I'm the OW. He ended it.

[NeverEverLand37]

I know I'm going to be torn apart but I need some support.

I left an abusive relationship.

Then I got involved with a married man. I knew it was wrong but I loved him. It went on for a year. He has now ended it.

I feel broken. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?

He’d leave her if he wanted to. People do it every day.

It's always 'complicated' with married men. Everyone knows that.
The most ballsy woman I know discovered her husband was cheating. She rang the OW up and demanded a meeting. They actually got on OK together. They compared notes. It was indeed 'complicated'. They compared all the lies that he had told them.
This is the good ('complicated') bit. They then went together and confronted the husband and asked him to explain the different lies he had told them. It was devastating. He was devastated. OW was devastated. Both women dumped him.
I do not recommend that OP contacts the wife. It's over. Move on.
However, I do recommend that and cheated wives contact the OW. I do recommend that any OW who find themselves in a 'complicated' situation contact the wife. It will shed a lot of light on the situation and reveal a lot about the married man.

Yes this is very typical. A married person tells their fling all kinds of bollocks to justify their cheating.

It always surprises me that the fling doesn't realise they're being lied and cheated on too. Do they think these people have different personalities when they are with different people?

its hard isn’t it! Sometimes you have to just stand back and see it for what it is! He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable already. He will probably try to restart this several times and mess with your head. Block, walk away, prioritise yourself health and healing and don’t look back, take it as a lesson learnt.

Leaving his wife to be with you isn't complicated. There's serious consequences that might be unpalatable, like family rejection, emotional disentanglement, loss of secure housing and financial status but it's not complicated. Unless it's the King or such, then maybe it would be constitutionally complicated. Other than that, it's just a choice. He's made the easy choice. That's not the biggest surprise in the world, tbh.

OP was no victim here she knew what she was doing and went in with her eyes open I'm not saying that to twist the knife
but making her a victim again isn’t going to help her move on
what is going to help her move on (I get the impression she has ) realise she fucked up block delete and move on

You honestly have no idea how his relationship was. He's not going to tell you it's cracking now is he?!
My husband and I were spending lots of lots of time together, had a fantastic sex life and he was really attentive and loving to me all while stringing a younger colleague along over text and calls. She thought he was in love and he dropped her in a second to come back to me when I kicked him out.
You'll grieve and move on but it's nothing to the pain his wife would feel if she knew

Oh and a couple of years later when I started to wise up to him and we moved toward separation he was straight back to her, telling her he was leaving me. Don't look back op. No man who can do what he did is a good idea.

Partly true, but I would say HE probably ruined HIS marriage, no ???

Yep she needs to work on her self esteem and make better choices .

And the usual lie is that he isn't sleeping with his wife. They only stay together for the kids. They're just like brother and sister really.
Sometimes they throw in an illness, just to complicate things.

Yeah. Tis true sometimes because men aren't heartless, they suffer guilt. OP he will likely be back. If he did a year he clearly cared about you. Few leave but when they do they mean it. Mine did. Be strong. Don't let the vipers on here get to you. Inbox if you need to talk. If he was respected and cherished at home he'd not have pursued you.Im sorry you're in pain ❤️

I’ve just been a bit sick in my mouth. “Respected and cherished at home”? Do you actually believe this shite??
Or are you just trying to convince yourself that because you “respect and cherish him” you won’t lose him how you found him?
Many, many men chase other women because they are weak little boys in men’s bodies. Desperate for validation, emotionally stunted, unable to communicate. Hence they have affairs. Because, if they weren’t, they’d be able to discuss any issues and reach a mutually beneficial conclusion, or respectfully leave. They wouldn’t be off shagging someone else.

Behave. I had a long marriage too. We all get older. Sometimes we grow apart. We meet other people. Face the real world or live in a cosetred fantasy.

I don’t know what “cosetred” means, I assume you mean cosseted? And, on the contrary, I’m not cosseted, but I do believe in respect and I don’t believe that respect involves lying and shagging around. If you can turn a blind eye to it, that’s your call, but the vast majority of people get burned by it. As op has discovered.

What utter nonsense.
His wife just had higher standards and he had a communication/ maturity issue.

Exactly if he didn’t feel “cherished” or respected he should’ve left. Simple.

Who wants to respect a cheating man who is being deceptive and has shown little regard for the feelings of either the OW or his wife?

And someone feeling “guilty” while they lie and cheat, and wreak havoc on womens emotions doesn’t make them a decent person.

Guilt - which often just keeps people stuck in the same patterns - and genuine remorse, which leads to change are two different things.

Imagine asking OP to hold out hope that this man who has dropped her so unceremoniously comes back.

If she gets any sense of decency and self respect, she won’t take him back!

Yep. The crazy wife/gf/ex who is verbally abusing him. That's the trope my ex told his 'overlap'.

For once in my life on threads like these I have no words.

How did you move on after 7 years? It’s just ended with my OM (not my choice). Very long and complicated story but I’m the one left feeling completely adrift (I am married too and was preparing to leave). The no contact is killing me.

Oh yes. The wife has mental heath issues, that's a regular lie.
The wife is frumpy and has let herself go. She is boring. Blah blah. Poor him.
The thing that fascinates me is that, in reality, wives are often more attractive than the other woman. Go figure.
I don't wish to be insulting to anyone on this thread. It's just a personal observation.
Some posters are getting irate because of differing views. Please don't.
What would be useful would be if a cheating man could come on here and tell us the truth. Sadly, that won't happen.

It's hilarious isn't it, 'if he was respected and cherished at home he wouldn't cheat'. Do fling people really believe the guff cheats spout

No. They believe in nuance. They believe that we aren't all the same people in our 50s as we are in our 20s. People change. People fall in love. That's reality

Sorry my post was in response to @underlockeandkey

To the op I sympathise. I’ve been playing EDMR music to stop the ruminating.