Life360 Shows DH Spent 59 mins in Thai Massage

[Caramelsyrup]

As the title says. DH away abroad with some friends. Checked life 360 this morning and showed he had spent 59 minutes in a Thai massage place. Took all the screenshots and sent a friend. It’s not on Google but on street view with a number. It’s not looking good is it??

Just leave him and stop procrastinating over it. Why be a doormat?

He has no respect for you.
Please, at least respect yourself. You deserve better than all of this.

It's easy to say just leave him but reality isn't always so simple. For what it's worth, I'd say definitely don't go on holiday with him, which would just resume normality and make him think nothing's wrong. Either go with daughter or cancel altogether. Daughter is old enough to understand that there are conflicts in the marriage (obviously without the gory details) and you need some time apart. Or you can make up another reason if there's a plausible one, but don't go together.

And they aware of how poisonous their parents marriage is? How gross their father is?

Has he actually been away in Thailand or somewhere else? Based on what you’ve been saying I didn’t interpret it as him being in Thailand but then why was a Thai woman on the phone when you called him?

he doesn’t know why you’re annoyed as you haven’t told him. The reason you gave is not particularly reasonable so of course him and your daughter don’t understand.

But you haven’t told him why you are annoyed with him unless I’ve missed something

No he wasn’t in Thailand he was in a European city. No I’ve not mentioned about the Life 360 as what’s the point, he will disable it and deny it and say it’s wrong which it might be after I checked the venue. He thinks I’m just annoyed that he didn’t get in contact with me or even send a message. He said the woman on the phone was someone serving in a bar. Which she could’ve been for all I know. I’m worried to mention what I saw on Life 360 as I know he will laugh, gas light me then disable it!!

This has to be the oddest marriage i have read about on mumsnet

Honestly feel you have plenty of grounds to end the marriage with or without the Life360 evidence. From what you've described here, his whole attitude towards you is horrible.

Yes I know but it’s easier said than done when been with someone for 20 years and used to how they can get round you and gaslight you into thinking you’re wrong and stupid !!! I’ve wanted to end the marriage many times but lack the confidence to do so! It’s not just as easy as leave!

Not really no as we don’t generally go around telling our children the nitty gritty of everything that goes on and nor do they need to know!

It's absolutely not that easy, when your life is so bound up with someone and they've spent years manipulating you. But this seems like a crunch moment and maybe it's time to at least start making some plans? Speak to a solicitor maybe?

Ugh, OP, he is disgusting.

So the porn, the private lap dance, the Amsterdam sex-worker...and these are just the incidents that you know about! Your investigation into his 59 mins - it all adds up to the only possible logical conclusion.

You don't need him to admit it. You are allowed to make your own decision.

And he is so dishonest and emotional manipulative - totally toxic to talk to your dd like that. Unforgiveable.

Tell your dd that he is right, (since he has told her you don't want him to come), he has upset you, it's a grown up conversation and not her business - that you both love her very much and sometimes grown ups get upset with each other just like her and her friends.

Just get rid of him.

It would make my skin crawl, having him anywhere near me.

What were you hoping to achieve by posting on mumsnet?

You already know that he doesn't view women as people - he views them as objects for his sexual gratification (strip clubs, lap dance, prostitutes).

He is a disgusting pig. You know that he is from his past actions, and you haven't yet left. So what does it matter if he got a happy ending massage? It's likely that he did, it tracks with the rest of his actions whether you can prove it or not. But even if he didn't - the stuff you already know about is bad and you're still with him. BTW- you can still leave presently regardless of how long ago the other incidents happened. The fact he used a prostitute ever at all is enough.

Your children may not know what their father has done but they will be ultimately influenced by his personality and views and there is tension in your home whether you realize it or not. Your marriage is the model by which they will likely follow in their own relationships.

You can start showing them that their mother is a strong independent woman who will not tolerate disrespect to herself or women in general by choosing to no longer be married to a misogynist.

It can’t be easy, tho, living with someone who lies to you, is sexually unfaithful and weaponises your children against you.

I’m not saying dismantling a marriage is easy, but you can get through it, many MNers have and have found relief and freedom from the gaslighting and manipulation.

You don’t need proof, you don’t need him to agree, you don’t need to justify yourself to him. All you need to know is that in your own heart of hearts you no longer want to be with him.

What is your housing situation? Do you have a job and your own income?

Yes thankfully I do work full time but I don’t earn a lot compared to him. I was a SAHM for a while and self employed but I retrained and pretty much starting from the bottom again but he’s worked his way up now and done a lot of travelling with work whilst I’ve held the fort at home. He’s on over six figures now. We own the house jointly. There’s quite a lot of equity in it but I wouldn’t want to move and upheave so I’d have to figure a way to stay, but I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage and bills just on my salary!

Ok if you won’t/can’t leave but you’re still unhappy with him then your only option is to stay and find your own happiness.
Go out socially more frequently, do things that bring you joy and stop doing things that don’t - his washing for one.
Once you become “difficult” he’ll most likely openly cheat and blame it all on you but at least you’ll get your split. Protracted, messy and on his terms but if you are unwilling to pull the plug, that’s the other “out’

Talk to a solicitor.
Have all your details to hand for you both - income, equity, pensions, etc

It is likely / possible you would be granted a bigger share of the house to house the children if you end up 'resident parent';.
You can find out how much CS he would be liable for.
There are calculators to work out how much UC top-up you might be entitled to.
You would get 25% discount on Council Tax.

And in the end.... if you live in misery now would it be so bad to move house, if you couldn't afford to stay?

This group of men will have left a trail of fellow holiday makes, especially women, disgusted by their behaviour. It is depressing to think these men are parents.

What is life usually like at home between you and your revolting husband @Caramelsyrup . I can’t see much love, affection room, laughter etc between the pair of you?

Tbh a lot of the time we get on well, have a laugh, affection. Admittedly the spark isn’t there anymore for me. He is very attractive so I do find him attractive but the older I get the more I dislike certain qualities about him. He’s highly strung sometimes, quite selfish and self absorbed. He was very much ‘one of the lads’ when we met. I was only 23. I was very naive and put up with a lot and have put up with a lot but like one of my friends has said he’s used to that so thinks it’s ok as he knows it always blows over and I end up forgiving him.
I have been to a solicitor before as we nearly divorced 18 months ago - nearly divorced before that too and went to counselling. I’m 43 this year and tbh I don’t want to waste anymore of my life on someone who isn’t going to change.

Sorry to hear this @Caramelsyrup
it sounds like you’d be better off ending the marriage regardless of whether he had a dodgy massage in this trip or not. It’s almost irrelevant

Life’s short op! X

If you want to divorce then do it. Good luck.