My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

[Lotusflowerbombx]

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

I don’t think you read my message to the end - I suggested she find a group of women who have taken theirs off to support her.

Yes, I am aware of these things.

But what is relevant to the OP is what her husband, and presumably his mosque, live by and will allow.

He doesn't care what the Koran says about wearing a head covering - he said he would wash his hands of his daughter if she did not comply.
Can you imagine his reaction if his wife said she didn't want to wear it, and anyway it's not required by the Koran?! She, a woman, a convert, telling him what his religion does or does not require?! I don't think that would end well.

I think she is in a very difficult position re her children if she leaves. Her OH will be entitled to at least 50:50 time with them, and it's not unusual for very controlling religious men to take the children out of the country.

Some people do not do what the court says when it comes to children and sometimes a lot of other things!

Unfortunately, many women in unregistered Muslim ‘marriages’ submit to using so-called sharia ‘courts’, where religious clerics tell them that the man gets custody of the children. They often don’t know that these have no legal standing or they are told they ‘have to’ use them because they participated in an Islamic nikka, when this is not true. The nikka is not recognised in British law and nor is the decision of a religious cleric. British law puts children first and aims to protect children and their mothers from abuse. If it’s deemed in the children’s best interest, it can restrict the father access to the children to supervised visits.

Unfortunately many mosques in Britain have been taken over by extremists with connections to the Muslim brotherhood. This is why the UAE have suspended financial support for their citizens to study in Britain. They don’t want them exposed to the extremist islamic ideology being peddled here.

Here’s hoping she had a good support network and even if she doesn’t she seeks some support (there are some great organisation to support women) and make the decision which is in her and her daughters best interest - in the long term 🤞he may appease her now but when her daughter hits puberty he will use same points to get her to cover up too which is not healthy or right.

What?

That is concerning. Op make sure you are aware of this. Put your dc first.

I'm well aware, I'm a family lawyer dealing mainly with divorce/children matters. As I said, I cannot see on what basis jurisdiction could be established in any other court.

I appreciate you say some women are duped into thinking they must follow Sharia courts, although I don't have any data on this and do not know of any actual cases - perhaps you do since you say many women submit to using these courts. I would expect that a British woman would be aware that the rules of the religion they have married into would not take precedence over the laws of the country they have always lived in, but maybe you can tell me otherwise.

And until we do he is not an extremist.

This isn’t ok to write. This is a common interpretation many Muslims live with, to decide they are just controlling men and it’s unacceptable isn’t ok. Other people have religious beliefs. Christianity has some very extreme ones,most religions do, it doesn’t mean you get to become abusive as you don’t agree.

Is the OP, his "wife" not an "other person" ? Do you regard her as belonging to him or an extension of himself? Because he is explicitly enforcing his religious views on her.

(To be fair, I am a Catholic and I ask that my husband go to Mass twice a year, he committed to it before we got marriee. But I think it's hardly comparable as we are talking 3 hours a year and I would never leave him if he started to refuse!)

Hey, my family are majority Muslim. I know many Muslim people, none of whom are controlling/extreme etc. Maybe my post wasn't clear but I certainly wasn't saying muslims are controlling nor that controlling men don't exist in other religions (or indeed non religious men). I agree this is an unfair view which Muslims unfairly have to put up with. I was saying that this specific person sounds somewhat controlling (i.e. saying he would cut off his daughter if she didn't wear hijab), and that it sounds like he is attributing that to his religious beliefs, but in reality this view is not reflective of islam.

Meaning people do not always follow the law.

Ok, thanks for the information lol. Unsure why you felt the need to inform me. Never knew people do not always follow the law (!)

The point i was making badly is that we can say Sharia law has no place in Uk etc, however it might do within the devout sector of the Muslim community , so it could be difficult to be protected by the uk courts re children

No, it isn't difficult at all... OP could simply make her own application in E&W and literally ignore anything that is agreed in any non-binding religious court. It would not be difficult in the slightest to be 'protected' by the courts in E&W.

That was my point. The fact there is no legal UK marriage is lucky. @Lotusflowerbombx could simply walk out and take her kids with her although, as I have posted previously, she needs to take extreme precautions commensurate with this particular situation.

What if he just takes the children and the community protect him and restrict her access. She would have to have the resilience and money to battle against him.

I didnt expect this post the get the attention it has but my husband is none of the things he been made out to be on here, the simple explanation is if I take my hijab off he’s willing the end the relationship, he’s not gonna kill me or hurt me or try to take the kids. He’s not a bad person he’s a good dad and a good husband and if we were to break up we would just share custody of the kids and I have no problem with that. Islam comes first for him, that’s how it goes and if my daughter ended up not believing in it and he reacts then that’s his problem I would always be there for her, he wouldn’t lay hands on her or anyone. I wrote this last night when I was in a state just so upset by it all knowing I need to choose between my husband and my hijab and it’s upsetting! I appreciate all the genuine advice. I’m safe and so are my kids, I just have a hard decision to make x

Pl speak to one of those groups listed upthread for Muslim women.

Firstly, what do you mean by ‘extremist’?

Secondly, what do you think is not extreme about his views about women and girls and what do you think the odds are that he only thinks his ‘wife’ and daughter should wear the hijab, rather than all ‘decent’ women (from his reasoning)?

I'm sure your husband is 'not like that' but if you did ever decide to ditch the hijab ( which you won't and he knows this), he might not turn out to be so great. A lot of women thought their husband would 'be fine' until they weren't.

So he says to your 10 year old daughter "wear a hijab" and the daughter says no. What happens then?

PS what makes it "your" hijab if you don't want to wear it?

I'm not going to engage with these strange hypotheticals save for to say that as I said, she would be able to make an application to the court for the children to be returned.