Proposal - he has a ring but I’m sick of waiting

[CurlyOldGirly]

I know that proposals aren’t the be all and end all. But I am desperate to marry my partner and so is he (so he says pretty much every day).
Ring exists because I’ve come across it when I saw the box in his suitcase when we went on holiday last year. But we had issues on holiday (not with each other) with our villa so i can see why he didn’t do it there. We had a few days of just being super disappointed with certain problems we had with our holiday let and then I had an allergic reaction to something so literally there wasn’t a window that I know he could have used.

he has said when it happens he wants to do it properly. He knows I don’t care for a massive show and I don’t want money being spent to make it happen. I really hate stuff like that. All I want is some thought.

I’m just at a point now where I’m getting more and more pissed that he hasn’t managed to just work out a romantic way to do it. I’m not asking for instagram worthy, just take me on a trip to a bloody lake or a pretty looking forest that’s free to visit and get down on a knee or something.

i don’t want this bogus thing of me asking him or him just asking me at home. This is the only thing I’ve actually ever wanted in our relationship to be just a little bit special. I’ve been married before and it was all pretty shit and I was never made to feel loved the way I wished to be. DP is so loving and affectionate, I can’t understand why he hasn’t just bitten the bullet or even found a way to make it happen

what do I say to him? Should I have a chat with him? because it’s been 9 months since he knew I saw the ring and I’m just getting fed up. I’m getting to a point where I just question if he even wants this any more.

Gosh I’m sorry this is long, I guess I needed to vent more than I thought I did.

This would be my worry. If he has the ring and actually wants to propose he would have….

Did he ever propose, OP, or did he keep kicking the can down the road?

Another situation where “If he wanted to, he would.” applies.

I imagine he's feeling the pressure a bit! Could you get a friend or family member to have a quiet word and find out? If he is overthinking, perhaps they (and you) can ease that a little bit by emphasising that you don't need it to be "big", just thoughtful?

Dog, just realised it's an old thread 🤦

💜

No.

I thought I’d be coming back on this thread with ring photos because we went on holiday 2 weeks ago (btw the best most relaxing holiday I’ve had in years)

Like even if it were to happen in the next couple weeks, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get it out of my head that he made me wait nearly an entire fucking YEAR of him KNOWING that I knew about it.

Just start wearing it and tell him you got fed up of waiting 😆

Sympathies.

There's a lot of comment on here about the pressure he must be feeling. But the problem is that he is not thinking about how you are feeling. And the impact that this is having on your relationship.

Have you actually had a conversation with him about this? I'd do that as my next step. Tell him that you love him dearly and want to marry him and the fact that he is making no effort to actually propose makes you wonder if he feels the same way about you. Tell him that you just want a quiet proposal at a scenic location so that the two of you can take some nice photos and always remember that place as the proposal spot. Tell him it doesn't need to be on a holiday but it needs to be by the end of summer. Or otherwise it won't be a happy memory for you. Then ask him how he feels about what you have said.

Listen carefully to how he responds. And proceed accordingly.

I just read all this & was hoping to hear about your engagement as I got to the end of the thread 😊

So a year on. Another holiday song using nice places /restaurants/beach’s /sunsets and still hasn’t asked

are you wasting your time ?

What’s the rush? Sounds like you have a lovely life together, surely at this point marriage is more about legal and financial security? Could he be hesitant on either of those fronts? Are you likely to have a child together?

DH was in the corner of the room fettling with his bike. I was lying on the bed reading the paper. We lived 150 miles apart, he was a postgrad student, I had just started a new job. He said “when we’re a bit more settled, shall we get married?”. I said “yes, let’s”. No insta in the 1990s. No fanfare. No ring (we were both young and skint). We told a few people. We got married 2 years later (having got a bit more settled). We had a “mini moon” in a borrowed tent in Scotland - FiL put a tank of fuel in the elderly car and gave us AA cover. I got an engagement ring for our 5th wedding anniversary! That was nearly 30 years ago. Still together. Still not much insta.

