Do you think this man only wanted sex?

[gloriousday34]

Do I forget this one and move on?

So. Long story short guy at thr gym was looking at me intensely for a good week. We exchanged lots of glances. Finally on Friday he speaks to me. We were parked next to each other. We got talking about work and what we do. He said look I think you’re attractive and I’d like your number if we can do something on Sunday let’s grab a coffee. We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean. We then talked about coffee again and he said listen I’ll let you know if anything changes and . I said yes perfect (at this point I had a weird feeling he’d flake) . I would love that. Swapped numbers. He texted me as soon as he got in thr car to leave with his name and a “x” Liked all my instagram stories of me and my outfits etc. we texted a bit but nothing too deep over Friday and Saturday. Anyway. This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this.

I just feel a bit confused. What did I do wrong?? What did I say or do. I nearly said when are you next free but then thought no actually he should be the one saying that to me!!

my question is, shall I let him go and forget about it because clearly he’s not putting any ounce of effort in here.or do I offer him thr benefit of my doubts

Other random parts of convo: he shook my hand and I jokingly said, shake my hand firmly, he asked what I do at weekends usually I just said I’d go out with mates but most are starting to settle and marry now so I don’t see them as much, I said look ive been single 4 years now and sex is accessible anywhere he then said yeah but when 2 people are dating and attracted sex is natural and I said yeah of course that’s a given. He shook my hand and side hugged me after and we left. He liked all my instagram posts and we messaged very pointlessly over 2 days then he pulls out randomly. Idk I just felt a little let down i dont get what I said or did?

Tldr; was kinda looking forward to a date. He backs out because he has "bits and bobs" to do which quite honestly ive never heard anyone use that one. Was he just after sex or? I say this because I reckon if it was important he’d come back with another day

Bits and bobs = another woman who’s more available and willing to drop her knickers or cba because I seem high maintenance

That’s a cheap shot.

Either way the right person would want to get to know you. The massage therapist comment is icky ewww

I read it as he was attracted to you but then after a conversation realised there wasn't a spark. No fault either side and no harm done.

Both of you can move on now. Get through the first few awkward smiles at the gym and then give it no more thought.

Then why did he text across 2 days?

More puzzlingly, @Anyahyacinth, is how he was eyeing her up for a week at her gym and then asked her out there on the Friday when at the same time she was also away on holiday with a friend on another of her threads.

Don't waste your time, folks.

My point exactly. Messaged me randomly over thr two days then was probably not interested and thought forget it. She’s not taking th convo in the direction I want it to go in

I meant thr week prior my head was confused why would I waste time making up a story. My life is shit enough i dont need to make a post for random people to remind me it’s shit. That makes no sense.

👀

Oh are you the poster from last year who was going on a date with someone (can’t remember the details) but then it didn’t happen and then you were very ‘well I didn’t want to go anyway, he’s just a loser’?

Anyone else remember that? Last summer? That poster lived with her mum I think?

Did the guy who eyed you up in the gym, chatted you up in the car park and immediately turned the conversation sexual, asked you out and then cancelled with a lame excuse when it was clear you weren’t up for a quick bunk up…only want you for sex?

I think you know the answer.

what🤣

Yes I agree with this. He still look your number but reflected on it later.

combined with after chatting for a few days he’s decided not to pursue it. Reread your chat. Did you come across defensive or negative? Especially in implying “he’s one of those guys”

delete him and move on.

This. Don’t invest anymore time thinking about him, literally not worth it. Next!

I remember and this was what I was thinking!

But from what I remember they DID eventually go on a date and the OP was gleefully rubbing it in ppl’s faces, after swearing he was the ugliest most unattractive little squirt with a shit job (and bad teeth) but this was all forcefully forgotten when he answered after a day or 2 longer than OP was happy with and he went from public enemy no1 to Sir Lancelot/ Brad Pitt.

Wonder what happened next…

All this ruminating is ridiculous when you just don’t know. What you do know…

1. he found you attractive in the gym
2. you had a carpark chat which you were both fairly weird in and you both liked each other a bit less
3. you had some text chat where he clearly liked you even less
4. ge no longer wanted the date and rejected you

that is all you actually know.

if it makes you feel better to assume he only wanted sex and to pretend that you were the one who rejected him, go wild.

its not actually what happened though.

Anyway OP, just concentrate on the equipment next time you’re in the gym and forget him. No need to ignore him or be rude, just let the whole thing pass you by.

Oh, was that the “author”?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5457202-ghosted-after-a-great-first-date-best-response?page=1

found it!

That rings a bell. They were an interesting character to say the least…

If he wanted to see you he would see you. It's as simple as that.

In future I would also avoid introducing the topic of sex into early conversations with men. It sounds like you were the one who brought it up first (also, this is a pretty intense response to "what do you do at weekends?"):

he asked what I do at weekends usually I just said I’d go out with mates but most are starting to settle and marry now so I don’t see them as much, I said look ive been single 4 years now and sex is accessible anywhere he then said yeah but when 2 people are dating and attracted sex is natural and I said yeah of course that’s a given.

This! You were lower on his list of priorities than ‘bits n bobs’! He didn’t even have the decency to make up an emergency like his mother has been rushed to hospital!. letting you down at the last minute for anything other than an emergency is an absolute no-no. My flaps would be fully retracted for that alone. Don’t twist yourself into a pretzel trying to find reasons why he didn’t follow through. He’s not interested, he’s just playing you. Bin him off.

I actually laughed a bit. Bits and bobs to do. Like literally lie ans say sorry something just cropped up. But no I got bits n bobs🤣🤣🤣