The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

In other news, Mr Kardashian told me he’s falling for me…

I took @Nosdacariad ’s lead and suggested he ask me out! Apparently he’ll do that next weekend…I’m expecting special now 😁

I think it's me being anxious...

Yay!

Awww…. So cute!!!

I’m honestly a bit flummoxed. I got home from staying overnight at Mr Charismatic’s a few hours ago (we are not UK so different time zone) and he’s just messaged asking me back for dinner at his again a second night in a row. This is on top of going to a film festival tomorrow, which we’d already planned. So definitely a step change in how much time we spend together.

We already had a chat about 6 weeks ago where he’d indicated he didn’t want to commit to anything until his life felt a bit more settled (fair enough, he’s had a lot on his plate & lots of change). In all honesty, my assumption is that he’s in no rush for a relationship and it’s 99% unlikely to ever happen. I’m fine with just seeing where things go for now without either of us feeling pressured.

Totally sympathise with this xx

@coolpattern awww sounds very cute!

@empirebiscuits12 hope date goes well x

@BoxOfCats crikey thats a lot of time to spend together. Its funny how things adjust and change and you sit there thinking about it. I remember with my DP he was only here the odd night around the children and them it grew so organically we just spent more and more time together til he wasnt really going home at all he was going to work and coming back here and one day when he got back from work he just said that he feels like hes coming home when he comes back here after work rather than when he goes back to his old home if that makes sense!

Eurgh. I'm on holiday and sent Mr Mullet a drunken "thinking of you" in the early hours. Left on read. EUGH.

Unfortunately, he has completely ignored my message - so I clearly enjoyed the date more than he did!

I'm not broken hearted or anything. I suppose I would be curious to know what it was that put him off - he talked a lot more than I did to be fair, so I don't think he can have found out much about me that wasn't to his taste! And I (quite intentionally) look better in real life than I do on my profile pics, so I doubt it's that.

We did discuss one political issue that I have strong views on and he did seem a little taken aback by that, so maybe that's it?

Anyway, easy come easy go. I think I would have preferred a thanks but no thanks message from him rather than full ghost, though.....

This is lovely! ❤️❤️

This all sounds so promising. But remember to just keep something in reserve, until he proves himself.....

We've all done it - try not to overthink it!

At least he knows where you stand......

In happier news, I have a date this afternoon - a guy I just matched with yesterday! I love that he had the balls to ask me out straight away. And he looks nice from his pics - lovely smile, and he's a bigger guy which I personally tend to prefer. Don't know much else about him to be honest! But I thought it was worth a shot - fingers crossed. I'll call him Mr Speedy!

@Ilovelurchers good luck! When you say bigger guy, is that in terms of muscle?

Oh yes everyone circles back!!! The most surefire way to keep a guy around is to tell them you aren’t interested in them! (And conversely showing interest and investment, eg driving to their house if they’ve had a bad day, seems to really backfire)

I’m getting messages from guys I never even met a year later, along the lines of ‘enjoyed chatting to you, do you still want to meet’. Also totally random scrambled messages or sudden outbursts of feelings.

I’m 40 and my experience with men 50+ is that… they’re a lot of drama! I think perhaps they get to an age when they are finally more in touch with their feelings and more self-aware, and feel they must tell everyone how they feel, or how they felt in the past. If it’s their first dating era after maybe settling down young and divorce, they can be a bit… wild! My friend’s dad is about 50 and tells a different woman every month how special she is and all the feelings he has for her 😅 Treats them like a girlfriend for 10 weeks, and then dumps them via text.

In fact I really wish he joined this thread, it would be so entertaining.

@ElleintheWoods that's funny, had a wee laugh at that. I've had the other experience I think, the few I've met since my husband left me 7 yrs ago have been similar. Talked one story but walked another, up for loads of stuff but when it came down to it really quite stuck in their ways and wanted someone to fit in round their agenda so I'd love to meet someone more open to different experiences.
The ex I was with the longest checks in all the time and we got on great, amazing chemistry but very inconsistent. Straight on the apps every time a relationship ends type. Friends say I should just see him as and when if it suits but I'm not into fwb, just not for me. I'd rather something deeper. Could be a lonely summer.

Oof. Sorry xxx

Just had my first date with Mr Speedy. Lots of positives - I definitely found him physically attractive, and he was charming (bit of a raconteur) and easy to chat to.

The only red (or pink?) flag was that he spoke a lot about himself, and didn't ask much about me.

I have experienced this before on dates, and am aware that it could be nerves. I think I'm naturally more of a listener, and so encourage people to talk - I ask a lot of questions. So it would be easy for someone slightly nervous to just lean in to that....

Has anyone had a similar experience, and did it put you off going for a second date?

Haha I’m glad it made you chuckle.

Yes I find that too, a lot of guys claim to be adventurous and open minded but really just want to do the same weekend routine close to home most weekends. One of my exes thought I was super adventurous for I went on a few trips a year where I travelled the country solo and didn’t stay in a comfortable all inclusive… while simultaneously claiming to want to travel the world and have adventures!

Would also love someone who’s happy to go on a day trip with me on a whim, or at least eat non-traditional meals!

What are you looking for? And what do you see as the challenges? How long have you been single?

Ah straight on the apps to ‘get over someone’ is such a boy behaviour! Women on here say that some men just don’t seem serious and truthfully they aren’t, as some have been single literally 7 hours before creating a profile and seek validation.

I’m still chatting to… I can’t remember what I called him, Mr Artistic? He seems like such a fantastic man. He’s in the public eye a bit as he’s excellent at what he does, so I know a lot more about him than I would in case of someone with a non-public life. HOWEVER. He’s 20 years my senior. So probably need to see it as just an interesting conversation and nothing else though he is flirting a lot

I’d love a version of him but 25 years younger 😇

If everything else was ok maybe another date or a call?
Did he ask questions when messaging?

I’m sorry in advance if that sounds embarrassing but… Does anyone post photos of themselves on social media? I’m talking normal head and shoulders, not anything revealing or strange!

I actually find that by far the most ‘fruitful’ strategy in terms of guys messaging and starting or restarting conversations - this being guys I already somewhat know, of course, but maybe ones that haven’t spoken to me for years and suddenly find themselves single.

I’ve done it twice this year and both times it’s resulted in some invites to catch up, etc

I was swapping messages with my Hinge match, and then she just unmatched for no reason. Its hard work!