Page 7 | Proposal - he has a ring but I’m sick of waiting

CurlyOldGirly · 2026-05-28T20:48:13+00:00

I know that proposals aren’t the be all and end all. But I am desperate to marry my partner and so is he (so he says pretty much every day). Ring exists because I’ve come across it when I saw the box in his suitcase when we went on holiday last year. But we had issues on holiday (not with each other) with our villa so i can see why he didn’t do it there. We had a few days of just being super disappointed with certain problems we had with our holiday let and then I had an allergic reaction to something so literally there wasn’t a window that I know he could have used. he has said when it happens he wants to do it properly. He knows I don’t care for a massive show and I don’t want money being spent to make it happen. I really hate stuff like that. All I want is some thought. I’m just at a point now where I’m getting more and more pissed that he hasn’t managed to just work out a romantic way to do it. I’m not asking for instagram worthy, just take me on a trip to a bloody lake or a pretty looking forest that’s free to visit and get down on a knee or something. i don’t want this bogus thing of me asking him or him just asking me at home. This is the only thing I’ve actually ever wanted in our relationship to be just a little bit special. I’ve been married before and it was all pretty shit and I was never made to feel loved the way I wished to be. DP is so loving and affectionate, I can’t understand why he hasn’t just bitten the bullet or even found a way to make it happen what do I say to him? Should I have a chat with him? because it’s been 9 months since he knew I saw the ring and I’m just getting fed up. I’m getting to a point where I just question if he even wants this any more. Gosh I’m sorry this is long, I guess I needed to vent more than I thought I did.

rainbowstardrops · 29/05/2026 16:06

Oh I do feel for you. In your mind, you haven’t asked for much but in his mind, you’ve asked for the world! Nothing too flashy or public but has to be special etc etc. If I was him, I’d be worried that I hadn’t met your expectations and you’d be disappointed. Hopefully things will move forward now.
As an aside, me and my now DH went on holiday to Scotland and unbeknownst to me, he intended to propose. But things didn’t go to plan and he ended up proposing on a garage forecourt before we left Scotland. He hadn’t even bought me a ring so at least your bloke is more organised than mine was!
He continues to be less than thoughtful at times but hey ho.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 29/05/2026 16:21

Pigeonpoodle · 29/05/2026 14:22

The difference in your case is that there was answer to the “then what?” question which resulted in you getting engaged anyway!

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Fair enough. I simply meant that timelines can work for couples.

we had a fairly long proposal, had a super small civil wedding this winter and we’ll have the religious wedding / big party this summer.

we had a long engagement😅 The proposal was fairly spontaneous and not particularly long…

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 29/05/2026 16:52

CurlyOldGirly · 28/05/2026 22:27

I agree. I’ve always been that type of person where the place doesn’t matter. The person does.

But he knows it’s the only thing I’ve actually ever spoken to him about. The only thing I’ve said I’d love to have.

We have had so many moments that could have been perfect. We went to Scotland recently (my idea but I wouldn’t have cared) where we stopped in the highlands and had breathtaking views around us. We went to see our favourite band, I thought he would do it there (but not in front of everyone). Went to a festival and camped which was a first for me ever as I’ve neither been to a festival nor camped and I had the time of my life and he organised that all. Went to a country gig (we are not really country fans) but the artist had an incredibly beautiful love song we have loved for years and he could have asked while that was happening. Went and saw an old classic movie in the cinema, my favourite film of all time, even that would have been the perfect place.

So I don’t need a moment to be made. I just wish some of those were used.

Maybe I am asking for too much. I can’t stop seeing the words another poster typed up thread about showing he wanted to he would have by now

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I think he's making these beautiful memories and you are finding them wanting because you are looking for him to 'make' something of these moments, but the moments are to be cherished for themselves no?! It's a pity that this need for a proposal is making you value all these moments less.

ladyrushford · 29/05/2026 19:33

SlayTheJAway · 28/05/2026 22:11

OP on MN anyone who wants to ‘get engaged’ is treated like a silly child, even though the vast majority of the replies are coming from woman who were proposed to, most likely.

