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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH’s work being difficult

156 replies

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:18

Some advice would be really appreciated.

As brief as I can make it, my partner works 8-6 every day. He has a hands on job so it’s quite tricky with him leaving etc, for appointments as they are quite busy and it’s a hand on job.

We have a 3.5 year old DD who is going through a slightly ‘difficult’
Phase at the moment especially since the new members of our family have arrived. I gave birth to twins end of Feb via c section. She is struggling with routine and lack of attention at the moment sadly.

I am currently struggling between the hours of 4-7 with collecting my daughter from nursery and getting her fed and bathed with twins. To be honest it’s quite hard work and it’s making me feel quite low at the moment.

DH asked his boss at work (who happens to be his Dad… he works for a small family business) if he could leave at 5pm instead of 6. Not as a permanent thing but as just a support at the moment for me.

Basically the answer was no. He said he needed to leave to help collect her from nursery and bring her home to me (her nursery is on the way to his work so is ideal). I do think DH is minimising a bit but from what I was told answer is no and that I need to ask Mother in law (DD’s nan) to collect her instead… am I being unreasonable to want my husband home to help me and not MIL?

Where we live, there would be a big difference leaving at 5 instead of 6. The traffic worsens at 6 and if he left at 5 he would be home by 5:30 latest. At the moment he is getting home at 6:45 and it’s just as I am trying to get our eldest sorted for bed so that time really clashes with our routine. By the time DH gets home it’s play time to DD and then bed time is out the window.. this has been the case for a couple of years. It’s now worsened since the twins arrival.

We aren’t asking for him to leave at 4 and we are not going to be sat in a restaurant at 5pm-5:30 to celebrate him leaving early, it will literally be a case of him helping me do bath time and prepare dinner whilst I am feeding the twins.

Any advice or opinions would be great as currently I am feeling quite low and struggling to understand how the answer could be no especially if it was to support me as mentally I’m not in a massively great place.

DH has been coming home at 6 and carrying on as normal, I can’t help but feel resentful as I am at home struggling and his world and MiL/ FIL’s world is carrying on as normal. Am I being unreasonable to feel totally deflated by this or should I just carry on and suck it up?

OP posts:
Students2 · 19/05/2026 09:55

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/05/2026 08:53

Go to the work, say grandpa time babies!! Drop the kids, go off and think about what work you can go back to/childcare options. Does your dh have a car set up to take them all? If so say I’ll see you at home. Do this every day for a week, the second day say to fil you won’t let him leave early and you pay him peanuts and your wife doesn’t want to help so you’ll be grandpa from now on, since you make it so their dad can’t help. 3pm till dhs clock off on Monday to Friday is the new plan, and tell dh he won’t say or do anything to support his wife and babies so he doesn’t get a say from on what I do anymore, and what I want to do is firebomb his dads business and his dads house so really I’m being very calm and understanding.

I’m really sorry but just because his dad is his boss does not mean it’s a good idea for OP to do something like this. He’s finishing at 6pm which is not a particularly late finish time.

minipie · 19/05/2026 12:40

I think you need to separate out three things

  1. DH not getting to leave at 5. This is actually pretty normal. 6.45 is a decent time to get home. Many jobs are not flexible.

  2. DH working in a job which is inflexible, he works normal hours, no perks, but is only getting paid “family rates”. I assume that means less than he could earn elsewhere. This is not ok. Inheritance isn’t guaranteed and he shouldn’t be making your family life poorer and more difficult now for the sake of some possible inheritance later.

  3. Your overall resentment that you are in the trenches with babies and small children and his life is the same. I totally get this. Can you look to hand over to him more at weekends for example so you can get some time to yourself? Could he help more with night wakings or early mornings?

Julietta05 · 19/05/2026 12:54

Totally understand your position. Please ignore posters that just say suck it up, such is life. It is not 1950s and in those circumstances I can understand your frustration, lack of support that will not change when the kids go to school. Everything will be on you. Do what is best for you, if it means divorce so be it. There is so much good advice here and a lot of people that do not understand how hard it is.

pikkumyy77 · 19/05/2026 12:59

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 19/05/2026 07:10

I get that his family are taking advantage of him and looking for a new job would be ideal.

However I think it’s a bit cheeky to ask to leave an hour early to help with the children, regardless of who your employer is. You knew you were having twins for months so had plenty of time to come up with a plan.

I say this as a single mum of 4, who did the school run last December with a 9 hour old baby.

Are you kidding with this? You endangered everyone with this ridiculous superwoman shit.

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 19/05/2026 13:09

pikkumyy77 · 19/05/2026 12:59

Are you kidding with this? You endangered everyone with this ridiculous superwoman shit.

How have I endangered everyone?

canuckup · 19/05/2026 20:15

Not sure why the OP bothered posting really. None of the 300+ suggestions are actually possible.

Waste of time

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