Do you think this man only wanted sex?

[gloriousday34]

Do I forget this one and move on?

So. Long story short guy at thr gym was looking at me intensely for a good week. We exchanged lots of glances. Finally on Friday he speaks to me. We were parked next to each other. We got talking about work and what we do. He said look I think you’re attractive and I’d like your number if we can do something on Sunday let’s grab a coffee. We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean. We then talked about coffee again and he said listen I’ll let you know if anything changes and . I said yes perfect (at this point I had a weird feeling he’d flake) . I would love that. Swapped numbers. He texted me as soon as he got in thr car to leave with his name and a “x” Liked all my instagram stories of me and my outfits etc. we texted a bit but nothing too deep over Friday and Saturday. Anyway. This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this.

I just feel a bit confused. What did I do wrong?? What did I say or do. I nearly said when are you next free but then thought no actually he should be the one saying that to me!!

my question is, shall I let him go and forget about it because clearly he’s not putting any ounce of effort in here.or do I offer him thr benefit of my doubts

Other random parts of convo: he shook my hand and I jokingly said, shake my hand firmly, he asked what I do at weekends usually I just said I’d go out with mates but most are starting to settle and marry now so I don’t see them as much, I said look ive been single 4 years now and sex is accessible anywhere he then said yeah but when 2 people are dating and attracted sex is natural and I said yeah of course that’s a given. He shook my hand and side hugged me after and we left. He liked all my instagram posts and we messaged very pointlessly over 2 days then he pulls out randomly. Idk I just felt a little let down i dont get what I said or did?

Tldr; was kinda looking forward to a date. He backs out because he has "bits and bobs" to do which quite honestly ive never heard anyone use that one. Was he just after sex or? I say this because I reckon if it was important he’d come back with another day

Just wanted to see if he could get your number and you’d reply to his messages. No intention of anything. Just games. He likely does this ALL the time

Ewe. Bit crude OP. Not being funny but why was sex even mentioned when exchanging numbers!? Seems off.

We talked about various things like weekend plans and he also said im a liscenced massage therapist too. So I said oh god dont be one of those guys. Intimacy is accessible anywhere now days you need to have a connection with women. Be then said yeah yeah I know what you mean.

This is weird. Was that not his main job? Did he mention this after he said he was an accountant, as a sort of joke or sexual invitation do you think? If so I can understand your next remark and then him sheepishly agreeing with you. If not, and he was a genuine massage therapist, then it seems a bit odd all round. Or did he mean ‘too’ as in YOU’RE the licensed massage therapist? So confusing.

It was a sleazy line to touch me. He works a totally different job

I noticed @gloriousday34 hadn't answered. Yes, this is definitely a repost from earlier in the day.

I can tell you. He served his purpose of getting your details. He doesn't want to date you but will sleep with you if the opportunity arises. Be weary. He probably does this a lot and has a long list of women

The context of your post makes sense then as this wasn’t clear from the OP. I’d say he was assuming you were interested in him from the eye contact and wanted to gauge if you’d be up for an easy sexual encounter. He probably has a wife/gf and wanted something simple - not a long drawn-out courtship which he probably guessed would be involved with you, and the fact you gave him a hard time and called him out probably made him realise he’d underestimated you and you are intelligent and would be ‘high maintenance’.

Obviously not worth your time unless he was a bit clueless and the comment he made was a stupid joke. But you can usually tell if there’s something behind it which you did. Forget about him and ignore if and when you see him next. He’ll probably be making eyes at someone else the next time or moving on to another gym.

He liked the look of you, spoke to you and didn’t really feel it. It’s not that deep.

Everything aside, you deserve better than a first meet up flake out. He’s not the one.

Other random parts of convo: he shook my hand and I jokingly said, shake my hand firmly, he asked what I do at weekends usually I just said I’d go out with mates but most are starting to settle and marry now so I don’t see them as much, I said look ive been single 4 years now and sex is accessible anywhere he then said yeah but when 2 people are dating and attracted sex is natural and I said yeah of course that’s a given. He shook my hand and side hugged me after and we left. He liked all my instagram posts and we messaged very pointlessly over 2 days then he pulls out randomly. Idk I just felt a little let down i dont get what I said or did?

Please don’t be insulted, but you asked for comments - are you ND or think you might be? Your social interaction seemed a little off. You were someone who was exchanging sexy eye contact with him over the course of a week then seem to appear quite cold and critical when you were talking in the CP.