💯. I had a lovely proposal - we’d been together nine years and my DH planned everything. It was very special. Would I have said yes if he’d asked me on the sofa watching Netflix on a Tuesday night? Probably but I wouldn’t perhaps have felt as special as I did on the day my true love proposed to me.

I admire your honesty OP. You want something to cherish and why not? My only gentle advice would be not to confuse your desire for a do-over with an otherwise good man. It sounds like he’s got a clear idea of what he wants to do but he might need some prompting. Good luck OP!

Paramaribo2025 · 30/05/2026 00:48

So is he going to marry you or not?
What did he say?
Yes or no?

SixAndJuliet · 30/05/2026 08:44

Not really an update though is it? He’s just fobbed you off a bit longer.

moderate · 30/05/2026 08:51

SixAndJuliet · 30/05/2026 08:44

Not really an update though is it? He’s just fobbed you off a bit longer.

You and I live in very different universes.

PeachShaker · 30/05/2026 13:23

Frustrating - maybe he feels pressure to make more of it than you want?

I dropped some (heavy and obvious) hints such as under the bridge where we do our otter survey. And I’m, don’t forget the ring. lol. It ended up quite romantic.

Much unlike our first kiss as I had to stop home and drag him just off the bridge he’d moments before told me someone fell off and died the week before. That was not at all romantic!

VickyEadie · 30/05/2026 15:56

CurlyOldGirly · 29/05/2026 08:49

It’s ridiculous because it does sound like we can’t communicate even though that’s one thing we are massive on - communication!

I think because I’m waiting for it, that’s what’s made me not want to mention it because ‘just in case’ he has it planned for that same week/weekend.

As an update we spoke about it last night. He was incredibly apologetic and said he feels like he has become selfish and complacent and what started as him just wanting to make it special without me clocking on had led to him just not knowing how to do it without him being worried I’ll turn around and say well it wasn’t really special enough, or thoughtful enough or that it may have been OTT.

But that none of those things are excuses and he just wants to make sure he makes more effort now, work has been a little stressful but that it’s no excuse for not switching off and concentrating on our life together when he’s at home and making sure that he does get down on one knee.

Because of all the incredible responses last night, my eyes were opened into some self reflection and how I have exacerbated my own situation and I was able to admit that I’ve made a huge mistake in putting pressure on it and even though I felt like I made it easy because I don’t want a massive fuss, I actually made it a lot harder because I’m actually able to see it from his perspective. I think if we switched places I’d have been mulling for months too - he has a huge bday this year and it’s absolutely stressed me the F out what to get or do and I ended up needing his help somewhat in just getting a good present.

Once again I am so incredibly grateful to all of the ladies who have taken the time to read and reply,. If I hadn’t have posted this I wouldn’t have been encouraged to talk to him honestly about it. And I can happily say this morning I’ve woken up and there’s no resentment at all. He is as loving as ever and I almost blinded myself to that because of the resentment that started to build.

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So - you're still not engaged? You're still waiting for that 'special moment' to happen?

😳

IsawwhatIsaw · 30/05/2026 17:14

Parker231 · 28/05/2026 22:13

I think you need to question whether he wants to propose and get married. If he really wanted to, he’d have done it by now.

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This. It all sounds like a control thing. He’s had 9 months. Why wait ?

Parker231 · 30/05/2026 17:21

CurlyOldGirly · 29/05/2026 08:49

It’s ridiculous because it does sound like we can’t communicate even though that’s one thing we are massive on - communication!

I think because I’m waiting for it, that’s what’s made me not want to mention it because ‘just in case’ he has it planned for that same week/weekend.