I'm married, OP. Sometimes I wonder if I would have liked to have been proposed to, but it really happened like this:

We'd both spoken about marriage and it was sort of assumed that it would happen at some point. We were viewing a house and as we were walking back to the train station I said something like - I'd prefer us to be married if we're committing to living together. He said ok, would you prefer to get married sooner rather than later? And I said what would you prefer to do? And he said- March? (This was November). And so we just booked it.

I know the proposal seems very important now but the real important thing is marrying the right person. Is he the right person, OP? Because he's starting to sound like he's stringing you along.

Are you going to have children with him? Do you share financial assets? 7 years no marriage is a bit terrible
I think you probably need to have it out in a row, he is embarrassing you and how can you trust him on other things if this is how he is?
Tbh I think he may enjoy holding it over your head. Does he resent you for being married before? It's what it sounds like

I think you’ve made such a “ thing” of the proposal ( rather than the engagement) that he’s got cold feet and bottled it! There’s no reason why he couldn’t have asked you before now other than either he’s changed his mind or he’s afraid that he can’t meet your expectations of the perfect proposal

Sorry OP, but you've already chatted with him about marriage, and you're supposedly on the same page about it, but I don't think you really are tbh?

He's obviously not fussed about marriage and is happy as you are, but the problem is that you're not.

It's perfectly reasonable for you to want a proposal, and you've told him that's what you want, but he's never proceeded further than buying a ring.

He's clearly not wanting to progress further down the marriage 'line', and is putting off the 1st stage (the proposal) repeatedly, despite your 'chats' about it.

At this stage, after all these years, even if he proposed tomorrow, he'll simply 'put off' the prospect of an actual wedding by further 'delay' tactics.

He simply doesn't want it. He simply refuses to admit that he doesn't want it, because it would disrupt his nice 'life' he currently has with you 'acting' like a wife but without ever having to actually marry you.

Men are simple creatures. When they want to do something, they do it. They'll 'move mountains' to get what they want. They are creatures of action more than words. They use words to get what they want. He's using HIS words to get what HE wants, which is to NOT get married.

These are the only two option which aren't "bogus"!

FFS!

A proposal is simply a question - shall we do this thing? In this instance, get married!

That's it.

All the other stuff you're talking about is just nonsense.

Oh I can't believe you're both not engaged and still with him.

I have just noticed the dates on this thread.

OP, this is pathetic.

If you want to get married, just say so. Ask the guy a straight question and expect a straight answer.

Oh gosh . I think this is a moment for deep conversation with him op. There is some serious lack of communication hampering your relationship here at the very least.

This is very very poor from him.

I would say it's time for you to walk out and it's therapy or nothing. Whatever happens now you two are going yo need to find out of he actually is avoiding marriage.

He should have done it within a week of the last conversation

I don’t want to split because I feel like Gollum.
he is perfect in every single way. Emotionally perfect, always there for me, had never faltered, he treats my dd as his, pays for everything, spoils me, has his own business but lives for his family (me and my dd).

it’s just this. I get the comments saying I should ask him but I’ll remind everyone that I’m Punjabi and proposing isn’t the norm in my culture growing up in the 90s. You’d have a bf/gf and then just decide with families and other ceremonies are perceived as an engagement. This is something that I personally wanted and he’s taking the piss doing it.

nope not gonna leave an absolutely perfect relationship (aside from this thing that I’m either downplaying or blowing out of proportion lol). But I am resentful what can I say

Emotionally perfect, always there for me

Is he emotionally perfect though? He knows what you feel but is happy to keep you on a string with your emotions on a rollercoaster - doesn't feel perfect to me!

Maybe he is avoiding marriage.

i don’t know. He’s as ingrained as he can be in my life.

He bought me incredibly expensive diamond earrings and gifted them to me with my dd on holiday. It was very sweet. It’s my 40th next year, it’s easily something he could have given me then but he gave them now ‘just because’.

i don’t know if I can be arsed for another conversation. I’ve done it once and it’s been 3 months nearly since.

Have the conversation with him. You need to know exactly how he feels about getting married to you
I sincerely hope I am wrong here but I feel he has no intention of marrying you.

Resentment can all easily build and turn to hate.