Married to someone with Asperger’s/ASD/ ND: support thread 18

[Bluebellforest1]

This thread is for those of us seeking to explore the dynamics of long term relationships with our ND partners. Some of us are ND ourselves, some have ND children. It is a support thread and a safe space, it does get emotional at times. Avoid sweeping generalisations and try to keep it specific to you and your partner.

these threads have been going about 10 years now and have been a lifeline of support for many of us.

Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5447569-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-17?latest=1

I have found (by chance really) that antihistamines greatly reduce dh snoring!
He usnt keen on taking them all the time but when it’s bad, it makes all the difference.

@SpecialMangeTout3 you can take the lower grade ones most of the time and they won’t do any harm at all. My DH has been on mad doses of all three main antihistamine drugs, at the same time, before and been fine with it. Although if his snoring isn’t seasonal might be worth checking whether he could be allergic to something in the bedroom that is bunging his sinuses up at night?

Interesting. Not tried that one, but it seemed to be pretty consistently bad - got worse after he put on some weight, and slightly better when he lost some. Occasionally on holiday we found it was better in other beds.

I think what I'll try when we get this pillow is perhaps coming in to the bed early in the morning (when it's his turn in our bed) after a few days when he's already asleep so I don't stop him dropping off and then I can also tell if it's working at all or not.

I was a bit nervous when tonight, the evening before DS's second and final maths test, DH decided finally to check on his work and I did tell him 'Please stay chilled so he can go into his test calmly', and he appreciated me reminding him and did stick to it, and was fairly pleased with how DS did anyway.

🤞🤞 all goes well for this last test

I think this one will be OK. If he can just get back towards his previous scores for maths we can take that off the worry list for GCSEs.

History tomorrow - we've made some progress with helping him write, but it's a bit too little too late, so I'm expecting another freeze situation. If we keep at a little every day over summer I'm hopeful we can make an impact. School SENCO finally got back with school questionnaire so we can send to Ed Psych for assessment next week.

After that he has nearly two weeks until psychology and maybe a drama exam - he seems to think he doesn't have a drama exam, but I will ask him to check with teacher tomorrow! But those shouldn't be so bad provided he does some revision in the interim.

Sadly didn't go too well, o started developing a bad feeling in the afternoon. He didn't totally freeze but he wasn't happy about it, so I guess maths remains on the worry list.

On the other hand, I came back from being out with a friend in the evening and DH was apologising for something be said to DS (repeatedly) a year or two back that might have made written exams harder for him and telling DS he was wrong and sorry that it may have made life harder for him. It had been preying on my mind for ages and I'm really glad DH had the realisation himself and apologised.

Oh that’s a very good step forward for both your dh and your dc.
Hopefully this will help your ds to feel more confident.

I have to say, I’m wondering if the freeze he experienced in math is not more about stress and knowing how to handle it rather than his ND or his knowledge.
In that case, doing yet more revisions/more pressure to learn might not be the right track?
How does it feel to you? Am I totally on the wrong track there?

Yes, absolutely. I think he can definitely revise more, and more effectively too. He doesn't write notes enough, for example. He's had the odd set of tests where he seems to find it in himself to get down to it, but it doesn't stick. The difficulty is we need to work out how to help him do it and be consistent if it's to happen. I'm trying to see if he can work a bit more intensively on psychology now he has nearly 2 weeks to focus on it

At the end of the day, whatever his results are we have agreed we can say 'We know you are disappointed but ultimately you have not done all the revision you can in the best way. Remembering is hard but there are effective ways to revise and you do need to give everything more time, but if you find the right methods it doesn't have to be constant or too boring.

I don't imagine he'll have managed history today - we made some progress with the writing but he didn't have much time to absorb the facts. But if he managed anything, even some short answers, that is something.