As an update we spoke about it last night. He was incredibly apologetic and said he feels like he has become selfish and complacent and what started as him just wanting to make it special without me clocking on had led to him just not knowing how to do it without him being worried I’ll turn around and say well it wasn’t really special enough, or thoughtful enough or that it may have been OTT.

But that none of those things are excuses and he just wants to make sure he makes more effort now, work has been a little stressful but that it’s no excuse for not switching off and concentrating on our life together when he’s at home and making sure that he does get down on one knee.

Because of all the incredible responses last night, my eyes were opened into some self reflection and how I have exacerbated my own situation and I was able to admit that I’ve made a huge mistake in putting pressure on it and even though I felt like I made it easy because I don’t want a massive fuss, I actually made it a lot harder because I’m actually able to see it from his perspective. I think if we switched places I’d have been mulling for months too - he has a huge bday this year and it’s absolutely stressed me the F out what to get or do and I ended up needing his help somewhat in just getting a good present.

Once again I am so incredibly grateful to all of the ladies who have taken the time to read and reply,. If I hadn’t have posted this I wouldn’t have been encouraged to talk to him honestly about it. And I can happily say this morning I’ve woken up and there’s no resentment at all. He is as loving as ever and I almost blinded myself to that because of the resentment that started to build.

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Good that you’ve spoken - so are you now engaged and wedding plans in place?

Wishimaywishimight · 30/05/2026 19:28

Despite what he says (words are cheap) he cannot possibly be "desperate" to marry you if he's been sitting on the ring for a year!

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/05/2026 19:39

CurlyOldGirly · 28/05/2026 22:37

Oh gosh I think I needed to hear this. I think I indeed have put too much pressure and rules in place and objectively I do feel for him. He knows if he takes me anywhere remotely unplanned or even makes a suggestion I get sus.
You are so right, I feel like as the months are passing I need it to be even more special. I didn’t even realise that until now.

How do I remedy this? How can I get it out of my head? How do I take the pressure off my head and leave him breathing space to do this?

I almost feel like someone needs to fucking fix me and my head so I can just not care and just be happy for when it happens.

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I felt like this too when I was with my (now ex, then STB) H. In the end I just said that it was sort of ruining all the nice trips and events we went to, as I was building it up in my head that this would be the time and it never was. He said he was waiting for the perfect time but I said that any of those would have been perfect, but instead they all ended up tinged with disappointment, so if we’re doing it I’d rather just agree we’re doing it and start planning it. We did and it lasted 12 years but I do think his heart was never quite in it, despite being adamant at the time it was just a timing thing. I wouldn’t change it, as I have my beautiful DCs from it, but I do think “if he wanted to he would” is a solid approach to most things.

Mischance · 30/05/2026 19:48

This poor man!
It is all now so orchestrated and contrived that it has no meaning. Whetever he does it will be an anticlimax now.

Why not just plan a wedding and have done with it?

I feel exhausted just reading all this!!

whoopsnomore · 30/05/2026 20:26

It does seem like you have set him a "test" where he is not aware of the success criteria! Without even telling him it's a test. Use the communication skills, (use your words!) tell him no matter where, when , it's the feeling and the intention that make it "romantic" and genuine and memorable, and that being engaged, and hence getting married, is what counts, not the "Insta" nonsense.

Mum2beagain1978 · 31/05/2026 08:32

@CurlyOldGirlyMaybe the pressure to get the proposal “just right” is the issue here. If he knows that you are looking for something special and meaningful he may be afraid to get it wrong. Just a thought…………

RedRock41 · 31/05/2026 10:18

OP you’ve been married before so know the drill: first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring then the suffering… joking 🙃 of course but point is you’re not 5 watching Disney princesses. You’re a grown woman who can surely see how/when he asks is a minor issue and not a reflection on your value as a person. Obsessing over this is batshit crazy. Either wait and enjoy the early years, or bite the bullet and get it booked. The real graft is after you say I do.

