I'm the OW. He ended it.

[NeverEverLand37]

I know I'm going to be torn apart but I need some support.

I left an abusive relationship.

Then I got involved with a married man. I knew it was wrong but I loved him. It went on for a year. He has now ended it.

I feel broken. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?

Guarantee he will be back at some point. May be months away. Op get out of the house, do everything and anything to distract yourself

He knows it was shitty. It was shitty I agree but I've forgiven him. It's ok. And he doesn't live in my home. We own a home jointly.

Good, that's of course fine that youve forgiven him. My point was you saying 'one fling in 30yrs isn't serial cheater territory' but it won't have been one. You'll have been one of many. He of course won't admit to it but he's a liar as you know.

Just keep your wits about you and make sure finances are separate and sorted as you cohabit.

They're separate. I was marrying ed 23 years prior and always insisted that. If he cheats I'll know instantly. And I move on. If he cheats he loses me. He knows what's at stake.

You still haven’t answered how long your relationship with this guy has actually been.

He left her within months.nweve well I have. But nevermind my dear

'If he cheats I'll know instantly. And I move on'

Hmm you see you say that but cheats are very accomplished liars and manipulators so I'm not so sure you'd know unless you're psychic or have him on those tracking spy apps? If not might be an idea.

Oh. Not at all. We are close. I'd notice any change. Trust me. I'm so not concerned.

Anyhoo. I'm bowing out. Have fun. Off to name change and have fun on here. Best of British xxxx

If he cheats I'll know instantly. And I move on. If he cheats he loses me. He knows what's at stake.

Oh, my sweet summer child.

Utterly incoherent. I’m guessing you’ve been with this dude for less than three years and haven’t had time for him to get bored.

I don't think cheats display 'any change' tbh. That's how they get away with it. Do you think he'll say 'oh I'm off away for a night but I can't tell you where or who with'?
It'll be sexting 'she does not cherish me or respect me! Show me ya tits to cheer me up' as he has form for and it'll go from there.

Anyway best of British to you too! <Not quite sure of the relevance of that lol>.

It’s five years according to an earlier post, but your point stands. This woman genuinely believes she has a perfectly-functioning affair detector. Well that’s okay then! No spouse has ever made that mistake before.

I agree with you. I was responding to the person who was saying there's no way a MM could possibly ever have any feelings for an OW. So I said that it's perfectly possible. (Although most are probably using her.)

I agree that some people are extremely accomplished liars. I had a cousin who cheated on his wife BEFORE AND DURING their 35-year marriage. It all came out when one of his long-standing, off-on tarts finally told his wife. She had had NO idea. And he had cheated with this woman when he and his wife were dating at uni, then he was faithful for seven years after they married and had their first child, then he was with OW again for eight years, and I lost the thread after that. Apparently they stayed friends and he would tell her about the other women he was seeing. She kept the messages and finally told the wife, after they'd been married 35 years. His wife was dumbstruck. I mean, he had cheated voraciously, and she hadn't had a clue.

I have NO idea why he married her in the first place. I mean, if you want to sleep with others even before you're married, what's the point of marrying? Why not find someone to marry who you love enough never to cheat on?

Anyway, point is, there are some extremely skilful liars out there. It's terrifying. My cousin came across as an all-round good guy. 😮

I can tell you that is not true.

Well that name change wasn't very effective, was it, SweetHarmony252?

Maybe the pp has been hurt badly and is writing the story as they'd wished it had had turned out when it was probably more 'married man used me, dumped me and I can't cope'. Much like the op. It's really sad.

Married men are also shagging animals, other men , buying sex, dolls and just about anything they can insert their wandering dicks into. They'll always find a way.

Wow. Who hurt you.

Not a soul! Never been cheated on nor dumped, darling 😊.
Still know women aren't responsible for men's fidelity.

@NeverEverLand37 How are you doing op?

Hopefully she’s not doing someone else’s husband

Thanks for checking in. This thread was a lot. I do believe he loved me and the black and white thinking about that some posters have put forward doesn't seem right to me. I don't believe he loves his wife (who never found out), but is staying for other reasons. I get that those who have been cheated on might not like that, but I think that is the case.

A bit has time has given me a bit of clarity about how his behaviour hasn't been okay, both towards his wife and to me (though I understand why many people wouldn't care about the me part). His inconsistency kept me hooked and really messed me up.

I'm well aware of how wrong I have acted. I am not making excuses for that. I came out of an abusive relationship, was desperate for love and care, and made poor choices when someone showed me that. I am trying to heal so that I do better in the future.

Glad to hear you are going to do better,
try not to be so gullible next time, he absolutely did NOT love you if he did he would have ended it with his wife and stayed with you , his so called reasons for staying with his wife are bullshit whatever they are don’t be so naive