The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@BoxOfCats I noticed that Mr Mullet updated his profile today as well. It's a kicker isn't it. Trying to work on detaching from him. We're due to go out Wednesday so I'll see how I feel then.

BoxOfCats I'm sorry. I think in it's perfectly understandable that it would sting, it's a bit of an odd situation between you 2, isn't it.

I can fully understand why that hurts. Do the two of you talk openly about others you are seeing? If not, would it help to do so?

I find it helps me to be really open about this with my FWBs - I feel more in control if I can chat to them about who they are seeing when, rather than it being something I constantly speculate about.....

And this must be hard, as from what you have said you would like to be exclusive with him?

I wonder if it would be best for your emotional wellbeing to put all your cards on the table about how much you like him, and ideally what you would want with him. Though he is sounding like he might be more looking at FWB, I that way at least you would know you had given it your best shot? But I am a walking disaster in relationships, so my advice should come with a warning!

Do you think you will keep seeing him as an FWB, or would you prefer to break it off altogether?

I'm a bit weird in that I can't do FWB with someone I actually like 🫣 I need a bit of distance which I don't have with this guy because he's ticking all my boxes. I guess I've got nothing to lose but worried it's too soon.

So sorry lovely, wish this was smoother sailing for you.

@BoxOfCatsits a horrible feeling when they update their profile, maybe a sign to get out now if you think feelings may get hurt?

That sounds v. Promising. Mr Holiday Homes is connecting so well with me on chat. I might overlook (🤣) the height thing. He’s really growing on me. ❤️

can I join? Divorced after a 30 year marriage and finally signed up to Bumble. Totally new territory for me.

went in a coffee date last week, I thought it went quite well and had lots in common. he took ages following up and said he didn’t think I was romantically interested! No clue what that means - was he expecting a bj in the middle of Costa?!

Haha, no my teeth are normal

Night shift is a terrible time to be ruminating over things 🤣

Supposed to see Mr Mullet on Wednesday. If he doesn't cancel I may lay my cards on the table. Nothing to lose really.

Another day of poor comms and periods of being awol.

Hahaha probably. And WELCOME💐

Sending love @BoxOfCats @CleanShirt 🩵💚💜

Not sure if I should or shouldn't update on Planes. Basically I'm still a bit on the fence...

Nosdacariad How's it been going?

CleanShirt I think it's card laying time!

Puddleduck2013 Ugh. I wonder if he wanted you to tell him that you were interested & it was a kind of test for his ego?

@Nosdacariad Ahhh thanks.

Re Planes, would it be helpful to share your thought process here even if you haven’t made your mind up?

Hi Puddleduck! Also divorced after 27 years and in Bumble. My first coffee date messaged 5 times and called after the date. Keen to meet again. And then would never commit to it. So I gave up! Who knows? Bloody weird dating after so long. The ‘rules’ are bonkers but am getting used to them! Good luck.

Haha I see what you did there! What do you think has changed?

@Ilovelurchers We don’t talk about anyone else we are seeing. We last chatted about where things stood about two months ago - when I said I really liked him but wasn’t sure how long I could do a situationship type of arrangement. He said at the time he’d had a lot of big life changes and didn’t want to commit to anything, but suggested we just keep the lines of communication open. Neither of us have raised it since.

I’m not sure what to make of it really. Our dates are really lovely - he puts in a lot of thought and effort, is really affectionate, sex is off the charts, we always have a great time. In many ways what we have suits me to a large degree - I don’t want to commit a lot of time and energy to someone else. I’m also conscious I am moving house next month and will practically be his neighbour and part of me is curious to see if that will change the dynamic. I suppose I’m a little scared to lay all my cards on the table unless I’m prepared to actually walk away (and I’m not… not yet anyway).

I think there’s probably a bruised ego on my part wondering why I’m not enough for him, however I know rationally that it’s probably much more about him than it is a reflection of me.

Welcome!

I’ve posted on here before about coffee dates, I think it’s just a difficult setting to assess chemistry but easy to have a chat etc. I’ve never successfully mastered them!

I’m seeing more of ‘him’ his green flags are starting to out number the yellow/ red ones. Just a PITA that I can’t see him for so long and meet in person. It will be what it will be.

@BoxOfCats do you think sometimes they say that they don’t want a relationship but in reality are just covering their backs? Seems he puts a lot of effort in for someone not interested in a relationship. If the sex is good and you’re happy, go with the flow and enjoy!!!

@duckingcluelesswhat are the rules? I have no clue!

Sorry that was for @Betsy95

BoxOfCats Will you be able to see who's coming & going from his, when you are neighbours? (Not like a stalker! Just if you happen to see)

Because that might be difficult for you, if it's lots of women. It's nice that the times together are so great, that's a big positive.