Husband said he could get a prettier woman than me

[Suzy25]

Hi everyone. My husband was in a bad mood and said something out of character. He said that he could get a prettier woman than me if he wanted and that he gets chatted up randomly when he’s out. He said he turns them down but I feel really insecure since he’s said this. Any ideas on why he said such a thing? Also how do I go about this? Thank you.

I read this thing about how relationships where there is greater variance in attractiveness are often more likely to lead to divorce due to resentment. This isn’t going to get better, he’s trying to make you feel sorry for him. It’s pathetic.

That's a weird thing to say. Like he's negging you.
It says more about him than it does about you.

He said it to knock you off balance. Find your balance, and then tell him what you really think.

He sounds like he’s trying to make you feel insecure to match him. Horrible thing to do, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who chose to put me down and try and make me feel bad about myself just because they did.

I will say though, I’m not suprised hes insecure if everyone is always telling him he’s out of your league. That’s just a version of “you’re too ugly for her” “she should/could/has get a better looking man than you” “she’s better than you” and it’s disrespectful and rude to say to people, you hearing it once from him has dented your self esteem, sounds like he’s has many of your social circle been doing it to him, how did you both handle the people speaking to him like that?

My friend had a couple of her husbands mates tell her that she was punching above her weight, or that he was out of her league when she first started dating him and her husband ended the friendship because he saw it as very hurtful and disrespectful to someone he loves.

I'd assume he meant that he could divorce you and marry another woman who offers him all of the benefits and advantages that you do in terms of your relationship/life together but is also prettier (which is a subjective measure, so let's say someone he finds more physically attractive). I can't say whether this is likely or not, but if I were him I would not want to gamble that I 100% could.

What's more worrying is that he thinks that multiple random women who interact with him pleasantly (or even flirt with him obviously) are willing to ... what? Have sex with him? Be his girlfriend? Marry him? The fact that he says he is "turning down" these women makes it sound like he might be a delusional. I'd be temped to ask him to wear a wire for a day so that I could independently verify all of these propositions and refusals myself before discussing the matter further.

Seriously, the very fact that he used the term "get a woman" suggests to me that he might have a really unattractive, transactional, objectifying approach to relationships and potential partners.

It’s your husband that’s insecure. You shouldn’t be.

Wrong thread?
(Sounds like an answer to the 'SiL making comments about clothes' one).

I honestly could never forgive him for this. He knows saying that is always going to stick in the back of your mind. What a twat.

He’s sorry until the next time and there will be a next time! Tell him to fuck off and find his ‘pretty woman’.

This ^

Honesty I would tell him off u fuck and get her then, and then his bags would be out on the street. What an absolute arsehole!!! Get rid of him now and
get with someone who doesn’t have to bring u down to make himself feel better!!! like ask yourself why….really really why he would say something like that…why he thinks it’s ok to say something like that to you……what’s the motive?? Something deeper going on here with him. Brings sleeping with the enemy vibes down the line.

Same. Why men think they can still act/say/do things like this with no repercussions blows my mind. Get him away to fuck. Absolute prick

I think your update does put a slightly different spin on things tbh - do you shut down the comments about being out his league/the male attention? Because if not your not really much better then he is and the whole things just really toxic....

I would tell him to pack his bags and get on with finding someone ''prettier''...

Don't waste your time with an insecure and immature man.

id turn around and say go on then, basically call his bluff…he’s an asshole for mentioning it and n even bigger one if he leaves.

“Bye bye then sweetie, off you go and don’t let the door hit you on your arse on the way out.”

Looking back, what other shitty things has he said to you over the years?

Tell him you have had several offers from men with bigger dicks. Walk away and leave him to wonder how you know.

What a nasty spiteful git. Are you sure you want to spend your life with such a Prince?

The only response was that you could find a man with a bigger penis without trying hard at all.
Get rid op. He's a twat.

That's worse than just being said in anger to me. He has been hurt by similar comments himself and wants to drag you down to, in order to boost himself. That's horrid.
But I am interested to know what you did to reassure him "everyone" was wrong and it really was him you wanted. If you've laughed along or agreed, even in jest, I'm not surprised he's resentful and you both need to recognise when to walk.

I’m sure you could get a kinder man than him (which would have been my reply)

The thing is looks wise everyone has always said I’m out of his league to him so he’s insecure. It might not have been unreasonable of him to make that comment to people who say that to him, but assuming you don’t, there is no excuse for him to say it to you.

My ex told me just after we got engaged that his ex wanted him back. I asked what he was going to do and he said he wasn't sure because she was earning more money than I was.

Why? To make you feel insecure. He's negging you because he's insecure as a man and tearing you down is easier than building himself up.

This doesn't just come out of nowhere. There's a nasty and controlling and manipulative mindset behind it.

It's the opposite of treating a partner with love and respect. If this is a one-off, I'd sit down and tell him you won't tolerate being treated so disrespectfully and that if it happens again, it's separation time. Maybe he can work on the areas his insecurity is coming from.

But if it's not a one off, your marriage has contempt and disrespect instead of emotional connection and is unlikely to last.

How old are you two?

Continue with the divorce @Suzy25

Insecurity is not a justification for being a cunt.

He is twisting it to make you feel sorry for him and question your interpretation of the interaction. That is gaslightling and it is abuse.

I’d reply “crack on”