RedRock41 · 31/05/2026 10:20

Mischance · 30/05/2026 19:48

This poor man!
It is all now so orchestrated and contrived that it has no meaning. Whetever he does it will be an anticlimax now.

Why not just plan a wedding and have done with it?

I feel exhausted just reading all this!!

Same. The obsessing and expectation will have sucked all the spontaneity and joy from it whatever happens. If I was him I’d be thinking if this is what it’s like over the proposal, what other ‘tests’ are to come? Hard, hard work. OP just chill and let it happen when it happens.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 31/05/2026 15:27

WimpoleHat · 28/05/2026 21:50

i don’t want this bogus thing of me asking him or him just asking me at home

I genuinely don’t understand this. Why would this not be just as special or meaningful?

👆🏻 this. Have never considered my at home with my stepson proposal as bogus. Also took my DH 8 years to propose, we were happy and secure anyway so it wasn’t really a ‘thing’, although we knew we wanted to be married at some point.

LizandDerekGoals · 01/06/2026 21:30

IsawwhatIsaw · 30/05/2026 17:14

This. It all sounds like a control thing. He’s had 9 months. Why wait ?

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Absolutely.

I cannot get over how many women on here are feeling sorry for this man who cannot get around to proposing. He cannot get himself together enough to p’an one thing.

Just keep lowering your expectations, op. He might do it over a plate of chips that you provided in your living room while watching tv. Magical.

honest to god expectations for men are on the floor.

LarksAscending · 01/06/2026 22:06

CurlyOldGirly · 28/05/2026 22:07

I can’t quite 100% pinpoint why. But it’s just that one thing I want.the idea that he’s thought about the things I love and stitched them into a proposal.

I spent years nurturing someone else who never ever did the same for me. In my previous marriage and the relationship leading up to it, my ex pretty much stripped me of my identity. For example hated the kind of music I like listening to so I never listened to it any more because I couldn’t play it in the house or in the car. He hated my taste in movies or tv. He didn’t like me wearing certain clothes, he took the piss out of every aspect of my personality. Yet I spent years taking him to football matches for example because that was something he was passionate about but I was not because it made him happy.

I spent years with someone who didn’t actual give a shit about the things that I loved or made me happy. He even proposed to me by taking me to his own hometown because he was in love with that place but to me it meant nothing. So he only served himself and his own happiness

when we split I knew I wouldn’t let myself settle for someone who didn’t give a thought to who I am as a person. My DP is so fucking incredible and I just cannot wait to take that next step together. I just owe it to myself to stand for one small thing that I want - a private proposal with just the smallest layer of thought put in. I know he will do it I’m just at a loss as to why it hasn’t happened.. I’m at a point where I wonder if he’s just not bothered.

Edited

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It’s important to you and he knows this. He’s probably feeling under pressure to make it perfect.

moderate · 01/06/2026 22:07

LizandDerekGoals · 01/06/2026 21:30

Absolutely.

I cannot get over how many women on here are feeling sorry for this man who cannot get around to proposing. He cannot get himself together enough to p’an one thing.

Just keep lowering your expectations, op. He might do it over a plate of chips that you provided in your living room while watching tv. Magical.

honest to god expectations for men are on the floor.

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Honest to god your expectations for women are on the floor.

OpheliaNightingale · 01/06/2026 22:14

I had a male friend/colleague who was in a relationship with a dynamic like yours. She didn’t know that he had the ring though. Every time she brought up the topic of engagement, he changed the subject, as he was planning a big romantic surprise proposal. So she thought it wasn’t going anywhere, and ended the relationship.

LizandDerekGoals · 03/06/2026 21:42

moderate · 01/06/2026 22:07

Honest to god your expectations for women are on the floor.

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Well thats a dumb comment.

moderate · 03/06/2026 22:47

LizandDerekGoals · 03/06/2026 21:42

Well thats a dumb comment.

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It’s a parody of a dumb comment.