My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

[Lotusflowerbombx]

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

I didn’t make my story up. You’re like a pack of wolves frothing at the mouth desperately trying to turn her husband into the worst person in the world. Desperate for her to turn her life upside down. No discussion about her actual situation. No interest in genuinely finding out more so as to actually help her resolve things. Shameful.

No, you're defending his actions and that, I think, is shameful. He literally said he'd leave her if she didn't wear a hijab. You are pretending he didn't say it to gaslight everyone. Others have offered her suggestions, advice and resources. All you do is defend his actions with wilful misrepresentation. I'm not going to allow you to gaslight me. I see you.

Most garments developed from practicality. Before central heating and indoor toilets and effective sanitary wear women wore big long skirts and scarves. It’s not ‘silly’ to say so. It is a bit ‘silly’ to dismiss other people’s views though isn’t it???

What does she need to find out? Her fake husband wants her to wear something she doesn't want to, and her fake husband will leave her if she doesn't do what he says. Fake husband will also disown his own daughter if she doesn't wear something he wants her to wear, irrespective of her thoughts on the matter.

He's a nasty piece of work, and using Islam as a shield either reveals:

A) The teachings and customs of Islam treat women abhorrently and this bloke is but a sheep; or
B) This man is a controlling bastard and is even more bastard for besmirching the name of a religion.

Its one or the other, the mental gymnastics to let this guy and Islam off the hook here is staggering.

Quite frankly he is a low life, he said he would disown his own daughter if she refused to wear what he wanted. That’s not a man, that’s low life scum behaviour. Anyone defending a man disowning his daughter over a piece of material needs to reassess priorities!

Dear Op, I hope you find peace in your life and that you are able to find a resolution and way forward. Im sorry that so many people here are just hellbent on proving how awful your husband is rather than asking you questions to help you figure things out. Id like to suggest that you find a therapist of some kind who can help you work things out in a clear and structured way.

He can believe whatever he wants, if he chooses to devote is life to some made up stories designed by a caravan trader to facilitate profitable access to the Mediterranean some 1500 years ago - totally with you, it’s up to him. But telling his wife she’ll be dumped if she doesn’t go along with a bunch of rules which sprang from misogyny and saying he will disown his daughter if she doesn’t bow down to his belief system is rightly being criticised! If your belief system tells you to disown family over a scarf, most sensible people would point out it’s wrong. If you have a belief system realise it’s personal and don’t expect people to live their lives in accordance with it. Otherwise it’s just a system of control backed up by threats.

I think it’s important so many people are saying how awful a man who says he will leave his wife and disown his daughter if they don’t do as he says. It needs to be spelled out loud and clear that this is not acceptable behaviour, it is abusive snd controlling behaviour pure and simple (in this case hiding behind the facade of religion).

Where I see a woman’s daughter being abused I will call it out. The answer to this is to leave and take the children as far away as she can from this abusive controlling man. His behaviour is not ok and it needs to be pointed out as many times as necessary to ensure everyone fully understands that.

Again, what does she need to find out? Specifically? Does she need stories about how other women have given in over time, or how they have been gaslit into believing it’s a good thing? Or about how she should obey her fake husband? Or about how she should really be believing a religion that she just doesn’t believe in her heart? Or even pious Muslim women are happy to?

Yes, this is right, sharia law has no power in Britain, it’s basically a dispute resolution between people who want to believe in it. It has zero power here (thank god) and if both parties don’t go along with it it means sweet FA here.

@Whysnothingsimple Im not debating or arguing on here. I hate that so many are just piling on. Have you noticed that the op has barely replied? None of you are actually providing helpful and compassionate guidance to her. You just have your own agenda.

Nope.

@fouroclockrock well what then? What does she need to find out?

actually she has been told repeatedly to leave her “husband” and take the kids. Sometimes the most compassionate advice might be hard to hear. Victims of cohesive domestic control often find it very difficult to face up to the situation and it’s important they’re shown what an awful situation they and their children are in. The first reaction is often denial but the kindest thing in the long run is to keep showing the true picture. This “man” is threatening his wife and child unless they live their lives according to his wishes. It is not ok, it is never ok. It needs to be called out not just for the benefit of the OP but for every woman who might be in a relationship with a similarly abusive/controlling person.

Saying he will leave his wife and disown his daughter unless the do what he wants tells us he’s a horrible abusive man. We shouldn’t let religion cloud this point. No person should disown their child because of religion, any sensible person would realise that any religion telling him to disown his child and leave his wife is a terrible thing.

Who she is, what a good life might look like to her, what her values, goals, non negotiables are, how she hoped her life would be pre marriage, etc etc. Im not going to keep commenting on here. Its all very one sided and far too overwhelming to be of any use to the op. I imagine she is ignoring this thread now which is a shame.

If your very devout Irish MIL threatened to disown her daughter because she was not dressed “modestly” enough then I would think she was a religious extremist . ( and I’m a practicing Catholic )

What are you saying ‘nope’ to? Your comment doesn’t make much sense.

Which bit of what I said was incorrect?

@CornishDaughteroftheDawn I can’t be bothered to comment on here anymore. You aren’t really interested in helping the op anyway.

Are you just here to shout at us?

It’s not a ‘pile on’, it’s a number of women reacting with consternation to OP reporting awful behaviour by her partner, the father of her children.

I’m sure everyone would react exactly the same if it was a Christian man of British origin threatening to leave his wife for not wearing a skirt when she didn’t want to, for example. I know I would. It is the behaviour we are calling out. His faith would not be relevant if he wasn’t using it to coerce OP into doing things she’s not comfortable with.

Do you find his behaviour acceptable? How do you think it will go if his daughter also doesn’t want to wear a hijab? When a man visits the mosque 5 times a day and is clearly an extremely devout Muslim, how amenable do you think he might be to his partner expressing her desire not to wear a hijab?

He has already said he would leave her and disown his daughter (presumably keeping his son) so I’m not sure where you think she can go with this? Are you advising her to talk him round? How has that gone for other partners of Muslim men?

Why you say that? I think we are very interested in helping OP. Women gaining courage to deal with an abusive relationship by talking and gaining perspective is very important. What is your proposal to help?

I think the op has barely returned since posting. Its an absolute pile on and it isnt me who is shouting. Good night!

What do you suggest the OP does?

No if he absconds to a Muslim country that enables the father to hide the children. Ever heard of Not without my daughter! , the book/movie?

hellbent on proving how awful your husband is

No need for any of us to 'prove' it. He has said he would abandon his OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, his daughter, if she won't cover her head.

That makes him absolute scum. His own words prove how awful he is. He is an extremist who instead of putting his family, his daughter, his flesh and blood first, he puts a religion first. Unlike the proper order of things where family comes first, religion last. That is so awful in itself. He said he would disown his own flesh and blood for not covering her head. How much more proof does anyone need, other than his own words?

Unless a man disowning his own daughter for not covering her head is.... acceptable to you?