Does anyone track their husband’s location?

[Lana20]

Hi everyone I was just wondering if anyone uses a tracking app to check on their husbands? I don’t but all my friends do and they think I’m crazy not to. Is this normal? My husband just tells me where he’s going and calls me but apparently that’s not enough lol.

I track DH as I got fed up of him never finishing work when he said he was going to (he’s a perennial optimist), now I just look to see if he’s left work and time dinner accordingly or I just eat if it’s late. He feels less nagged and I’m less frustrated. He uses it to find me when we’re out shopping etc.

You don’t get to have an opinion on how someone else feels. If some uses a tracking app and also trusts their partner, that’s what they feel. Your opinion is irrelevant.

But I don't say that. I don't post that my DH never does something unless I know for sure that he never does it... I don't make shit up just to make a point online!

So the person who told me im not incorrect. That statement is valid because you agree with it!

We don’t track, but you you could say that about any change in behaviour – suddenly staying late at work, suddenly taking their phone to the bathroom, suddenly going out late, suddenly going to the gym and buying new clothes.

A change in any habitual behaviour could always be seen as ‘suspicious’. It doesn’t mean using tracking apps aren’t useful to some people.

Her counter had some validity because it had reasoning behind it, it wasn't just a vapid sweeping generalization with no foundation. There are people on this thread who I disagree with, but their posts aren't just random judgment out of no where, they have some reasoning in their comment which gives their opinion some validity.

This. He is only ever on the golf course so handy to see what time to put the Sunday lunch on.

I don't see the need to have it all the time. I share when it seems useful. Usually if I'm running alone in the dark or we trying to meet in a busy place. He sometimes shares on the way back from work so I can see if he'll make the nursery pickup. But for whatever reason it weirds me out to think about him being able to know where I am whenever he wants. As a wife and mother, I already basically have no privacy. I don't feel the need to hand that over too.

You know no one is actually doing that, don’t you?
well, no one that’s not abusive.

My DH looks at where I am in order to have dinner ready for me coming home! Just to counter all the women waiting for their DH. He can set an alert on FindMy along lines of “inform me when Nemorth is at Y location” I get notified about that alert and can approve or reject it.

we also use it when we get the group call from school saying “your DD isn’t at class please reply with a reason” we look at FindMy see she is in the school building and explain that a mistake has been made (normally teacher has missed her at registration)

We’re not tracking, we’re location sharing. We only look where we all are on rare occasions.

It’s the device not the person.

The FindMy app is fully integrated into the Apple ecosystem it’s really helpful.

Trust, consent etc all key. For now our DC are happy to be part of our family sharing (it saves them money!) but in time I imagine they will want to establish their own “digital families” and might “move out”. That’s fine. I can foresee a time when DH and I are older that we get moved back in digitally, like we are currently sharing digitally with FIL.

My takeaway from this particular thread is why are people absolving their dps from any responsibility for letting them know when they’re due home? The “so I know when to put dinner on” posts are deeply depressing….

Yeah that’s just abusers, non abusers don’t sit and stalk their partners,

im surprised at the level of hyperbole, although I guess it is mumsnet. lol. I have no issue my husband seeing where I am, he doesn’t sit and stalk me, he has a life, and vice Versa, and the same for our daughter.

there is occassionally a time it is useful, did they get home safely, are they still in a meeting or on their way back, its a two second thing, thst in no way indicates you’ve suddenly turned into some mad stalker.

Isn’t it just easier to have a quick look? Instead of constant updates, train is late, traffic jam, whatever? I don’t need constant communication.

Dh and I had a system for years where he texted me when he set off. He almost always remembered but it didn’t work if traffic was bad, as it often is in summer (‘A’ road to the coast that really should be a dual carriageway, can back up for miles if there’s an accident.) When that happens he will often take a longer back route rather than sit in traffic, thus not having a chance to safely text his updated time without stopping.
Our system worked pretty well but Life360 works better.
I don’t see what’s depressing about that.

We share our locations via FindMy.