You criticised his handshake (jokingly to you but eh may not have caught this), shot him down when he joked about being a massage therapist (he may have said it to break the ice or be silly but thought you were lecturing him and telling him off), told him your close friends were all getting married (which may have been a red flag to him that you’d be looking to settle down with someone quickly yourself) and said you’d been single ‘4’ (is that for or four?) years - which could potentially be another red flag to him - why have you been single? Bc you aren’t bothered about relationships? Bc men don’t want you? Bc you don’t like/aren’t bothered about sex? Or exclusively have casual sex without relationships? These are rhetorical questions but maybe what was running through this guys heads and are possible reasons why he cancelled your date.

Most ppl aren’t as upfront/ unfiltered as this on their initial encounter with someone - it’s not a criticism but one of the many social ‘norma’ that ppl aren’t expected to abide by, that can be confusing and frustrating to ppl who are ND, which is why I asked. You seem genuinely confused so this is a possible reason.

I’d forget about him unless you think it was a genuine case of cross wires and you really liked him etc.

Social ‘norms’ that ppl are expected to abide by - sorry, autocorrect strikes again

Ok honestly this is what you do -

Give basically FUCK ALL attention to anything still at these stages. You and some bloke were eyeballing, you had a quick (slightly weird - your flirting is not great) chat and gave him your number. He didn't commit to the date.

This isn't even off the starting blocks. You should be wasting no brain power on anyone until you're a few dates in.

I wouldn't have kept my Sunday schedule clear with nothing confirmed in place. Why should I be at a loose end?

This is nothing. Keep going with your own life, work, gym and if your friends are settled and busy (why would you tell him this?) then find other people or things to do.

I'm serious. You will never get to be the age you are today again. Your circumstances may change and you may not only have yourself to prioritise. Focus on yourself and if someone great comes along who fits in with it all then welcome him but don't be sitting around waiting for texts or pointlessly analysing conversations in car parks.

Good luck OP.

Your view and attitude towards men you don’t even know is really odd.

Life happens, perhaps he had stuff to do and put it such a way.
Taking it way to seriously. .a gym guy hitting on you is bound to be a shallow way to meet someone..is he dating others?

My thoughts too!

Well it sounds as if he waant after sex otherwise he would have been round like a shot.
Just move on

This morning I got “hey im not gonna be able to do today ive just got some bits and bobs to do” so I just said “that’s alright. No worries x” because I’m not going to beg for this

I don't know how he could scream 'I'm just not that into you' any louder than this.

NO man gives up spending time with an attractive woman he's really into just because he has bits & bobs to do 😂Jesus. You are just something he might pick up at his convenience and if he had nothing more exciting going on.

I think you should restrict him on Instagram in some way like hiding your stories, otherwise he'll keep liking them and you'll keep thinking there's some future to this when there isn't.

Sounds like youve decided hes a creep while simultaneously being attracted to him. Its weird.

Agree with pp that he liked the look of you in the gym but the chat / in person vibes were off. Not surprising given your comments here.

Why have you posted this again? Some random guy at the gym - is he really worth multiple posts? Take hint and move on, OP.

This is all quite odd, OP- are you giving the full story? When you say the massage thing was a "sleazy line to touch me" and that it isn't his job, is that something you know or something you're guessing? It's really unclear from how you describe the exchange.

You sound quite combative and hostile and I'd guess that's what put him off. But never mind, doesn't sound as if you were a good match.

I'm confused OP.

You say he'd been looking at you intensely for a good week and on Friday he finally spoke to you.

Friday was 29th May.

Yet on Thursday 28th May you had another thread and were "currently away with a friend" on holiday who made a comment that upset you.

How could this guy at the gym that you've posted about twice have been staring at you all week and spoke to you on Friday if you're away on holiday?

Your assertion of how easily accessible sex is to you might have put him off.

Maybe he thought if you're getting it so easily somewhere, maybe he isnt that interested

Think the chat in the car park isn t the issue, most first conversations can be a bit awkward. Allowing access to your socials.???
He ll have a glimpse of your personality there.
Whatever it was it was enough to prevent him from wanting to meet you for coffee.

Well, if it was (which sounds like a stretch to me), why are you so upset that Mr Sleaze flaked on you?

I think this guy has dodged a bullet tbh