Would my partner’s comments about other women bother anyone else?

[CountingDownToAutumn]

This has been playing on my mind a lot lately and I was hoping to kind of exorcise it by getting some other viewpoints.

Dp is amazing in so many ways. We have a 6 week old baby and he’s a great dad. He’s great with housework, does his fair share of night feeds, great with my children from a previous marriage. If I need him to help with anything for them he’ll arrange his work to make it happen. I can’t fault him in that regard.

So the problem… commenting on other women. I feel like we can’t watch anything without a ‘she’s nice’ or a ‘I can’t work out if she’s pretty or not’. I know he looks at women he finds attractive on a day to day basis. He tries his best to be discrete about it but I’ve caught him on a few occasions. I don’t tend to mention it and just pretend I haven’t noticed. It came up once in a light hearted conversation and he made a joke about how he tries to be discrete as to not make the women in question feel uncomfortable. I know he has porn apps on his phone. Again, he’s very open about this and while in itself it’s not a deal breaker for me, the picture as a whole is starting to bother me.

We have a great sex life. He tells me that he’s attracted to me and he’s very affectionate on a day to day basis. He did make a few clumsy comments recently about how I’ve lost a lot of my bum in pregnancy and I need to start squatting which he apologised profusely for when I told him it upset me.

I feel like I shouldn’t be letting this bother me. If we had no sex life and he didn’t pay me any attention it would be a different story but that’s not the case. I’m not naive. I know he’s going to find other women attractive and that’s normal. He’s just so blatant about it which makes me paranoid that he’s comparing me or he wishes I look more like whoever he’s found attractive at that precise minute. Probably doesn’t help that I currently have 2 stone of baby weight to loose.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here or would this bother anyone else?

He objectifies women to their bodies and looks. He's deeply, deeply misogynistic.

He comments on other women's looks to you. Bad.

The comment about you needing to do squats when you're only midway through your 4th trimester is fucking awful.

Talking about he hoped his daughter would have big breasts, what the fucking fuck. He is sleazy and inappropriate in a horrible way. He's sexualizing a little baby. 🤮🤮🤮

He's the kind of guy who if something happens to your body he'll dump you. He's all about the superficial looks and sexual utility. He's making negative comments about your looks when you just had a baby. He consumes porn and he is somewhat lacking self esteem, especially around sex and he tries to build himself up by negging you.

Very honestly, I hope your other children are not girls.

Oh gross, I feel queasy reading about him.

Ogling other women and commenting on their looks when he's with you. Does it "discreetly" so they don't feel uncomfortable. But doesn't give a shit about how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

Criticising your bum and boobs when you're still recovering from giving birth??? But would be "upset" if you criticised his tiny cock or mentioned his weight gain.

Speculates over the size and type of breasts his baby daughter will develop and the "creeps" (ie people like him) who will perv over them.

Remarks on how attractive his mum and sisters large breasts are. Whaaaat?

Porn apps on his phone and proud of it.

He is not a great partner. He is a disgusting misogynistic filthy pervy pig! In fact no, that's unkind to pigs!

The worst of it is he seems to think women owe men to be pretty and sexy looking but doesn't consider them actual human beings with thoughts, feelings and rights. How you can have "a good sex life" with this individual I do not know.

So it annoys you and you haven't mentioned it to him?

Clearly his mind-reading skills are also quite poor.

Honestly OP men who watch porn only see women as sex objects, there for their gratification. There to be used and exploited. It warps their view of women. It makes them incapable of having a normal healthy relationship with a real woman.
Apart from the effect on you of his negging I woukd realky worry about haw his totally warped views are going to affect your child. The fact he is already talking and thinking about your child's future sex life is actually sick.

Yes, those sorts of comments would bother me.
He sounds like a 14 year old boy who hasn't learned that his girlfriend isn't his "mate" who doesn't mind him saying "phwoaar she's fit".
What a moron he sounds. He wouldn't have got past 1 date with me.

Your partner should look at you as though you’re the most beautiful woman on earth, no matter what you look like in reality. No problem with noticing attractive people but big problem talking about it often. As for the breasts conversation in relation to his daughter, that’s grim. You say he’s wonderful in other aspects so I’d say it’s serious chat time, tell him clearly how his comments make you feel, ask him to reflect and if he didn’t change he’s not worth being with.

If we had no sex life and he didn’t pay me any attention it would be a different story but that’s not the case.

No offence, but from what you’ve described it sounds like he’d fuck a hole in the wall so it’s not exactly a compliment that he’s happily sleeping with a woman he’s conveniently living with. Not a massive amount of effort on his behalf so I wouldn’t exactly take it as a compliment. Also the commentary on other women and digs about your physical appearance- he clearly doesn’t see women as people, just sex objects. Him talking about your body post-birth in a negative way instructing you on how to improve yourself (FOR HIM), and being oblivious as to how this would affect your feelings and self esteem until you TOLD HIM. He sounds dreadful, OP.

God he’s fucking awful OP.