I rarely look at it other than to see where my husband is on his way home. Not so I can get his dinner on but so I know when I will get fed - he is the cook in our house. I occasionally look at it when he is doing the shopping to see if he is still at the supermarket if I think of something else I would like him to get but it is not so critical that I would want him to go back for it.

I have quite a few evening work events and he will look to see if I am on my way home before he heads to bed - if I am not far off he will stay up to see me when I get home.

All very mundane and not at all stalkerish. After 20+ years together we really have nothing to hide. I wouldn’t have liked it in a new relationship though.

My conclusion from this thread is that location sharing works for some people. Those people are happy with it but now understand that other people might not be. Some people don’t use it and don’t like the idea. So everyone is happy with their situation (unless I have missed the posts from people who are not). What I don’t understand is why some people are so desperate to convince people that location sharing is somehow sinister and threatening. Nobody is stalking anyone on this thread. The location sharers are not the paranoid ones.

Well, just using it to see when to put the dinner on seems innocuous enough, as does using it for safety reasons.

But university students and adult children? As I said upthread, would you want your pil to see where you were at all times?

There’s a book by Dave Eggars, The Circle, in which being 24/7 monitored goes pear-shaped. (Not the film - that’s dreadful.)

Tbf the book would be pretty dull if the monitoring didn’t go pear shaped.

I completely understand why some people would hate to feel monitored. I don’t understand the attempts to belittle people who think it’s useful.

We share location with my FIL (only surviving parent of DH and I) for his safety. However sharing location with him means he CAN see where we are at all times.

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. FIL probably doesn’t know how to use that particular app but he can ask his phone “hey siri where is Nemorth?” And his phone will tell him. That might be handy one day and it gives me, DH and SIL peace of mind that we know where he is, especially after his blackout.

Also, do people know that various social media apps allow location sharing and you have to be proactive to turn it off? I don’t allow my DD to share her location on Snapchat (or indeed any other app, other than FindMy) and we have conversations about the benefits/negatives of all apps that do this.

Depending on your social media usage some of you might be sharing location without even realising.

I would not accept a partner tracking me, therefore I would not expect to track them.

I don't think people are using it in this way 😂

Not really. Other behaviours can easily change day to day and are generally very fluid. Having a big project on at work, causing you to stay late for a few weeks. Gaining a few stone so joining a gym etc. you can even take up a hobby or whatever. All normal life stuff that's not really a 'change' in behaviour, just life.

But with tracking, that's something that once you've accepted it can't be undone without alarm bells? You can't put the genie back in the bottle so to speak.

Like I said, a slippery slope?

If your partner suddenly turned it off and said you can never see my location again, it'd sound suspicious. Plus what reason can they give? Any reason sounds suspicious. 'i want privacy' 'i don't want you to know where I am' 'ill tell you what I'm doing, you don't need to see.'

Just a thought. I've no dog in the fight.

I don't see what the issue is there really?

I work a standard 9 to 5, and do most of the cooking. (For reference, I'm also male, and DP is female.) DP's job involves visiting lots of shops, and what time she'll be home is dependant on how many calls she has that day, what traffic is like, what time she started. She could be home any time between about 4pm and 7pm, depending on how her day has gone.

So there's no point me starting dinner at 5:30 if she's not going to get home till 7. So she texts me about half an hour before she's due home and I start it then.

And yes, tracking would mean she didn't have to text me. But fuck that for a laugh, it's just weird.

Not really. Other behaviours can easily change day to day and are generally very fluid. Having a big project on at work, causing you to stay late for a few weeks. Gaining a few stone so joining a gym etc. you can even take up a hobby or whatever. All normal life stuff that's not really a 'change' in behaviour, just life.

Well no, because you've automatically given plausible reasons for those situations. And a plausible reason can exist for no longer sharing location – your tracking app was hacked in a scam, the app is glitchy and location information isn't accurate, your phone is too old to run latest app software, your child has worked out how to access and use info in a negative way ... the list goes on.

When habitual behaviours change without obvious cause or change with only sketchy plausibility, then that can still happen in many situations, not just behaviour with a tracking app.

A tracking app is a tool and only a tool, it's the behaviour surrounding the use of the tool that can be problematic or not.