Life360 Shows DH Spent 59 mins in Thai Massage

[Caramelsyrup]

As the title says. DH away abroad with some friends. Checked life 360 this morning and showed he had spent 59 minutes in a Thai massage place. Took all the screenshots and sent a friend. It’s not on Google but on street view with a number. It’s not looking good is it??

Bollocks. You're either very naive or thick as mud

Op at least you have a good reason to have gone looking at the 360 by him not contacting you it caused you concern. He does sound very dodgy but it’s your life.

Why on earth would you feel the need to "sneak off" for the day without your spouse knowing? Or acknowledge that they went to the pub? Wouldn't you want to tell them what it was like at the beach, what you had to eat, maybe show them some photos you took? Wouldn't you be interested in what pub they went to, was it busy, etc. Smacks of being rather disconnected in a marriage to me, which is far worse than being able to see on Life360 that your spouse is on their way home from work.

This sounds creepy. Why is it naughty to have a couple of pints? Why do you pretend not to know?

I did have it for my child when she started secondary but she took it off ages ago, apparently lack of space on her phone (my arse) but you know what she gets to school and comes home everyday fine without me spying on her, just like we did 20 years ago. I think we are getting a bit ott on surveillance of our kids too.

Neither. The OP has now updated her H has form, so as predicted her fears were likely right based on more than just this one occasion and he was not a good ‘un in the first place. My point was: in a solid relationship you don’t go to the worst explanation first. Clearly that’s always a possibility and the moment you have the conversation you know.

Think what you like.
In my opinion, being joined at the hip is unhealthy. A little mystery and distance is good.
Who the heck needs to know where their spouse is at all times, anyway?

It's no surprise to me that the divorce rate is so high if people think that marriage means doing everything together.
Wearing matching jumpers like that naff couple from Ever Decreasing Circles.

I don't need to know where my spouse is at all times. Nor does he me.

These 360 life apps are a control freak's dream.
No not having that.

'Creepy' . Ffs.

From reading your updates OP, your husband has form for this type of behaviour and admitted to using prostitutes prior to meeting you. Given your updates, I'd say that your husband regularly uses prostitutes whilst away. Knowing what you do, now finding out he's likely been to a Thai massage parlour, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to you.

Of course your husband will deny any wrong doing. He's wormed his way out of situations before, and will definitely try to do the same again. I definitely wouldn't be confronting him whilst away but I'd be asking him matter-of-fact and in calm manner how he found the massage. You're not accusing him of anything, you're simply asking him how his massage was! If he becomes defensive or denies having been for one, then in my opinion, he was given more than a massage!!!

You need to think about what you want going forward. Deep down you must realise your husband uses prostitutes, he did before meeting you and he's continued periodically throughout your relationship. I don't see him stopping either, I'm sorry to say.

Regardless what you decide to do, you need to protect your sexual health, which means getting a full STI test. You'd hope your husband has used condoms, but you have no way of truly knowing.

i think he was genuinely having a massage as ive never known any man to last 59 minutes

The two are not incompatible.
A hand job is often seen as the natural conclusion to a Thai massage.
It is not viewed as dirty or unclean but as a way of clearing the system.

Other cultures have a different view to sex than British people.

Okay I admit that I know next to nothing about thai massage parlours even for legitimate thai massages but it does concern me that his choice of week-end destinations is Hamburg and Amsterdam because I know for sure Amsterday isn't only famous for sex trade type stuff but fairly famously has a thriving red light area and Hamburg - well, put it this way, I've never heard of anyone going to Hamburg as a tourist for a week-end away - Prague, absolutely, Paris, definitely but Hamburgh, never not in all my years. So I assume the regulated, legal sex industry in Hamburg would be a draw. I am sorry to come to this conclusion but I think your suspicions are more than valid. I can't imagine how devastating that must be for you to find out and deal with moving forward.

Shocked. I'm with you a 100%. Some turds around here and it stinks. OP I've not read the whole thread yet but we aren't all thriving off your pain. How sad is this situyand women want to add to the pain of another woman. Shame on them

Based on your OP I didn’t think it looked good big thought there was a slim chance it would be innocent, and that life 360 could have been slightly out.
however after reading your updates re his previous behaviour I think it’s pretty certain what he’s been up to.
sorry OP

I can't even parse this. Does it mean:

a) I also had a Thai massage yesterday, my dear OP.
b) I had a Thai massage yesterday; it was just too good!
c) I had a Thai massage yesterday as well; it was lovely.
???

Commas (and semicolons) save lives!

Well thank goodness for that (British having a different view). Unless someone is knowingly in an open marriage, any thing like that should be off limits.

This is very different to on a lads holiday and with the context of prior behaviour. Grow up is very unkind

I didn't say anything about doing everything together. I completely agree with that.

But there's a huge difference between happily having separate interests or going places alone, and "sneaking off" to those things and presumably not sharing anything about them either to maintain "mystery".

The latter seems incredibly disconnected and to frame separate interests or outings as "naughty" quite unhealthy.

I'm just saying that a hand job is just part of the massage process.
It is what it is.

Naughty in a good way ffs.

Yes. Everyone needs their own space even in a good relationship but sneaking around and keeping quiet about where you’ve been doesn’t seem healthy or necessary.

so I met ex when I was 17, I had my first smear at 25. When I went for it they told me things didn't look right and I'd need to be referred, I asked if they were talking about STIs and she said she couldn't rule it out. This meant I went home and told ex what had happened and asked him if he had been unfaithful since we met, he admitted he never actually got checked before we started sleeping together so it was a possibility but not from infidelity. Are you due a smear anytime soon? Bringing up the possibility of STIs in that sort of scenario might give you an insight into his reaction. It sounds like he's being unfaithful but I know what it's like to want concrete evidence before blowing your life up

He sounds really sleazy, OP, I'm afraid, and he mixes with men who are sleazy and who have horrible wives.

Honestly, I'd be looking at my options.

I can just imagine this group at some grotty resort. Full of larger, lairy, sleazy, all out topless and sunburnt to a crisp, tucking in to their fry ups and pie & chips and generally being gross.

So he could have been getting a massage, legitimately. He could have been there because he was with the group and some of them were there for a happy ending. He could also have been getting a happy ending.

So the Qn is do you trust him? If you confront him can you believe his answer? Because if you cant then you need to ask yourself if you believe hes done this.. is it a deal breaker?

You could ask other wives if you know any of them?