The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It would bother me because it would be a misalignment of values. I’m quite career driven and action oriented, plus I don’t drink much (despite working in the industry). If I were out of work I’d be doing everything I possibly could to change the situation. That’s just me though, how is it sitting with you?

Evenings

Yes he does. He is behind his own plans for his business.

The ex is not helping out. Maybe parents? I wonder too.

I'm similar, it doesn't sit well. It seems so...teenage.

@Nosdacariad would bother me. Sorry x

@Ilovelurchers how did it go?!

It wouldn't have done in the past ..... But now I am more cautious.

Is he alone in the pub, or meeting up with friends? That would make a difference to me - whether he is there for the company, or is it primarily for the alcohol?

My date with Mr Teacher was..... Weird. Not in a bad way, necessarily. I just don't know quite what to think about it now.

He is insanely attractive, so I need not have worried about that! Much better than his Bumble photos ....

And he was certainly easy to talk to. But also strangely intense? Which I could have predicted from his messages I suppose. I also suspect he takes himself quite seriously .....

I think I would like to see him again - to be honest I was somewhat tempted to go back to his place, but I didn't, mainly because I had work in the morning!

I do plan to see him again (we have arranged the next date) and, all being well, I think I will sleep with him then - this may sound strange but I feel like that will help me clarify whether there is actual chemistry between us or not? And he seems keen.....

@Ilovelurchers that sounds ‘weird’ in a good way. I salute your courage in finding out about the chemistry between you by ‘going back to his place’ next time. I just don’t relax enough in sexual encounters to really be able to enjoy until I know a lot more about the person.

Completely understand that that is now considered a very old fashioned approach indeed. As a teenager I was more than happy to be bolder but didn’t really expect to orgasm in the initial encounters.

It took me a good long time to discover what works for me which starts by knowing the person quite well. Hope it goes well with you.

Goes with landlady. Chats, not all about the booze.

Ilovelurchers I'm glad that it went well overall! Sounds good, intense could be good or bad really, couldn't it!
When is the next date?

Nosdacariad Yes, parents could be it. My ex used to go to the same pub 90% of the time & he had a 'tab' there that he just never paid off (I found out about this by accident one night & I kind of thought 'Oh! That makes things click into place!') Once every couple of months the pub would refuse him any more survive, he'd whine to his mum & she'd pay it for him (attractive, huh!)

Might not be the same for your man of course.

@Ilovelurchers promising. Teachers are challenging to be in a relationship if you are not one (I was one for 30 years) but potentially rewarding!

No sign of a tab x

Nosdacariad Have you had any more contact with his ex?

Interesting. Do you think there’s any chance he was nervous, or trying to impress you with this being the first date? Maybe that was why he came across a but intense?

I’m all for a chemistry test straight away if it feels right. I tend to be one extreme or the other - decide I really fancy someone and want to rip their clothes off, or not at all!

Went to a work related event offsite with Mr Social today. We were meant to be going with another colleague, who was off sick today so it was just the two of us.

I’ve noticed he’s quite professional when we see each other in person. We were at a beautiful hotel by the waterfront, lots of bars etc nearby, it was a sunny day, we finished at 4.30pm so there was ample opportunity to suggest a drink or similar. But no…nothing. Meanwhile, he is still sending me jokey messages on instagram. I think he is wary and / or shy…

Do you think he is being careful to be super-professional because you work together? I guess it speaks well of him that he doesn't want to put you under pressure. But kind of frustrating if you want him to show his hand .....

Would you like something to happen with him?

I actually am one myself too! I have only once had a relationship with another teacher before - it does work in a way I felt, because you always have something to talk about, and somebody who really gets it ....

Ooh - interesting update.

Lots of good stuff then - so intense in every way/conversation or just when talking about his plans? It’s a sign of passion I think so bed could be fun!

I like some lightness myself but it’s not necessary- but is there that too? I also don’t take me seriously - and a failing I’m told of mine is not to take a guy (or anyone tbf) too seriously- I think it’s not always welcome though my p-takes or sense of humour.

No. We were going to meet but she cancelled as too pissed. Then she was expecting a visit (from another ex) and Planes suggested we descend on her just before and I said I wasn't sure she'd be too pleased.

Yes, I always thought it was easier.

There’s lots of good, ok, and not so good reasons to be in the pub nightly I guess but what do you think about it? I’m not sure if you don’t like it, but can’t figure out if you’re being unreasonable? You are allowed to not like it, feel it doesn’t align with what you want whatever Plane’s reason/excuse.

If you’ve commented already, maybe don’t decide on it yet and just see how it goes - and how it is as part of the whole?

As far as I know UC for a single person is very low - barely, if at all, liveable even - so he must have cash from elsewhere I think.

I guess maybe his landlady agreed to the rent scam? As they’re drinking together? Is he feeling obliged to go? I mean they could stay in to chat?

Obviously, it is the World Cup at the moment- maybe that’s a draw.

I’m sorry there’s so much to consider - are you seeing him soon? Is that still good?

Best of luck 💐

@MsJinks I don't admire it.

I think savings but must be under 16k due to UC rules, unless you can fiddle that too.

Landlady did agree and maybe that's right, he is under an obligation I guess.

He's not a footie fan. I'm seeing him tomorrow, which is always lovely (except he has ED & DE).

The intenseness is slightly hard to quantify, but it certainly wasn't just about himself - he was at pains to draw me out about myself too, to the extent that I even ended up crying at one point, talking about a difficult thing from the past....Which probably makes me the red flag! But he seems to have taken it in his stride, and he still wants to see me, so ....

There just isn't much lightness to him, somehow? He isn't humourless by any means - he is quite darkly funny... I don't know.

I feel like, if we go to bed together, it will either be brilliant and then I will get more behind his intensity, or it will be awful and I will see his intensity as faintly ridiculous ..... So it will resolve things either way.

Does that make sense? Probably not. Maybe I am just making excuses for wanting a shag....🤣

No excuses needed for a shag lurchers - just go for it! I even nearly contemplated Mr Not for Me - and that would have actually been very desperate! - till the offer was to lay next to me and watch me sleep 🤢

It will be amazing or funny - so what’s to lose lol. There’s a lot worse outcomes!

Do you think you’ll find the intensity difficult over time - or attractive? And connecting?

Keep us updated - well at least the bits you feel you can! And enjoy!