Does he really think it's normal to comment on the breasts of his DM, DSis and DD? It shouldn't make you feel less than, it should be rage. Fuck me, he's grim.

He’s awful and he also sounds like a misogynist. He’s telling you to do squats to get your bum back when you’ve got a 6 week old daughter? For this alone, he is NOT a great father.

The constant comments about other women are designed to keep you feeling unbalanced in your relationship and make you feel ‘lucky’ he stays.

I don’t think he’d be fine if I criticised his cock no… he is a bit concerned about it being on the smaller side as it is.

You really need to start making comments about his small cock

I’d never do that to him though.

Why when he’s happy to make digs about YOUR body??!

You do know his derogatory comments will continue as your daughter grows and becomes aware of what he saying and its effect on you. If you’re hurt she will be upset for you and think he’s a dick, if you ignore it she’ll think this is acceptable and allow her partner to treat her this way as well - or end up behaving like this herself. She may even join in with her dad if it’s communicated as ‘just a joke’ and you put up with it. How would you feel then?

An even worse scenario is that he is likely to make these personal remarks to your daughter when she is older and make her paranoid/ashamed of her own body - or say something inappropriate about her breasts or bum that will create real problems.

Short term solution - Take the piss out of his cock, or if you can’t bring yourself to do that, threaten to the next time he makes a personal remark about you and watch the smile drop from his face. Follow through if he does it again, it sounds like only way he’ll understand. And he needs to understand for your sake and your daughter’s.

Long term solution, I really don’t know, he sounds god awful.

Couldn't edit...I've never heard any one with a six week old baby describe their sex life as great. I certainly wouldn't have.

And honestly the fucking audacity to tell you to do squats a couple of months after giving birth for his sexual gratification when he is overweight himself - what???!

It's definitely him not you!
Your body has been through the mill with pregnancy/birth and he's critiquing your body he's an idiot of the highest order.
The porn apps,leering and commenting on other women marks him out as a thoughtless prick.
The breasts remark regarding your daughter was obscene and weird.
Yip it's him that's got issues.

If the tables were turned and you commented on the attractiveness of other men to him, whilst commenting on the poor quality of his cock or arse whilst he was vulnerable would it be acceptable (done whilst you oggle porn )?

EXACTLY this!

And OP could always soften the insult by saying ‘but you know I love yours’, or whatever shit attempt he made after comparing her boobs to his mum and sisters 🤮

He asked if I thought our daughter would inherit mine or his families

What the actual fuck?!!

He sounds like a letch who objectifies women. Absolutely gross. Definitely not someone I would want to bring my daughter up with.

Ah I couldn't get wound up about this (fist post only as the subsequent updates make him sound a right fool)

I probably call out 4 or 5 attractive men a day and my DH does the same. Neither of us are going anywhere, we're very much in love

Yes I don’t know how not many people have picked up on this??? This is completely sick in the head

I can't get over him speculating about his two month olds daughters future breast size. That so incredibly creepy and not someone I'd want around my children.

Yuck. He’s ogling other women and evaluating how attractive he thinks they are.

Sorry but he’s a creepy bloke.

It would bother me.

He makes me feel insecure and I don’t even know him, op. Just the thought of men going around and evaluating women solely for their looks is weirding me out. I mean, I suspect it goes on, I’m not stupid, but jeez I couldn’t live with someone like that.

It’ll get worse as you get older and feel more invisible, trust me op. Then you’ll be dealing with being married to an old perv, ogling pretty young women half your age, and nothing will erode your confidence faster.

I don’t think he’d be fine if I criticised his cock no… he is a bit concerned about it being on the smaller side as it is. I’d never do that to him though. In fact I never say anything bad about how he looks. He’s put on a lot of weight in the last year and he gets very upset about it. I always tell him I think he looks great. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings like that.

Well you bloody should do. He has no hesitation whatsoever in blathering on about other women's breasts knowing that touches a nerve with you but he doesnt give a shit about that does he?

So yes, I actually think you should start talking about your love of large cocks and every time a hot male actor appeared on TV I would start talking about his rumoured magnificent girth and how amazing it is so he can actually feel what his comments are like.

Honestly I dont even know how you can stand to hear him even breathe- he sounds like a repulsive lecheorus turd of a man

He doesn't respect women including you, including your daughter. His comments about her potential boob size when she's older are totally disgusting and inappropriate. How you even sleep with someone like this is beyond me, its giving the ick.

Out of interest, does he comment on the appearance of other men? He sounds very similar to a relative of mine - she comments on everyone's appearance, to the point where I have made a point of telling her to to stop commenting on my children's appearance.
She has very low self esteem and has struggled with obesity for most of her life so is super fixated on her own appearance and therefore scrutinises everybody else's.

I think you need to speak to him, but maybe he also needs to speak to a therapist on why he does this and how to stop. Commenting on your child's body is weird and you don't want her growing up with body issues - he may not say anything else about her body, but she will hear him talk about and objectify others which will have an impact on her self image and esteem.