not happened. That whole thing is odd in itself.

I don't think I can keep quiet any longer and I probably shouldn't have let things slide so long.

If my Situationship had been a ONS that would have been better. It continued without a single date, me cooking and him coming to mine (never with a bottle of wine or anything) as it continued I got hooked. There was some ED (he performed well in other areas) now I’m paranoid they all have it. It’s not something I’ve dealt with before 😤

Nope, you are not being picky at all. I think you know what you need to do, or you wouldn’t be asking. He should be on his best behaviour this early on but his actions are not telling a good story here.

Sending you a hand hold for the conversation.

@CleanShirt What?! I can’t believe he did that so openly. That’s really bad form.

@BellaBlackberry83 Fantastic update, that sounds exciting! Have you agreed another date?

Yup I think he’s definitely being cautious because we work together and the power imbalance. He’s probably being quite sensible. Even if he did suddenly profess feelings for me, I would probably have no idea what to do! 🤦‍♀️

On a sample size of 2 and a lot of research but clearly not a medic, I think a lot of it is SSRI related.

I think the mindset that goes with it is if they can cope with it we should too, and that's that.

But for me it's incomplete/stressful.

Long distance situationship Mr Nomad is flying up to see me, landing tomorrow, and here for the weekend. It’s his friends 40th birthday dinner and he’s invited me to go with him 🧐

I do really like him and it will be lovely to see him. I am somewhat bemused that he wants me to attend a social dinner when we’re not technically in a relationship…! But I will go along with it.

I would love to know your secrets for securing the most relationship-acting non-relationship men! Love it for you.

Is he in denial? It's quite annoying of him 😁

@BoxOfCatssounds like it could just be a fun night. Go for it!

@Nosdacariad Haha maybe he is in denial! I don’t mind though… he’s coming with me to view the house I’m about to settle on, being an ex builder I asked if he would give me his opinion on a few things that I think need fixing 😂 So it’s working both ways at least…!

Lol I wish I knew! It’s not something I’ve actively sought at all. Not that I’m complaining.
Perhaps he only secret is to be just as emotionally unavailable as they are 😉

This is really bad.

Presumably in his twatty litrle mind it is a way to make you jealous or something ...

It's not your fault in any way, nothing you have done has made him act like this. This is his own tactless dickishness. But yeah, I think it's time to get rid, however much you like him......

I think it's difficult because there is clearly a lot you like about him. But these red flags are not getting any pinker.....

I suspect that if you can disentangle yourself now you will spare yourself some heartache in the future. But I know this is very, very hard to do......

Tbh - he’s sounding a lot more useful than my actual exclusive dating guy lol.

You handle it so well - enjoy!

Sounds similar to my ex mr situationship- except I went there and took the alcohol - sigh. For nearly a decade as it was easy to do this - a ONS would have been so much better and move along.

I didn’t get the ED but the sex definitely got quite depressing in the end -but as we were down to meeting around 6x a year in the end I coped I guess rather than just bin it - bad habits die hard!

Years ago I dated someone who had some ED through medical stuff (not SSRIs) - it was he who wouldn’t put up with that and got it solved - he was however in his mid 40s - maybe that’s a difference? They think it’s to be accepted later on?

Don’t envy it though - otherwise than that it was yet another dire relationship of mine ha!

Thanks all for the thoughts on last night. I've heard from him but just general chat. Didn't ask I got home ok and obviously hasn't brought up the messages.

I feel disrespected and annoyingly really upset today.

It’s the checking that you got home aswell as everything else I would find disrespectful. I do that for everyone!

Nosdacariad I think you absolutely should be more of a priority to him by now. It's not 'you' finding fault.

CleanShirt I'm sorry you are upset. Are you going to bring it up?

I think I'm going to have to. And I am horrible at awkward conversations. We're due to meet up next weekend (I'm working and he's away) so I'll see how I feel before then.

We're by no means exclusive, but I'd ay least expect him to be off his phone when he's with me.

And absolutely no fight for me to stay so I trekked home at 11.30pm on my own.

Aww I'm sorry. I do feel for you. It's general respect, isn't it? It's not as if it was a text from his mum & he quickly answered & apologized (which is what I'd do)

And at the least, you'd want him to apologize for how the evening ended, wouldn't you

So sorry. Sending love ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