Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

Apparently this is the bare minimum?

Anything less and they can complain to Childline about you.

Why on earth would you want to have a child with someone when you both have track records of failed relationships with the parents of your existing children? If this one goes the same route then that’s just throwing more drama into the lives of children who have been through it all before.

NO. Step away from the penis. You don't need to legitimise this relationship by having another one.

Are you multimillionaires? If so go for it. Otherwise no.

This stood out to me also. So child was 1 when they split, wow! I would be concerned about having kids with him tbh.

He has 2 children age 3 and 5 , you have been in a relationship 2 years , not good odds for another child !!

I really wouldn’t. You have 4 children between you, give them the best family life that you can.

Nah, don't do that. You and your children have enough to deal with already.

For all those asking his ex left him as per my previous post, crazy how there’s so many LTB posts on here and no one believes a woman actually did LTB.. for a woman😂

You may be just able to manage now, what about in 2, 5 and say 10 years time and what can happen betweeen now and then?

Sounds like a recipe for disaster

Hell no. I think you'd be mad. Concentrate on the kids you've got.

I'm still married to original DH and have four children spaced slightly further apart than your four. I wouldn't add another child to the mix; as well as difficulties balancing the psychological needs of the existing four DC in your family you can't afford to forget that you have the teenage years coming up. You're going to have 16 year of adolescence, constant exams and college costs. This puts a huge load on any family and I'd imagine that it could be even harder in a blended family.
My children are all adult now, youngest is 40, and I remember those years as amongst the hardest of my life. And before anyone says "but weren't they rewarding" I'll say no, I had so much to do, every day, that I never felt that I was doing anything well enough.

The op has said that the Mum changed her preferences and left him for a woman.

I didnt comment on him leaving someoen because I understand that relationships end and move on, not unusual, but I did comment on how quickly you two got together given the young age of all your children but his in particular

Im not sure thats good for kids to be honest.

Oh ok that's very 2026. I still don't think it's a good idea.

Concentrate on the children you have - massive upheaval for them in no time at all.

Exactly. I always think back on my poor friend whose life was turned upside down when her father moved a new partner with 3 daughters in. Suddenly she’s sharing a bedroom with three girls she hardly knew, AND they went on to have a baby between them. Her poor brothers were crammed into a box room.

I understand OPs housing situation is very different, but the emotional effect on kids can be awful.

“AmITotallyBonkers · Yesterday 21:19
What I’ve taken from all this is, give it a few years and see. I’d say we’re currently both attentive parents with happy kids make the most of it. Edit to confirm the marriage debate, we’ll do it one day… not any time soon.”

@AmITotallyBonkers - yes, that’s the most sensible way to proceed. Both sets of DCs have already been through a huge amount of upheaval. They don’t need a baby added to that and, given your age and the fact you’ve already had children (my understanding is that you’re more likely to conceive as an older parent if you have already had children), time is on your side.

He’s clearly not a great judge of character then.

You're still young, leave it another year or so then revisit the idea of a 5th child. You obviously don't have financial constraints, but the existing children's emotional wellbeing and stability is most important right now.

Oh yes its definitely his fault his wife left him

Just like Im sure you say the same about all the women who are deceived and left by their husbands/partners?

Are you for real ? Do you think his ex cheating with a woman and lying about being gay is this his fault ! Come on

No I would not, the situation is complex enough. I’d focus on giving the children I had the best childhood I could.

Whenever I read these posts I am reminded that there are so many people who must like kids more than I do. If you can afford it, fuck it, your body can take the strain of a pregnancy, go for it.

I understand the logic of what you're saying...but many people round my way now insist on referring to their 'fiancé' rather than their 'partner'. It should mean that there's an intention to marry, but it doesn't always.

I used to see quite a lot of it among parents when I was still teaching in a secondary school.