Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

His ex decided she was into women and left. Presumably she made the choice to split up the family so he has every right to move forward... HTH

are they engaged?

Apparently very soon after giving birth

an unlikely story

Things may be running smoothly enough for you adults right now, but don’t you think the four children you already have between you are going to get fed up of being shifted about between two homes constantly, week and after week, term after term, with no let up. I honestly don’t know how children can live like that without some level of stress. It’s dehumanising to have to conform to such a transient lifestyle to suit two parents who no longer live together. You sound as if you are working things out and doing your absolute best but you also describe it as chaotic at times, -when children actually thrive best on the opposite ….certainty, order, clarity and reliability.

I hate to sound harsh, but they sound like parcels instead of sentient little humans when you say they are returned to you on a Sunday morning.

I would concentrate on doing the very best for the children you already have between you. Save up all your energy to support their emotional well being and to helping them adjust if and when things start to unravel a bit. You only have so many hours in a day and you are spreading yourselves quite thin as it is, with four young children to consider.
All the best with your decision OP.

It happens.. 🤷

Not nearly as often as you seem to be implying.

This
Too many complications and potential confusion for the children who are all so young.

I wanted to add as another posted pointed out , regardless of having the finances and room etc imagine if the child has a disability. One of my children is disabled and it's really difficult. Most people wouldn't even think about it unless they have been in that situation or know someone who has but two things I always tell people to consider when having a baby no matter the circumstances is 1) what if the child is disabled and 2) what if you end up a single parent or actually 3) they are disabled and you end up a single parent.
Hope it all works out whatever you decide.

We are on an anonymous site so there isn't a reason for the OP to actually lie. If she is lying who knows? But I am taking her at her word and if that is the circumstances which I have no reason to believe it's not them yeah he has every right to move on.

I agree with @Lillers , you have time on your side so there's no need to make this decision now. Wait a couple more years and revisit it.

Honestly, in your shoes I wouldn't have another child though. Life will only get busier with pre-teens/teenagers!

Yes. Totally crazy. Don’t. Enjoy the child free moments you have.

Yes I think waiting a few years is definitely the way to go.

People just like to judge - as this thread shows!

His ex left him and he has his
kids weekly on a 50:50 schedule so he’s already shown good qualities.

But people are right that you need a few yearly life cycles before having more.

But if you want more and can afford it there’s no reason you shouldn’t.

They wear rings, but I have the impression that they're only used to signify that they're in a permanent relationship.

Having said that, I recall that one set of parents did marry when their older children were seniors. One of the girls wrote about it for her English coursework.

"It was the day we'd all been waiting for. After 16 years of living happily together, my parents had decided to get married."

There was a detailed description of the bride's gown and veil, the dresses worn by their four daughters - the bridesmaids - and of the 'cute kilt outfit' worn by their page boy, their only son.

The sentence which meant that I had to contain my laughter was: "Dad stayed over at my gran's, because it's unlucky to see the bride the night before the wedding."

Well I had six and it was fine, and we had fewer bedrooms. The kids are all incredibly close. Two are currently on holiday together, two are having a games evening and DS2 (DC5) is taking DD4 (DC6) out for her birthday on Thursday. Its was chaotic at times but to be honest once you get to three you are so used to making systems that work and making the use of time so each kid gets equal priority than the ones after that slot in as you already have everything organised.

That said, I agree that its quite early to be thinking about another baby, I would leave it at least another two years and see how you feel then.

Any of them step siblings?

So he's looking for childcare for his 2, and you're thinking about adding to this mess?. Wait 4 yrs and see how you feel.

I can understand people who don’t already have kids of their own wanting a child if they get together with someone who already has children. You both have two each. You have children to love and nurture and pour your energy into. When they’re older teens/grown up you will be free to do stuff together with your partner. If you tried now he’d be 49/50 when they were still 10. I’m 48 and wouldn’t want to be parenting a 10 year old now. I know people do…but is that necessary when there are already 4 kids?

I wouldn't. I am one of five and still feel a bit sad that I never had any regular hobbies, rarely got a proper bedtime story, parents were spread thin between 5 kids etc. They did their best but it wasn't what I want for my own child. I have one, will likely have one more and stop there for this reason.

You have 4 children under 10, who will need a lot of support over the next 15+ years. You have a very new partner who, arguably, you barely know. The children's lives have already been turned upside down. Why on earth would you want to bring a baby into this?

I think one of the main 'problem' areas in a blended family - is that when children behave in a 'difficult' way - ie. become tweens/ teens rather than cute little 5 / 7 year olds - it's naturally a lot harder for a non biological parent to cope with tthat.

You haven't reached those points yet - and you don't know where the stress will sit in the family.

AS someone above said, do not add stress into a fairly new blended family. There may well be enough challenges to take all your energy.

It is of course natural you want to have a child with a man you are in love with but I would say hold on for now.

A person once told me that you should never have more children than hands. You and your husband have 4 hands. You have enough.

I'd wait a while, give it 3-4 years and then see how you feel. You already have a large complicated family

just to add... as a mum of two non sleepers. THINK ABOUT THE SLEEP!!!!!!!!

I can't wait for the day my children are able to wake up and go about their business without me having to be awake lol. 4am starts are dreadful.

I can't imagine waiting all that time for sleep to have to be up again through the night and early as fuck starts.

just saying.

For me it was when the novelty wore off. Sounds awful but my exes daughter was initially a cute 4yo who I was enjoying getting to know. 2 years later I just couldn't be arsed trying to help raise someone else's kids. I had no emotional attachment to her. Found her annoying. Just wasn't for me anymore. Wasn't the reason we broke up but I wouldn't do it again. Maybe that's just the way I am though (adore my son, not that interested in kids who aren't related to me).

Too many people on the planet. You've both contributed more than enough between you.

Huge thread about neets going. Think about the future they'll have. Not short termism